Fernando Torres

The past few days have been pretty mixed for Liverpool fans such as myself. On the one hand, the £23mil signing of the prolific Luis Suarez is a massive signal of intent from the new owners, which is exactly the kind of ambition that the club need to be showing, but on the other hand, a daunting shadow is being cast over Anfield - the potential sale of Fernando Torres. Star striker, Fernando Torres. To Chelsea. Oh dear.

Could you really picture this majestic man wearing Stamford Bridge blue...?

This in itself isn't news, because this little saga has been going on for a couple of days now. The prospect of Torres playing for the team that he's been so good at scoring against makes me squirm with anguish. Initially, Liverpool's stance had been firm. The message they were sending out was that under no circumstances would Torres be free to leave club, and that he'd at least play out each and every day of his contract. Of course, it was never going to be this simple, and with the lure of more money (as if any top flight footballer needs it), better team mates, and European football in his eyes, Fernando Torres handed in an official written transfer request. When a player openly expresses his desire to exit the club, you know it's going to be a tough task to keep the guy from jumping ship. And I guess John Henry and Kenny Dalglish have recognised this and are trying to make the best out of what ultimately is a bad, but inevitable situation. It's a shame, because Suarez was supposed to be a partner to Torres, and not a replacement, but unfortunately you can't change Fernando's feelings. He wants out, and Abramovich's Chelski have the cash to snap him up. The scenario must be embraced, and dealt with professionally. No more fumbling around by Director of Football Strategy (whatever the fuck that even is), Damien Comolli - time is very short, and Liverpool deserve to be climbing up the table. If Liverpool want Charlie Adam, then for God's sake be respectful and stump up the sum of money that Ian Holloway has demanded. Blackpool deserve better. The timing of this transfer frenzy is awkward, yes, because the window shuts at 11 o'clock on Monday evening, but it's imperative that Liverpool can find the right men to bring in and let out. Konchesky doesn't belong, and somebody has got to be brought in to prevent David N'gog from partnering Luis Suarez up front. It needs to be somebody of a similar calibre to the goal-in-every-1.33 games for Ajax striker. It turns out that Liverpool's modified stance is firmly asking Chelsea to splash out £50mil on the recently jaded looking Spanish superstar. Fair play to them, that'd be a tidy profit - especially for a man who's been lacking fitness and form in times of late. I would still like to see him stay though...but it just won't happen - which is a shame, because I really feel as though Torres had been looking more confident under Dalglish. It's as though Hodgson had been repressing the Spaniard's ego to the point of contemplating suicide, judging by his on pitch facial expressions and gurnings of disgruntlement. But like I said before, Torres' sale is inevitable. If it doesn't happen now it'll surely happen in the summer. Personally, I reckon Manchester City will stick their noses in at the last minute and slip in a cheeky bid. Whether this would prove successful is something else entirely, but it'd make for a bloody interesting story. Be sure to keep yourself up to date when it comes down to the crunch tomorrow.

YNWA

Windows Live Writer

I’m not entirely sure how useful this software really is, but I’ll soon find out. So far I’m liking what this program’s done – it’s copied the theme of my blog and has made it, presumably by some kind of dark magic, so that I can write my text directly onto the blog, live. Okay, so I explained that poorly. It doesn’t matter. If once posted, the format and/or layout is incorrect, then I’ll stick to the original writing tool on Blogger – I’m totally cool with that, but I’m just not a fan of the sketchy spellchecker it provides. This isn’t a proper post, no. In fact, it’s barely a post at all. If I wasn’t so longwinded in what I said, this could just about pass off as a Facebook status update. Crumbs.

Sony Ericsson W810i

Plain and simple sexiness...

