Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues - Review

I could have used one of many (hundreds) of quotes to 'wittily' introduce this review, but I just couldn't decide. I also realised that my least favourite thing about Anchorman and its lasting impression through spawning surely the largest 'cult' fanbase of all time is its near limitless quotability. Initially funny, and a great way to connect with like-minded people, there's only so much of one word, phrase, or sentence being repeated over and over again incessantly that a mere mortal man can take - even if there's so many to choose from. The 9 year wait has greatly exacerbated this pain, but I must admit that the gap was necessary. Such a widely popular film was never going to received a rushed sequel; in fact, after budget squabbles and other difficulties, it never really looked like it was going to get a sequel at all...so is The Legend Continues' existence a good thing?

Yes.

If I was feeling particularly miserly, I'd end the review here and get on with my life. Unfortunately, I can't do that. This film is too important to me, let alone how many others out there so dearly treasure 2004's shining comedy gem. We're talking about my favourite film of all time, not just restricting the honour by genre. Again, I know this opinion is shared by many. Also, Christmas spirit and all that jazz... But what you can do if my stern one word verdict is sufficient for you, is of course stop reading...because I will warn you: there's a fair few words left to read if you do opt to bravely continue. There'll be zilch in the way of spoilers by the way, so fret not on that front.

As far as iconic moustaches go, this is up there.

Anchorman 2, as I anticipated, opens rather awkwardly. Being reacquainted with Ron Burgundy and co. initially feels slightly wrong, as though Anchorman stepping forward as a franchise would be a step too far. I'd say that maybe roughly half of the Anchorman fans I know were worried by the prospect of a sequel. Why risk it when staying as a standalone masterpiece in its own right wouldn't exactly be such a bad thing? It's a fair point, and these doubts aren't immediately dispelled. However, I can confidently say that it doesn't take long for the atmosphere to thaw and for the rapid fire funnies to get the lungs going. This initial tension was inevitable after such a long absence from our lives, but to pick itself up so quickly is quite a feat in my opinion. Not a good start then, but by no means a bad one. Let's address the negatives that are present.

If films could eat (bear with me here...), I would most definitely feed Anchorman 2 several spoonfuls of Danone Activia as soon as possible, because bloody hell is it bloated. Just a minute off hitting the double hour mark is too long for a comedy film - especially of such an oddball variety. Silliness gets tiresome, especially Anchorman's particular breed of idiotic improvisation. What doesn't help is that too often it feels like a rough ball of ideas (almost all of which are funny enough to warrant a place in the final cut) with little to no real logical progression. It's stuffed; full to bursting. Granted, it never gets stilted enough to feel like a compilation of sketches and skits, but it's evident that the famed writing team of Adam McKay and Will Ferrell simply had too many avenues to go down with Anchorman 2. 9 years' worth of ideas was always going to be a nightmare to refine. Perhaps this was due to insecurities about going forward with a more cannily trimmed number of set pieces, for fear of disappointing the innumerable hungry fans. What I'm getting at is that it doesn't flow as well as the first Anchorman, which itself doesn't exactly flow particularly smoothly anyway. 

Let's get more negatives out of the way while we're on the subject. It's perhaps a tad unfair to judge The Legend Continues on its plot (in the same way that you don't hear many chastising the Super Mario Brothers video-game franchise for rehashing an identical copies of its own storyline over and over again), but in such a plot-driven facet of entertainment, it cannot be ignored - whether or not it's entirely problematic that flaws exist. Alas, like Super Mario Brothers, Anchorman 2's plot is sheepishly similar to that of its predecessor. Not so much that it's lamentable or that it ever really grates, but without giving anything at all away, once more we're dealing with obvious rises and falls. It's stale and predictable. Replace the '70s with the '80s, gender equality with racial equality, and local news with the advent of 24 hour news, and you've nearly got the picture. You could say it's frustrating that its balance of efforts is iffy, with the jokes at times feeling a little bit forced, but the story being played so safe. Though even I'd admit to that being a fairly harsh criticism, it is regrettably true that the film does try too hard overall. With Anchorman being all about over the top comedy anyway, it's time we approached the positives...

Over the top, yeah? Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues presented to my eyes and ears a visual and auditory experience like no other. It possesses the most shamelessly ludicrous scene I've ever witnessed, towards the back end of its running time. My lips are firmly sealed...but what I will say is that it contains by far the greatest onslaught of cameos in move history. Just you wait. Not only this, but Anchorman 2 COMPLETELY loses its mind. For just a few minutes, the shackles are off and anything's possible. The desire to spill the beans is probably palpable even just through reading this paragraph, but I'm a man of my word and so promise to continue to keep schtum 'til the end of this (drawn out) review. Also over the top is the general sense of humour on display. The quips for the most part are relentlessly silly but relentlessly hilarious, but you already know by now that I won't be offering up any quotes. The same can be said for the various comedic set pieces. The amount of references to the original Anchorman and the extent to which they are similar has been pitched perfectly. It's actually quite admirable, considering how difficult it must have been for the cast and writers to refrain from being guilty of falling prey to the pressure of fan service.

