I've had countless encounters over the past few years with complete idiots whilst playing video games online. I'd say that 95% of these have come from the most recent few iterations of EA's disgustingly popular FIFA series. Most of the time it spawns from either my opponent prematurely quitting the match, or just insulting me in some way after I beat them. They don't seem to realise that you should
always keep quiet after losing - which is why in playing FIFA online, I'm relatively silent for the most of the time... Back to the strangers though. I relish the hilarity and the heated arguments. I just wish I'd recorded them in some way so I could have catalogued them into one delightful archive of delectable delinquent dickheads. Yes, shoddy FIFA etiquette is illegal. (
Yes, I did just want an excuse to use the word 'delinquent'...'delectable' is also a fucking fantastic word...) This morning, though, I thought I'd at least remember just the one bizarre exchange. It came from a Saudi Arabian player, who quit after I scored a 3rd minute volley with Andy Carroll. I'm perfectly aware that's already rather enough to take in. Andy Carroll. Goal. Quick. Technique. Something just doesn't seem right, does it? But it happened, and the chap obviously didn't take well to it. Not at all... Here's our brief dialogue, word for word:
Him: Beat It You English MothaFucker Kid!
Me: Well, I certainly beat you... Tissues in the post, pal.
Him: Shut You Girly Bitch.
Me: Moron. Why did you quit? I excitedly await your response.
Unfortunately he never did reply. The flame of our beautiful interlude burned brighter than the sun itself, yet lasted about as long as Alan Shearer entering into a spelling bee competition. Tragic.While we're on the subject of grammar, check out
those capital letters...at the beginning of
every word... Classy.
Ciao for now.