The greatest mobile phone in the history of all mobile phones is the Sony Ericsson W810i. Possibly. It's my first ever, and only ever phone. It's fair to say that I love the little black guy. For all its (many) imperfections, it's still a marvellous breed of mobile. She's a bit ugly, but she does the job - much the opposite of Carol Vorderman, you could say, but personally I find her to be pretty damn unattractive. But hey, taste in female mathematicians aside, my little Sony Ericsson is like a child to me. A black child. An electronic black child. Oooookaaaaay... 
I remember the day when my brother was given his first phone, and how desperate I was to 'have a go' on it. A crappy little Motorola it was. I waited 3 three years until I got my first mobile, by which point my brother had already bought another phone (a little flip top Sony Ericsson) that I could marvel over. I grew to love the Sony Ericsson OS, so when it came down to me choosing what phone I wanted, I really couldn't look anywhere else. When the day came, (either Christmas or my birthday of '06) I was really chuffed, and so came that amazing period when you get excited about Bluetoothing various songs and themes to with your friends, and paying extortionate prices for bare-bones versions of games that were successful on other platforms - not realising that Bluetooth is quite shite and that downloading games was totally unnecessary. My phone's lasted for over 4 years now, and I couldn't be more proud of her (cringe now). She's a proper soldier, and has survived many a fall, scratch and knock - all by my fault, deliberate or accidental. She's not showing too many signs of giving up the pay-as-you-go ghost yet either, so long live W810i! Functional, practical, chunky, reliable, and crucially, simple. My...my...hero...

The dog's what...?

The dog's bollocks. That's what. In my shamefully dull day to day life, I often find that I have more than enough time to ponder mysteries and grey areas such as whether penguins and ostriches actually feel jealousy towards birds with the power of flight, whether the world would be a better place if we exterminated all the 'chavs' (silly question), why Princess Peach is so hopelessly bad at not being kidnapped by Bowser (or in fact why Mario is so lackadaisical towards his supposed lover, who blatantly isn't being satisfied by him), and why I can't stand gravy (WHY?!). But today, I've been seriously racking my brains about one question in particular; Why exactly do we say "the dog's bollocks" in reference to something that's top of its field? It's baffling. Of all the parts of any animal's anatomy, why would we find testicles the most desirable? Especially on a dog! I'm sure the dog's bollocks seem great from a dog's own perspective, judging by the fact that they always seem to lick their balls, but I don't share the feeling. Come 80/90 years of age, when I'm totally bat-shit insane, maybe I will. Lovely. But really, I can't ever find myself wanting to come into contact with a canine's scrotum - but looking at the way the world is going, maybe it's me that's the messed up one for not conforming to some invisible doggy gonad loving rule? No, not just yet. Y'see, the "bee's knees" is a phrase that (from some quick deductions, probably) makes sense - but maybe I'm missing a parallel here. Do dogs' testicles carry pollen? No, no they don't. Bah, I'm beyond the point of caring now. Thank you for reading me ponder something utterly pointless, and equally utterly unenthralling. It's your fault for not bailing earlier!

Have a great weekend everyone; make sure it really is the dog's bollocks. Cheers.

Modern Warfare 3

I suppose we all saw this coming at some point...but perhaps not so soon. Today, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 was announced for release in November of this year - following the trend set by Activision's HUGE video game franchise for the past few years. It's funny how this news is actually kind of surprising, despite the fact that in recent years Activion's approach to Call of Duty has been almost laughably predictable. Following a massive legal dispute, Jason West and Vince Zampella (Infinity Ward's lead men, effectively) left the company (the details of which are still a little bit foggy) and scuttled off (loudly) to form their own developer, 'Respawn Entertainment', owned by the other third party publishing mammoth, EA. 35 employees have since followed suit. With such time and effort devoted to this issue (arguably the biggest split in gaming history), and bearing such colossal losses in terms of skilled developers, there were significant eyebrows being raised as to whether Infinity Ward could possibly complete and release the third iteration of the CoD Modern Warfare series by 2011. It had seemed likely that relative rookies 'Sledgehammer Games' were filling in for this year and taking the reins on an all new Call of Duty title (rumoured to be set in space, or the future) - meaning that the 3 publishers would rotate around, potentially getting more than 2 years of solid work under their belts. The demand is definitely there for it - just check the sales figures. Modern Warfare 2 smashed commercial records, only for Black Ops to do the same thing again. Apparently though, we won't be getting this pyramid effect just yet, if ever - it's not quite happened like that. It seems that now Sledgehammer are finishing off Modern Warfare 3 for Infinity Ward. The two companies will share the development of the single player modes, while multiplayer will be handled by 'Raven Software'. Interesting. Sort of.

This game sold a little bit well...