Speaking of the cast, Will Ferrell's on tip top form for the most part, which is a relief to all. Those who are either very sensitive, or are considering recommending the film to somebody with an anomalously high level of sensitivity may wish to reconsider, mind. I'd firmly say that Anchorman 2 isn't an offensive film, but it does squeeze laughs from potentially divisive source material. It's absolutely commonplace in the world of comedy, but there will always be a small proportion of the population who do not appreciate humour deriving from race, gender, and disability. Ultimately though, if you know the first one's not for you, then this one isn't going to be either. Ron Burgundy and the gang are portrayed as loveable prats, whose opinions and morals are at times outdated, but this obviously doesn't mean that the film-makers would ever advocate racism, sexism, or discrimination of the disabled. Now that we're onto the disabled, Steve Carrell's Brick Tamland threatens to steal the show. His romantic sub-plot with Kirsten Wiig's Chani is adorably heart-warming...not to mention utterly bizarre. Carrell's prominence, however, means that Paul Rudd and David Koechner (who reprise their roles as Brian Fantana and Champ Kind respectively) are required to take a back seat. Champ falling back and being used on the periphery is no problem with me, as I find his character to be the most shallow and coincidentally the least funny of the bunch. It's the under-usage of Brian that cries out as a real shame for me. The general quality level of Anchorman 2 is so high though, that what humour is led by Brian is certainly of a higher standard than that of the majority of leading characters in comedy films out there. Christina Applegate also features considerably less this time around, though this does make sense for plot reasons.

You'd be justified in being confused by my conflicting elements of a resounding YES to this sequel's existence being worthwhile, alongside my heavy focus on the negatives. The positives really cannot be properly specified though. It's a worthy sequel to one of the greatest and most cherished comedy movies ever. It defies its aura of being the film equivalent of the notorious 'difficult second album'. You just have to go out there and enjoy the film for what it is...and what it is is a consistently laugh out loud comedy romp that does enough of the old and enough of the new to satisfy both long-term fans and newcomers. What's more is that an alternate version with (or so they say) every joke being replaced by a brand new joke is in the pipeline, so keep an eye out for that. Puzzlingly, certain lines of dialogue and even whole scenes depicted in the pre-release trailers seem to be missing from the cinema version, which adds further weight to the alternate version.

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues is... *sigh* ...kind of a big deal.

8/10

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Things I've Thunk: inc. Pokémon X, Procrastination, & Pizza

• Pokémon X and Y were finally released (near enough a month ago now)...which basically in turn means that my social life has been kicked in the proverbial nuts. That said, I have stopped playing it now, so fingers crossed my flat-mates will speak to me again. I'm currently in the process of writing a review of the game, though I must admit that I don't know if I'll ever finish it. (Mini review: Pretty impressive but not perfect - 8.5/10) After all, it's a bit late now, and I know what I'm like when it comes to delivering on promises...such as the Top 30 Pokémon countdown, which has been frozen in the twenties for an eternity; that's the stage of the countdown, and not the 1920s. Watch this space - just not too intently.
• Procrastination is another pertinent 'p' word right now. Thanks in majority to my Pokémon adventures, university work may have taken a bit of a back seat recently. It's time I picked up the pace and ploughed through until December...as then I'll be able to trade Pokémon from prior games up to X, and all hell will break loose.
• PIZZA. I'd been having a bit of a curry phase recently - ie, one every other day. It's safe to say my addiction has momentarily subsided though. But why? I'd been laying off the pizza, but ultimately there was only so much I could take...and now she's back in my life, I wouldn't want it any other way. There's just no topping pizza. Ahem.
• Another one...? Pissing off. That's what I'm doing right now. Farewell.

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My Favourite Pokémon: #25

Kricketot

This little fella seems to have divided the Pokéfanbase, somewhat. I can understand it, to be fair. His design's a bit peculiar - to the point at which it has to be said that he doesn't particularly strongly resemble the insect that he's been based on. That's a cricket, by the way, for all you dunces out there. However, even though I do think his antennae look rather silly as well, I can't help but love Kricketot. His big button nose which rests upon his formal collar has got to be one of the strangest cute creature features. I don't tend to like bug-type Pokémon, so it's not all that much of an accolade, but I'd probably say he's my favourite of the category. Though having now-reassessed my list, it turns out that my statement's not even true...smooth, Ben...onto the next one.

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My Favourite Pokémon: #26

Durant

So, what's the deal with Durant? He's a durable ant, which is a fairly original concept considering how very squishable ants are. Much like real life ants, they're rarely found outside of a group. There's something I just love about Durant. I think it's those sinister red eyes, but I must admit that I'm not entirely sure. Another uniqueness about Durant is his relationship with Heatmor. It's a predator/prey scenario that's never really been properly used in Pokémon before, and I really like it. Fingers crossed we'll see more to come along similar lines. The Pokémon universe being played out as a fully integrated eco-system would be incredible. Anyway... Durant's cool, but from here on in I'd say it's time to up the...never mind.

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My Favourite Pokémon: #27

Tangela

Continuing with Generation 1 favourites, say hello to Tangela. No, I don't know what he is either - I've never been able to ascertain anything beyond him being a bizarre clump of vines/tentacles/THINGS with silly red feet attached. God dammit he's adorable though, in spite of his rather confusing existence. There's not many Pokémon I'd happily say this for, but I think I'd like to see Nintendo and Game Freak have a go at giving him a pre-evolution - more commonly known as a baby form. I just get the feeling there's potential there. Tangela's always seemed a bit obsolete to me, even though he now evolves into the quite ridiculous Tangrowth, but he still holds a place in my heart...below 26 other Pokémon.

