Marmite

Oooft, what a controversial beast of a foodstuff! When you think about it, it's pretty damn strange that an opinion has to be so black or white. Even weirder that it's an opinion on a vegetable based spread. Normally, to avoid ridicule, you'll sit on the fence - right down the middle. But no, not with marmite. It won't let you do that. You'll offend EVERYONE that has an informed opinion on the stuff, and you'll look like a trend bucking idiot. But that's not it. You genuinely can't win. If you love it, you'll be loved by the lovers and hated by the haters. And if you hate it, you'll be loved by the haters and hated by the lovers. Marmite ensures that in some way, people won't be able to get on swimmingly. And while we're on the subject, I hate the stuff. Ah, but I used to love it. Does this not mean that I can be friends with both sides, AND the middle ground? No...? Bugger. What makes marmite so 'love or hate' though, seriously? The fact that there are some people who genuinely don't mind it surely indicates that it in fact isn't love or hate! It's near enough normal. Perhaps if the fanatics and the loathers recognised this, we'd all be happy right now, and there'd be no rivalry. You know what, yes. I'm going to go one further. I firmly believe that Marmite is at fault for all that's bad in the world. Let's sort this out once and for all.

As you can see, I have come to an utterly absurd conclusion in this blog post. It was entirely intentional, and crucially, entirely sarcastic. I actually think that the whole 'love or hate' status that Marmite has been labelled with is a bit bloody brilliant. A bit stupid, yes, but a bit brilliant.