Ultimately, whatever happens, Modern Warfare 3 is going to make Activision a shit-ton of money - as surely will any subsequent games in the series. The only problem now is what's going to be done by those chaps at Respawn Entertainment. Quite rightly they're angry, and we could be seeing a massive sum of cash going their way through legal action. We shall see. I can't say I'm terribly excited about the release of MW3 later this year, but I know I'll end up getting it anyway. It's just the way it works. We scoff at the way Activision milks its franchises, with a repeated (and now stale) formula that practically steals money from the masses, yet we buy every Call of Duty game anyway. Can't blame 'em now, can we?

Liverpool FC and Ryan Babel

Wowzers. This sure is a biggy - one which I'm going to skim over as briefly as I can, because I could probably go on forever. I'll admit, I should have no connection whatsoever to Liverpool Football Club and its proud traditions. I'm not from Liverpool, or the closely surrounding area. None of my family originate from Merseyside. In fact, I've never even been to the place. It just so happens to be that in Primary School, a couple of footballing loving friends of mine supported the club, so like the sheep that I am (cheers, Welsh blood) I followed suit, and took on the vibrant red of Liverpool FC. I've been a fan for 10-11 years now. Happy times they were. Obviously the club's been through a hell of a lot since then. The treble-winning season (albeit in the most obscure and easiest combination possible), the sale of lil Micky Owen, that night in Istanbul, the FA Cup recovery in the year after, the signing of a certain Fernando, (of course) the sudden decline that the club now finds itself right in the middle of, and everything in-between. It's been a brilliant time. Mostly.

Oh Steven, you beautiful Scouser...

But in all seriousness now, without raging over the bulging shortcomings of Rafa Benitez, the total failure but unfair treatment of 'Woy' Hodgson, and the financial ineptitude of those wanker Yanks, where the hell does the club go from here? Kenny 'The King' Dalglish is back, in a move that will surely lift the Kop's (and Steven Gerrard's holy) spirits, but that doesn't change the fact that since his appointment, nothing's really changed on the pitch, and there doesn't seem to be any urgency to make things happen. The situation only gets more worrying the more times you take a look at it. A glance at the league table will teach you all you really need to know. Liverpool are absent from the top half - further still, they're a meagre four points adrift from the relegation zone. It's sickening to see the once mighty Liverpool Football Club in this state. Then there's the squad itself. It's clear to me, from what I've seen this season (thanks to Match of the Day, God bless you BBC), that there's no real unity amongst the players. A lack of understanding is bad enough, but the majority of the team simply isn't good enough to challenge for the position and honours that a club of Liverpool's ilk deserve to be involved in. Unfortunately for the Scot, Kenny Dalglish is the man who has inherited the transfer disasters of both the club's previous managers. I mean, really, why the FUCK is Paul Konchesky the starting left back?! Oh, and Krygiakos at centre back...brilliant. Wait, we still have El Zhar?! Bloody hell. There's a hell of a lot of ground to make up. After a reasonably promising start to the season for the (anti) Brazilian, Lucas Leiva is as pathetically incompetent as ever, the once universally feared Fernando Torres looks hopelessly dejected and downtrodden, Martin Skrtel apparently can't tackle for the ball any more without taking out the man, and Joe Cole just...sucks - that man makes his £0 signing fee look a a bit dear. Don't even get me started on that man David N'gog. What even is he?! Apart from utter dog-shite of course, because I already know that. So, with a pretty weak team (that not even Super Stevie Gerrard can lift), surely players need to be signed where possible, no? No. Transfer activity is so 2010, everybody. Let's go the 1991 way - the year in which Dalglish was sacked from his first stint at Liverpool Football Club. Dalglish has reportedly not even spoken to the owners yet about bringing new recruits in - instead, Ryan Babel is being ousted. Fantastic stuff...