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My Favourite Pokémon: #28

Seadra

Now we're talking - it's my first entrant from the beloved first generation to grace this list. There aren't many more radical improvements in Pokémon than when that annoying little shit of a creature called Horsea (okay, so he's fairly cute) evolves into the beast that is Seadra. The jagged fins, the scaled chest, the narrowed eyes that'll never stop glaring - Horsea got way cooler. I remember buying a mint condition Seadra trading card for 20p in a car boot sale and being absolutely over the moon with my purchase. Interestingly (if, of course by 'interestingly' you in fact mean 'boringly'), that was the first time I ever referred to anything as being in mint condition. Obviously I mean on the day I bought it, and not in the instance I used the word earlier in this very paragraph. Anyway, Seadra's the first Pokémon in my top 30 to really kick arse.

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My Favourite Pokémon: #29

Joltik

Pikachu's pretty neat, but Joltik has got to be my favourite electric type Pokémon. Certainly the cutest, at least. Just look at him! No...? I would genuinely rather own one of these li'l guys than Raikou or Zapdos, for example - and those 2 are frankly fucking awesome. Whoopsie, I did a swear. Much the same as Ducklett, I'm really not all that bothered by his evolved form, so I'd like to think that a Joltik would never evolve under my care and supervision. It's not very often that bug Pokémon seem eminently strokeable (Venonat, perhaps?), but I'd happily pet this chap even if it inevitably made my hair stand on end. Joltik is lovelier than he has any right to be.

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My Favourite Pokémon: #30

With Pokémon X and Y now just under a month away, and the rate at which information about the 3DS block-busters is unveiled starting to rapidly pick up the pace, anticipation is beginning to reach fever pitch. Certainly is for me, at least - and from what I've seen online, I'm far from alone in this encapsulating excitement. So what better way to celebrate than with a dragged out list of my favourite Pokémon of all time? The question's rhetorical, so kindly refrain from answering and making me feel like a doofus. Top 10s are boring, right? Same goes for Top 20s. But what about Top 30s? Again, please refrain... The idea was that with one post per day, the magic number would lead me all the way right up to the games' day of release, but obviously I'm a little bit late now. All I can say is that somehow it'll work itself out. So here's the first entrant into my bloated list of Pokémon that mean something to me. For the record, this is almost purely design based and not influenced by in-game stats or anything to do with the trading card game. Besides, I was an idiot child and barely knew how to play... Anyway, here goes. Oh, and one final thing - this list contains only Pokémon from generations 1-5, so no new creatures from X and Y will feature. Thankfully, this means I won't have to rant about how Fennekin's evolved form (Braixen) is one of the most brutal murderings of an adorable animal I've ever seen. Instead I shall just weep, privately... Alas, I digress.

Ducklett

What better way to kick off proceedings on such a wet and miserable night? Ducklett is a duck; a small duck, I should add. That's all there is to him. I'm not going to sit here and lie about him - he's got to be one of the least imaginatively designed Pokémon out there. Conceivably, he could exist in the real world...and that's not really what the Pokémon franchise is all about. All things said and done, however, I don't care. It just so happens to the case that in real life, I've always had a soft spot for ducks. I've also always had a soft spot for light/turquoise/duck egg blue. So there we go, that's why this little fella waddles his way onto the back end of my top 30. Hardly a quacker (shoot me), but undeniably cute all the same. A little birdy tells me he might not be the only duck to make an appearance on this list...

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Arctic Monkeys - AM Review

Could AM end up being just OK or even BS?

 Look me in the eye and tell me this artwork isn't exciting. Go on. Oh...you managed it.

The Arctic Monkeys are a band arguably at the pinnacle of their powers. Headlining Glastonbury is no mean feat. At the time of their fifth album's release, we find Elvis Alex Turner and his fellow Monkeys fully integrated into their new roles as slick-haired and leather-garbed desert rockers, thanks mostly to Josh Homme. I'm sure despondency with Sheffield life had an impact too, mind. The transition's been a fairly lengthy one, spanning 2009's Humbug and 2011's Suck It And See - both of which are genuinely two of my favourite albums of all time. No pressure then, chaps. AM (nomenclature inspired by The Velvet Underground's VU) supposedly bears the marks of influence from certain areas of hip-hop and r 'n' b, would you believe - with Alex Turner mentioning the likes of Dr Dre (with beats being a fitting emphasis) in his pre-release interviews. Interesting, huh? Sort of. Much like a lot of the hype and marketing surrounding this album, I'm bored of the build-up - so let's just get going.

Opening with lead single proper, Do I Wanna Know, the outlook's mighty fine. I think I'm going to dub this track's genre as stomping hip-hop rock 'n' roll; or stomp rock 'n' hop for short. Needs a bit of work, sure... It's punchy, the riff (and Alex's quiff) is excellent, and Alex Turner's lyrical licks are sounding crisper, smoother, and better than ever. "Been wonderin' if your heart's still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts" and the way it effortlessly rolls of the tongue is an absolute classic of a line. However, the same can't be said for the rest of the record. There's a few real stinkers scattered across the 40mins approx of tunes. Perhaps my expectations are too high, but more lyrics fall flat than you'd expect from such an experienced modern song-writer on such a high profile release. Maybe we'll touch on that a little more later. The crucial thing is that AM delivers a brilliant opening track, but does it set the scene? Unfortunately, I can't help but feel as though Do I Wanna Know signals a painfully premature peak of all-round quality on AM. 2nd track and technical debut single, first released just after the Suck It And See sessions, R U Mine? is (pretty much) just as good as it ever was, so you could argue that the scene is indeed set by Do I Wanna Know - but only if you're particularly short sighted. The reason I say 'pretty much just as good' is because I'm sure this album version is different from the original in a couple of super subtle ways. I can't quite explain it, but I just seem to prefer the first recording. I'll look a right tit if they turn out to be totally identical.

Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High? (why so many questions?) is the true second single, and it offers up another delectable beat to chow down on. There's not much else to eat here to be fair, as it's a pretty bare-bones track. It's not bad by any stretch of the imagination, but it displays some worryingly uninspired song-writing. Not lyrically, but musically. It's just a tad bland and shares uncomfortable similarities with other tracks on the album, which just so happens to be a recurring theme on AM. It's far from relentless, but there's a definite lack of ideas here. Bizarre really, considering the imaginative nature of the genre bending going on. While I'm on a bit of a moaning roll, I'd best get another negative point out of the way. For the most part I really enjoy Matt Helders' falsetto backing vocals, but boy do they begin to grate at times. It's an asset that the Arctic Monkeys undeniably possess, but which should have been used in more canny moderation. I must admit that this is only a minor gripe, but it's a gripe all the same.

I'm aware that my attentions have been mostly focussed on the singles thus far, but the simple reason is that AM's album tracks really aren't anything special. Bursting into quick-fire mode, One For The Road is a perfect example of guitar-work and vocal hooks coming across pretty drab and repetitive, rather than sounding edgy as was likely intended. Bluesy. Boring. The melody is also suspiciously familiar in places. Arabella's much the same, with some recycled lyrical themes. I Want It All (there's a lot of wanting going on on this record...which is rather fitting, because there's a lot left to be desired) has the band doing their very best impression of The Black Keys. It's got yet another cool beat, but their impression turns out to not be entirely convincing, and there's not much else to say.

Number One Party Anthem certainly isn't what you'd expect having read the title, and it's rather nice indeed. It's a basic love song, but the pleasant change of pace and style is positioned perfectly on the track-list. A much needed improvement. It really is refreshingly enjoyable, but before you know it it'll have already whistled by on the breeze, ready for the next track to be lined up to bore you. Let me assure you, the sounds found on Mad Sounds are in no way, shape or form anything approaching 'mad'. I'd say towards the end it's actually quite oddly reminiscent of Radiohead's classic No Surprises. We're not quite hitting those heights here, mind.  Once more, the song's title is borderline ironic. Once more, it's a nice enough track. Once more, it'll be gone before you've even fully realised it was present. However, this time you'll be glad that its existence was fleeting. Mad Sounds warmly does very, very little.

Time to re-engage quick-fire mode for one final song, I'm afraid. Fireside opens promisingly, but turns out to be yet another plain plod. 'Fineside' would have been more appropriate. Ha. Snap Out Of It is a definite high point on the album - not just because it's surprisingly upbeat. I was quite taken aback by its tone, in all honesty. It's just very satisfyingly chirpy and...ahem...plinky plonky. Bonus points are also earned for its good use of handclaps, but yet again it's not exactly anything special. Granted, not every track's got to be a barn-stormer, but the genius has got to come from somewhere if an album's going to be scored highly. You can see where this is going. Knee Socks is another album track that just about holds its head above the astonishing levels of mediocrity plaguing elsewhere. Josh Homme - new-found mentor and best bud of the band - supplies some distinctive backing vocals on this song, as well as on the aforementioned One For The Road. In both cases, his contribution is brief but predictably effective. Extra kudos goes to Turner for lyrical gems such as "you're kissing to cut through the gloom with a cough-drop coloured tongue."

11 down, 1 to go. It hurts me that I'm approaching an Arctic Monkeys review like this, but I can't hide my gut(ted) reaction. I'm a big fan of closing tracks defining an album and therefore lifting its overall score, which is why my disappointment has to bloody go on and bloody continue. Bloody bloody bloody. I Wanna Be Yours is frankly too close to being throwaway tripe for comfort. I totally get what it's trying to portray with its unorthodox analogies and desperate heartfelt pleas, but desperate really is the operative word here. You've got to feel sorry for whoever it is he's crooning to with the intention of persuading her to be his owner. "I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours". We get the picture. I'm just not feeling it, which is such a shame; or a shAMe, even, because it's not all that far off being a decent bookend. I'm sick of having to be so disappointed. Having begun with Do I Wanna Know's stylistic and extravagant motor racing imagery (in the official music video), AM chugs across the line with a misfiring whimper.

No prizes for guessing how I'm going to evaluate it, then. As alluded to earlier, AM is by no means a terrible effort. It's very self-assured in trying something new, but ultimately it just can't shake its slight whiff of vanilla. From a band that has consistently delivered time and time again, it couldn't be more of a system shock. It's fairly robust, it's coherent and cohesive, and it flows fine - but that's precisely the problem. AM would be (and is) a worryingly good album to stick on in the background and not pay too much attention to, and the band deserves better. The Arctic Monkeys are evidently talented, but here they've faltered quite badly when held up side by side against their previous works. Their streak of releasing increasingly high quality albums is over - this is undoubtedly their weakest LP to date. Be wary of the hype.

6.5/10

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Things I've Thunk: Inc. Nintendo 2DS & Barbecues

I don't believe I've touched this format for a couple of years now, but I'm tired and don't feel like being particularly scatty with tweets right now, so I thought I'd reignite this particular flame - inevitably only to douse it moments later.

• Nintendo has just announced a cheaper alternative to the 3DS, for those who are either too young to play the system with the visual effects turned on, or have some sort of condition or ailment preventing them from being able to experience the added depth - the aptly (albeit slightly confusingly) named 2DS. At a lower base price, it seems like a fairly neat and low-risk idea (which will no doubt sell enough units in Japan anyway)... That is until you see the physical design of the machine. It resembles a wedge of cheese. Do you want to play video games on a wedge of cheese? Actually, that sounds pretty cool... Never mind.
• I'm not entirely sure when it happened, but energy chewing gum is now a thing. I've been very kindly gifted a box of 30 packets from Australia (though I assume it can be found in the UK) - with each passing packet hopefully giving me sufficient energy to consume the next. First impressions are solid. Tastes like energy drink, but it's gum; shock horror. It's probably got my already skewed sleeping patterns screaming, but never mind. Chewtastic.
• FOOTBALL, FOOTBALL, KICK IT IN THE GOAL etc. Even I'm almost bored (almost, almost) of talking about the sport right now, so I'll keep my thoughts brief. Arsenal risk following Liverpool in being a richly supported football club that shoots itself in the foot to slide down the table, thanks to a dangerous blend of injuries and monsieur Wenger's incessant transfer market dithering. Give Nicholas Bendtner that metaphorical gun though, and maybe they'll be all right..
• Summer's nearly over! The nights are rapidly drawing in, which in a sense makes me sad, but ultimately I'm not that bothered. I've always been a night owl anyway. However, the closing of summer brings with it the death of something so sacred I can barely bring myself to allow my mind to think about it. Barbecues. Is there ANYTHING better than a barbecue? Well, yes...but they're up there. Never been a fan of the acronym 'BBQ' though. I'm still very uneasy with it, despite having managed to relax and cool many of my burning pet peeves. This one continues to smoulder. Come to think of it, is it even classed as an acronym? I don't care. I want it to die. On a barbecue. Then I'll skewer it, smother it in barbecue sauce, and eat it. Trouble is, if I somehow get 'BBQ' onto a barbecue, with kebab stick and squeezy sauce bottle in hand but then I opt not to eat it...does that mean I'm having to eat my own words because I've decided against eating my own word? My head hurts.

Cheerio, chumps.

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Premier League Prediction 2013/14

1. Chelsea
2. Manchester City
3. Manchester United
4. Arsenal
5. Tottenham
6. Liverpool
7. Swansea
8. Everton
9. West Ham
10. Sunderland
11. Fulham
12. Southampton
13. Newcastle
14. West Brom
15. Aston Villa
16. Norwich
17. Cardiff
18. Hull
19. Stoke
20. Crystal Palace

So there you have it. A hastily cobbled together prediction of where I believe the 20 Premier League teams of 2013/14 will finish. No doubt I'll have changed my mind the moment the very first ball is kicked today. Mid-table is just impossible to call...but let's be honest, do I really care anyway? Yes and no. Let's just get the bloody season underway!

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Spam Comments

Unless I'm being unfairly targeted by the world, any user of Blogger will have surely noticed by now that spambots trawl the internet, posting random and inane comments on whichever page they 'feel' necessary. Last night, one of my posts from over a year ago was bombarded by no less then 16 comments. None of them were genuine, because of course nobody reads this shit. I'm interested to see how many spam comments I get on this post, actually... So anyway, I've decided to quickly collate these comments, just so you can get a rough idea of how ludicrous but fairly hilarious these little passages are - ranging from the incredibly vague to the brilliantly irrelevant. I've saved the best 3 'til last. Enjoy.

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Queens Of The Stone Age - ...Like Clockwork Review

Do they TICK all the right boxes, or is it TIME they gave up...?

I'm not sure who it was who decided to use the above puns, but whoever it was pretty much sucks at writing. Totally wasn't me, 'cause it's not as though this is my blog or anything...naaah, somebody else did it. I was hacked. 

Happy couple.

Onwards. It's been 6 bloody years, but finally a new Queens Of The Stone Age record has arrived. It's here. The sensation of anticipation is almost palatable. 2007's Era Vulgaris proved to be relatively popular with the core fanbase, but as so often is the case, there were (and are) many clamouring for the band's earlier sounds to be revisited and reinstated. This is a notion I widely reject. To maintain freshness and originality, I believe that it's paramount for a band's or artist's style to develop and remould itself in time. Some people don't seem to realise that people age and mature. I can't help but compare this to the way in which with each progressive Arctic Monkeys release, their fans have complained and called for the youthful and brash sounds of their impressive debut (Whatever People Say I Am That's What I'm Not) to remain. Humbug was the tipping point, and rather fittingly, said album was co-produced by none other than QOTSA's Josh Homme. Like clockwork! (I'm a genius.) Now that we're on the subject of Alex Turner's Sheffield/LA based band, Like Clockwork (screw it, I'm not writing in the ellipsis any more) features a whole host of interesting collaborations, including the Arctic Monkeys frontman. Other recruits (get this) include Jake Shears (of Scissor Sisters fame), Sir Elton John (so now that's two actual 'queens'), Dave Grohl (back in the band once again, on most of the album's tracks), Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails), and (harking back to the band's earlier years) Mark Lanegan and ex-bassist Nick Olivieri. Hot damn. I must admit that upon hearing the news of this diverse range of contributing artists, my excitement had quickly dissipated. After all this time, this album NEEDED to sound like Queens Of The Stone Age and not some complete clusterfuck. Having listened to the record multiple times now, I can assure you that it does indeed still sound like QOTSA. Not only that, but it's one of the best new albums I've heard in a very, very long time. Better than Songs For The Deaf? Quite possibly...