Reason to be upset

Of all the seasons, I really thought that this time my frenzied transfer speculation could come true - because this time, it's imperative that the squad is improved, and then bolstered. With the new owners, there must be some spare cash lying around, but it seems as though that would be a inaccurate notion. Even if Liverpool was to be totally active in this January transfer window (which would be bloody bad enough as it is), it mystifies me to see Ryan Babel being let go of. Trust me, I'd be one of the first people to tell you that Babel's performances for the Reds were largely unimpressive, but don't get me wrong, I'd also be one of the first to defend his potential. He showed glimpses of being a quality player, but only when he was given what he wanted; a striker's role and/or a starting place. When he first signed for the club, I was really excited about him, but then he was so rarely played. Benitez seemingly opted for anybody instead of him. It screams of the Mark Gonzalez saga. He rarely featured in the squad, and was shipped out soon after. What was worse about Gonzalez though is that his performances were actually consistently rather good. In fact, he's one of the paciest wingers I've ever seen, and was pretty skilful to boot. Ryan Babel has been left to fester at Liverpool, and it's such a crying shame. I've got a bit of a soft spot for the lad, despite his alleged attitude and work rate problems. He was promised first team football, and it never came. He's now 24 years of age, and his reputation has hardly been enhanced. At least not in Howard Webb's eyes, anyway... If the deal to Hoffenheim (for around a reported £7million) goes through, I wish Ryan Babel all the best for the future. I still believe he could become one of the game's top forwards.

But back to the bigger picture. Liverpool Football Club are too big to go down, that's for sure. They're a footballing giant, with a rich history drenched in success. It doesn't make sense for their legacy to die. Some would argue that without a title win in 20 odd years, the club's already died a bit of a death, but I don't think so at all. For all they've done, Liverpool FC deserves to bounce back. God knows how, but they do. It's going to be slow, it's going to be painful, and it's surely going to be controversial along the way, but I have faith that in my life time, the glory days will return. A lot needs to be done; a hell of a lot. But dare I say, surely from her the only way's up? For Kenny, for Steven, for Alan, for Jamie, for Michael, for Mark, for Ian and for every single club legend (that my unfortunately limited brain and years of living struggle to cover), let's make it happen. Hell, even for Emile. And well, if the club gets really desperate, I'll give the manager's job a punt. Failing that, I'll just write an ill thought out blog post about it, while my mother half jokingly tells me I should get in touch with someone in the LFC hierarchy, with a view to appointment.

Ben out. *salutes*

You'll Never Walk Alone

Albums of 2011 - Part 1

If you surf the internet much, you will probably have noticed that now is the perfect time for videos and articles that give an insight into what the new year has to offer, to be posted. That boat has all but sailed off now, but I'm granting myself access as a latecomer, hopping on with mere moments to spare. If that sounds boring, make it a dramatic jump. With flames. And gunfire. And ninjas. Eating cake. 2011 looks set to be a brilliant year for music (in terms of my personal taste), with many of my favourite artists shaping up to release new material this year. Partly because I'm bored, and also partly because...you know what, I'm just bored. Here's a little list of what I can't wait to hear this year, and why (providing that the albums' projected release dates aren't pushed back).

Gorillaz - The Fall
Due: ETA 2011


Strangely, this is the only album on this list that I've heard in full, yet at the timing of writing it doesn't have a release date. Released on Christmas day as an ever so kind freebie, The Fall is an interesting breed of album. What happens when arguable genius Damon Albarn gets bored on his travels in America? He gets inspired by the US of A and creates an electronic album in about 30 days on an iPad, that's what. Because I've already given it a few play-throughs, my excitement for its physical release has been somewhat diminished. Alas, I still find myself very much wanting to have the luxury of being able to listen to this music on the go. It's less of an album and more of an idea - where the fictional world of Gorillaz becomes ever more real and mixes with American themes. Don't go expecting anything like their main three albums, because you won't find the style of music from their self-titled album and Demon Days, or the lavish collaborations of Plastic Beach. This is an experimental electronic EP that does little vocally, but a lot with beats. No classic, but surely worth a pop whenever it does arrive.

Check it out here: http://thefall.gorillaz.com/

Elbow - Build a Rocket Boys!

Due: March 7th

After the immense critical success (didn't exactly do too badly commercially either...) of The Seldom Seen Kid, the Manchester 5-piece will have a lot of work to do to stay on form. That said, even if their 5th effort is only half as good as their 4th, it'll still be a pretty decent showing. It feels as though now the time is right for Elbow to shine - they always have done, but never with so much public attention. The Seldom Seen Kid's impact launched them close to the mainstream, without selling themselves out, and now they have a platform to build on. I expect more of the same from Build a Rocket Boys!, and the recently unveiled song 'Lippy Kids' does little do detach from this notion. I've got no problem with that of course, as I consider all Elbow's albums to be excellent. Initially they fly past with little impact on the ears, but gradually they become familiar, and the quality of the music being played to you becomes apparent. Some people may not be too fond of Guy Garvey's velvety crooning, but I think I might be. At times interesting, and for long spells beautiful, Elbow's a band in its prime, and the next outing seems unlikely to disappoint.