Opening track Keep Your Eyes Peeled has one of the most brilliantly controlled dark and grimy guitar tones I've ever experienced, which is only heightened by a stingy stoner-rock bassline and the promotional video work by Boneface. The style is absolutely fantastic. It has to be seen to be believed, in all honesty. YouTube. Now. In fact, the album's texture is outstanding from start to finish. Jake Shears provides some backing vocals on this track, though you may not have noticed on your first four or five hundred listens... It's subtle, but you can hear him; and that's exactly how it should be. It shows just how well respected Josh Homme's crew are in the music industry, that musicians of the calibre of men such as Sir Elton John and Jake Shears (because let's be honest here, the Scissor Sisters were and are pretty good... No? Just me then) are willing to and want to contribute for the benefit of the music, rather than taking centre stage, taking personal and really making it feel like an A-list collaboration/party. This isn't Gorillaz, after all. 

Now that we're here, it has to be said that all guest appearances on Like Clockwork are handled in such careful moderation. Alex Turner's barely noticeable on the irresistible groove-fest of If I Had A Tail (think David Bowie meets Them Crooked Vultures) until the very end, with Trent Reznor and Sir Elton John's vocal contributions on Kalopsia and Fairweather Friends respectively being slightly more prominent in the mix. Both tracks (directly next to each other on the tracklist) are jam-packed with energy in their own unique ways. I'm really struggling to describe the individual tracks' brilliance on this record, for fear of not doing them justice. As for the instrumental helping hands, Sir Elton's infamous piano playing is inevitably very much noticeable, with Turner wielding his axe and Grohl wielding his sticks to excellent effect. No surprises there, really. It's also worth noting that considering how many times the line-up changes from the accredited line up of Mr. Homme, Troy Van Leeuwen, Dean Ferita and Michael Shuman on such a regular (trackly!) basis, just how consistent this LP is. I dare you to play a little game of 'count the drummers'.

I fear I may have discussed the surprising cameos for too long, so let's get a bit more general here. Homme's sounding better than ever. His vocal range is stellar and his vocal delivery is at times chillingly perfect. He just seems to be able to wonderfully compliment every style and sound on offer on this album - going from floating softly to being spine-joltingly commanding with the seemingly effortless flick of a switch. Must be hidden on his back somewhere. Damn cyborgs... Lyrically he's also on top form, purring and roaring about violence, death and revenge among many other topics with a little bit of love blended in for good measure. Some cleverly cryptic wording can be found too, which is great news for all the lah-lah-lahophobes out there. Yes, that IS a real word...honest...

I Sat By The Ocean and My God Is The Sun sound like the two more radio-friendly tracks here - though fret not, we're hardly talking One Direction levels here - merely that the song structures and less cluttered soundscapes would make them more appropriate for broadcast. They're both excellent too. As for the guitar side of proceedings from Josh, the riffs and solos are yet another high point. I don't think I could pick any out as being below par in any way. I never feel as though he's being plagiaristic, so clearly the captain's still got creativity coursing through his veins. While the overall vibe is eerily moody, there are stand-out moments to be had outside of that murky bracket; most notably Smooth Sailing, which simply oozes arrogance with its stompingly sexual beat and swaggering and scatty guitars. It's provocative to the point of nearly feeling physically molested by the music itself...in a good way. Yeah. Every time I listen to Like Clockwork its at Smooth Sailing that I really do realise that I'm having a heck of a hell of a whale of a time and that the music I've been listening to is frankly a little bit godly.

After my realisation that I'm enjoying myself to a worryingly high degree, I'm hit with I Appear Missing - arguably the record's strongest track. Dear Lord, this song is gorgeous. The pure force of the chorus is enough to suspend your body in mid-air, and the verse perfectly encapsulates Queens Of The Stone Age's dingy desert rock vibe. Genuinely epic. All that's left to mention is The Vampyre Of Time And Memory and the closing/title track, Like Clockwork. Duh. These two songs provide the listener with the album's two slowest and introspective moments, but I really don't want to portray them as seeming dull. That said, to go back on myself once more, The Vampyre etc. is possibly the weakest track on the album - not to suggest that it's actually weak at all though. It just so happens to probably be objectively the least strong. No doubt I'll change my mind on that statement later. I'd give it about 5 minutes... Finally then, the closer. It's a rather fitting finale - an emotional piano ballad on which Homme croons multiple times that "not everything that goes around comes back around, y'know." It wraps up the rollercoaster ride beautifully and offers a lovely sense of closure. Wow.

Well well well... You may have noticed by now that I'm fairly in favour of '...Like Clockwork'. I just feel as though every combining element of Like Clockwork is absolutely ON IT. The vocals, the guitars, the bass, the songwriting, the percussion, the atmosphere, the pacing, the production, the art, the caterers behind the scenes, Josh Homme's dog, the person who first discovered the exact shade of red used on the album cover...okay, so I might have gone a little bit over the top for a second there...but my point that all facets are performed and carried out on top form still stands. It certainly bodes well for the overall feel and quality of the album. It's everything I hoped it would be but honestly (due to my inherently pessimistic nature) thought it couldn't be. Filth? Check. Headbangability? Check. Danceability...? Check. Raw passion? Check. Check? Check. Stupendously invigorating, breathtakingly colossal and peerlessly executed, this is Queens Of The Stone Age's masterpiece. (Check.)

9.5/10

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FIFA Online Conspiracy Theorist

It's been a while, but today's FIFA Ultimate Team session has thrown up yet another cretinous sore loser. Beating and dominating a side 4-0 containing the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo and Falcao with my side led by none other than Andy Carroll and David Beckham, he proceeded to quit before full time, claiming:

"bullshit fifa mate. hitting the bar and scoring from 30 yards, u won every loose ball even when i tackled you - i couldnt even get a shot on target. its called fifa wanted u to win"

Poetic. Remember that time you attempted running the London marathon but your trainers just didn't want you to finish? Or that time when you were cooking the dinner but the potatoes were simply having none of it? No. Me neither. Believe it or not, video games aren't sentient. I told the poor chap that he was a sore loser and that ultimately I'd controlled the match and played better football. Funnily enough, he wasn't terribly chuffed. Two scathing words were hurled at me, and man I'm still feeling the pain...incidentally, man I'm being sarcastic.

"gay cheater"

Awfully presumptuous, isn't it? Not only has he assumed I'm a homosexual, but also that I have a boyfriend on whom I can commit infidelity and be generally unfaithful to. Boy, that escalated quickly...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #1

Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up

Yup. Trololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo... No, really though. 

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: Overview

It's been a funny ol' journey, but I must say I've rather enjoyed it. Alas, the time has nearly come to wrap up my list of ultimate guilty pleasure tunes. In the meantime, I thought it'd be nice to present them all in the form of an actually cohesive list rather than individual blog posts.

30) The Beatles - Octopus's Garden
29) Suede - She's In Fashion
28) Talking Heads - Road To Nowhere
27) Paul McCartney - Pipes Of Peace
26) The Darkness - EVERYTHING
25) Muse - Undisclosed Desires
24) Jamiroquai - Canned Heat
23) U2 - Get On Your Boots
22) 2 Bears - Bear Hug
21) £1 Fish Man - One Pound Fish
20) Coldplay ft Rihanna - Princess Of China
19) Fatman Scoop - Be Faithful
18) Take That - Kidz
17) Depeche Mode - Just Can't Get Enough
16) Will Smith - Gettin' Jiggy Wit It
15) Michael & Janet Jackson - Scream
14) Tony Christie - Only Ones Who Know
13) A Static Lullaby - Toxic
12) Erasure - A Little Respect
11) David Essex - Hold Me Close
10) Moloko - Pure Pleasure Seeker
9) Ladyhawke - Black, White & Blue
8) Toto - Africa
7) Michael Bublé - Hollywood
6) Lady Gaga - You & I
5) Can Bonomo - Love Me Back
4) Baccara - Yes Sir, I Can Boogie
3) Will Ferrell (as Jackie Moon) - Love Me Sexy
2) Hanson - Give A Little
1) ????????????????????????????????????????????????

You're going to love number one. I can just feel it.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #2

We've already reached the penultimate guilty pleasure! How very (sort of) exciting. Are you ready? This one's positively riddled with vileness.

Hanson - Give A Little

Urgh. This is truly the most embarrassing one of the 30-strong bunch. Perhaps even more so than #1...perhaps... Everyone knows this group for one song and one song only - even if they don't quite realise it. Mmmbop. I'll say no more. Remember when these guys looked like pre-pubescent girls? Me too, and the transformation in time still perplexes me. Ageing is one thing, but naturally switching gender is a far more terrifying phenomenon. I only came to know this song through the recommendation of a Harry Potter and musical-loving (so yes, she adores A Very Potter Musical.) friend from college, to which I reluctantly accepted and listened. It's not even as though I like this song very much at all, because I don't, but the unfortunate reality is that I do like to at least some degree, so it has to go up for consideration on this list. It's personally one of my most irritating ear-worms, but credit where credit's due, holy shit is this track catchy... Bastards.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #3

Will Ferrell (as Jackie Moon) - Love Me Sexy

Without a hint of sarcasm, in its own unique way, this is one of my favourite songs ever - let alone just a guilty pleasure. Keeping up the funky trend from #4, this song is just...well, truth be told it's very Will Ferrell. The lyrics are crass (and mostly funny) as hell, but most importantly the music's actually pretty good to boot. You wouldn't hear Bob Dylan throwing around lyrics such as "let's fill the bathtub with sweat", "baby we're naked and we're humpin' sexy" and the infamous "take off your shoes and suck me sexy". The music industry has always been severely lacking in this department... tut tut tut. Go do yourselves a favour and watch Semi Pro - a very underrated sports comedy movie. Not convinced? André (3000) Benjamin stars in it. There we go, I knew you'd come around.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #4