Listen to 'Lippy Kids' here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NItwaz0nLJA

For a year in which Muse material is absent, the potential line up of CDs for purchase that I find myself writing down is incredibly strong. All I need now is some money... Stay tuned for more albums that I'm excited about in 2011, later on.

Game of the Year 2010

2010 was a damn good year for gaming, it really was. Forgetting about the family friendly and proper game unfriendly nature of the hot-selling Microsoft Kinect, and the fact that 90 of all the decent games in the year were sequels, 2010 was filled with a great range of bloody good video games, and I'm sure you'll agree that that's all that matters. I would have conducted a poll, but that would probably just end up as a tie, as I'm sure all...3 of you would vote for something different. So sorry about that, you're now just going to have to settle for a list compiled by myself and my perhaps obscure opinion. In truth, you won't. You'll have to settle for a list that looks ever single other Game of the Year shortlist - mine's just a bit pointlessly beefed up.

Candidates


Red Dead Redemption (Xbox 360, PS3)
Halo: Reach (Xbox 360)
Fifa 11 (Multiformat)
God of War III (PS3)
Super Mario Galaxy 2 (Wii)
Splinter Cell Conviction (Xbox 360, PS3)
Starcraft II (PC)
Monster Gunter Tri (Wii)
Bioshock 2 (Xbox 360, PS3)
Mass Effect 2 (Xbox 360)
Limbo (Xbox Live Arcade)
Donkey Kong Country Returns (Wii)
Heavy Rain (PS3)
Minecraft (PC)
Pacman Championship Edition DX (Xbox Live Arcade)
Call of Duty Black Ops (Multiformat)
Goldeneye 007 (Wii)
Battlefield: Bad Company 2 (Xbox 360, PS3, PC)
No More Heroes 2 (Wii)
Gran Turismo 5 (PS3)
Vanquish (Xbox 360, PS3)
Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood (Xbox 360, PS3)
Dead Rising 2 (Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

23 games, that's a rough number, I know. This list is of course very predictable, but for me, picking an overall winner is very very easy.

And the winner is...

Super Mario Galaxy 2

Super Mario Galaxy 2 is an absolute beast of a game. It's not just the original Mario Galaxy rehashed and slightly improved. It's so so so much more, and it makes the already brilliant Super Mario Galaxy look a tad weak. For a game that consists pretty much solely of a single player mode, with a co-op mode of sorts tacked on, this title comes remarkably close to perfect. I had by far the most fun in 2010 playing Galaxy 2. The level design is genius, the rich orchestral soundtrack is second to none, the graphics are more crisp and colourful than what I thought the Wii was capable of and even though it constantly moves you from one fresh and creative idea to another, it always feels familiar. Everything about this game exudes joy. It's really quite beautiful, in so many ways. This game proves that a deep story, online modes and HD graphics aren't necessities, because when you look at the list above and see the likes of the titles in there - none of them were truly deserving in my eyes. It's a rush of a nostalgia, a masterpiece in how to invent a world and just run with it. Childish? No. It's child friendly, sure, but I challenge you to complete this game, because I..I can't. It's no cakewalk. I enjoyed loads of games last year, sure, and most were on other platforms (Donkey Kong Country Returns aside), but none made me grin like a mega moron quite like Super Mario Galaxy 2 did. Thanks Nintendo, this is why we didn't sell our Wii.

Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away!

Obesity

Isn't obesity brilliant? It's funny and err...stuff. Nah, it can be a funny topic but I wouldn't condone laughing at a fat person just because they're fat. You may be thinking that this post is going in the direction of defending obese people, and how the abuse they receive is unjust. No such thing will happen, I'm afraid. On the other hand, I'm not pathetic enough to be writing a blog post about how hilarious it is to see a fat person, because it's not. It used to be, sure, but for a long time now, it's not really funny any more. That said, it will always be funnier to see a 40 stone behemoth topple over than just some 'regular' guy. I've totally lost where I'm going with this, but I guess it'll be fun to improvise. By 'fat' I don't mean a bit overweight. I consider myself to be a bit overweight, and I know a hell of a lot of people do too. No no, by 'obese' or 'fat' I mean really rather large - y'know, like "Would you like another trolley for your weekly food shop, Gladys the home alone for 20 years heffalump? Perhaps we should airlift those actually? Perhaps we should airlift you as well...?" That kind of level of overweightness. Or alternatively, ask your mother. To get out of the cake tin, turn around and show you how fucking massive she is. To be fair, I have nothing personally against people of the constantly hungrier end of the spectrum, and in fact I very much stray from fat jokes because I don't really find them terribly funny. I'm all for some other kinds of comedic abuse, personally...but most of the time, obesity jokes or comments aren't even funny in the slightest, and are just plain offensive. Actually, no, most of the time they're not even that. The intention to offend is often present, but the execution is awful. Why? Because picking on fat people is one of the only things that stupid people can squark about to generate a piss poor level of humour barely sufficient to take their minds off the fact that they've fucked their lives up and their job opportunities are now minimal, thanks to a criminal record and a child. I do love to exaggerate, but it's true that fat jokes are a very low form of comedy. Cretins don't do irony or puns. Trust me, I go to college in/near Great Yarmouth. I'm not saying jokes surrounding obesity can't be funny though - it's just that the comments are usually made by dullards, so the likelihood of a worthwhile chuckle being raised is very low indeed. The only reason that obese people were brought to my attention recently anyway is that yesterday afternoon, on my way to taking the early bus home from college after a week of tiring exams (which went reasonably okayish, thanks for asking) a couple of considerably weighted people made bad impressions;

Blob #1
Age: -
Gender: Wouldn't like to hazard a guess and offend him/her...
Location: Bus stop. Maybe she was the bus that stopped.
Occupation: If employed, I'll give her everything I own.
Crime: While being genuinely quite massive, smoking and pushing a pram. Though there was definitely a baby inside, I'm unsure as to whether it was her child or just a little snack.

Blob #2
Age: Old enough to need a walking stick for support. Even though she was only about 30...
Gender: Female. Blokes don't sag like that *shudders*
Location: On the bus, opposite me. Like the other lump, she could easily have been a bus inside a bus, much like those Russian dolls.
Occupation: Presumably a half arsed paedophile. Either that or 'hungry'.
Crime: Waving to a clearly uninterested little child for the whole journey, as though she expected a reaction. If anything, the child would have been excited to be meeting Mr Blobby in Yarmouth of all places. Jim Davidson was once a regular, mind. Debt will do the strangest of things to a man...

In 20 years time, if my laziness persists, I'll do a similar profile of myself, just so I can level out the scores. Obese people slid a fair few rungs down the social ladder in my eyes yesterday. Looks like there's going to be a bit of climbing back up to do - which is convenient, because it'll be a nice of bit of exercise to get under their huge collective belt.

Peace out.

Absence Note

So, you may have noticed that I've not actually written a blog post since Christmas Eve, and I do have an excuse. Sort of, at least - I've got no reason for not writing more over the holidays! But hey, I guess you've come off better this way. I do have a completely valid reason for not updating for the past week or so though, and for next few days. A Level exams are ensuring that this week especially, is to be a very stressful time. Even when I'm not furiously revising (in the hope that I may be able to make up for the fact that I shamefully did bugger all revision over the festive period), the impending exams will always be on my mind, making sure that my underwear is never too low on cack supplies. Metaphorically that is, in case you hadn't twigged onto it. My last exams (for a moment of relatively brief respite) are on Thursday - a mouth watering double header of History and Law. Fan-fucking-tastic. So, because of my attention elsewhere, you probably won't see anything proper from me until the weekend, maybe. Who knows? Who cares? I'm not entirely convinced that anybody will be reading this anyway. But yeah, I'd best be offski. All the best of luck to anyone else who's got exams this week, because I really do know what it feels like. Providing you're fundamentally under-prepared, that is...

You may be wondering how I've been able to write a near fully fledged post like this, in spite of the fact that the whole point of this paragraph is to say that I don't really have the time to maintain my blog. Well, I saved time by not proof reading or anything like that, so I guess this is okay...