Baccara - Yes Sir, I Can Boogie

Disco-uld be the best/worst dancefloor classic of all time. Hmmm...yeah, that pun just about works. Shoot me. Nobody would want murder on the dancefloor... Sophie Ellis-Bextor is absent from this list though, I'm afraid to say. Nevertheless, this song should definitely satisfy your desire to boogie like Marc Bolan in his prime. This really is about as '70s as it gets, and I'm ashamed to be unashamed to admit that I bloody love it. I dare you to listen to it the whole way through without being at least a little bit happy. It's a near perfect (guilty) pick-up. You were caught stealing stationery from work? Baccara. There's no biscuits left in the house? Baccara. Your beloved Fido's finally being put down? Baccara. Your spouse, thankfully unscathed, wrote off the family car? Baccara. You've just witnessed your entire close family slowly burnt to a crisp in a freak chip-pan fire accident, their desperate screaming clearly audible until the last signs of life are frazzled? Baccara. Tough break, dude.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #5

Can Bonomo - Love Me Back

Trust me on this one - I'm psychic. Are you thinking "What the fuck?" or words to similar effect? I knew it, and I don't blame you. Put your hands up if you love Eurovision! C'mon, let me see 'em! Anybody...? Y'see, the Eurovision Song Contest is one of the worst televised events of the year. The music is consistently crud, 'cept for a couple of notable rarities (HARD. ROCK. HALLELUJAH!!!), the territorial voting system is a complete sham, and crucially, it goes on for-fucking-ever. I'm a die hard viewer though. I mock the singers, overdub their vocals, scrape the barrel to find a favourite, bet on a winner, and tweet like the angriest little runt online. It's all good fun. Back to Can Bonomo though...no, I don't know either... Don't worry, I know this song is utter pap. But I like it a lot! It's worryingly catchy, and the slap bass is simply delicious in the guiltiest of guilty ways. Even if you hate the song (which you really should, for humanity's sake) there's entertainment value to be had, thanks to the overall ludicrousness of the official video. Asinine.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #6

Lady Gaga - You & I

You may have heard of this lady before. She's sort of famous in some places. Boy oh boy oh boy, does Lady Gaga divide opinion. I'm tempted to say she's a 'Marmite' artist, but my own opinion of her spoils the analogy. It does seem that most people either love her or hate her, but me personally? I don't mind her. I think she's decent but that'll do. The eccentric image is what puts many people off, although the sleazy pop potentially doesn't help either. The way I see it, there's no denying that she's got some damn good and damn catchy hits to her name, even if they may not be technically complex or entirely original. I can definitely see why Madonna's a little pissed off...but I don't care, because I hate Madonna. I fear that I may have strayed off topic a little...but hopefully my diversion has been  enough to not upset any 'Little Monsters'. That's 'fans', to you and I...see what I did there? Yeah, you did. You & I is the only Gaga song I would say that I really do genuinely like, but I really do genuinely like it. It's a far more rock oriented sounding tune, and it's all the better for it. Furthermore it features the one and only Brian May of Queen fame on guitar. I firmly believe this to be a truly underrated American rock anthem/ballad, despite the fact that obviously it's still achieved a hefty degree of fame (see what I did there? Okay, I'll shut up...) in its short time on Earth.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #7

Michael Bublé - Hollywood

Who doesn't love a bit of Mickey Bubbles? No...? I do, and I'm not afraid to admit it. My confession does nothing to prevent it from going down as a pretty big guilty pleasure though. He's the proud owner of one of the finest voices of this generation; so crisp, clean and controlled - both on the record and live. It'd take a mug to disagree. I'd say his voice is also rather inoffensive, although I do know people who simply cannot get along with it. That's fine - hell, I'm a Muse fan... Which brings me neatly onto the fact that this song really doesn't suit me. It's jazzy, upbeat and optimistic - all things that I am evidently not. This is why most of the more lively and cheerful songs that I listen to could be considered guilty pleasures. This one, though, is probably top of the list. There are no happy songs that I enjoy more. Cheers, Bubs. This doesn't mean there aren't any more happy songs altogether to be found on this top 30 though...oh no no...just you wait... Huh? What's that? Shhhhhhhh, I'm whispering...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #8

Toto - Africa

Time to thank Scrubs again. More specifically, I should be thanking Zach Braff's JD for singing this song in the bath in the seventh episode of the fifth series. Man, this song has such a big chorus to sweep the listener off their feet and take them across a transcontinental journey, finding themselves in real life Africa. Something like that anyway. Everyone knows why this song is embarrassing and a guilty pleasure; it just IS. In all honesty, nothing sums it up better than JD's tub-time rendition. So go get some mango body butter, run yourself a nice warm bath and just indulge...you tit.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #9

It took a lot of will-power to resist the temptation of naming The Beatles' Revolution 9 as my 9th highest ranked guilty pleasure. Not just because of the obvious 9 in the song title, but because of the infamously repeated "number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9". But then it struck me; I loathe it. It's one of the most ludicrously bad patchworks of music (if you can actually class it as such) that I've ever had the misfortune of coming across. It's certainly not what you'd expect from the song-writing behemoth that is John Lennon. I guess we all have our bad days. On with the show...

Ladyhawke - Black, White & Blue

Big thanks to EA Sports for introducing me to this song. Soundtracks from the annually iterated FIFA video game franchise are traditionally excellent, with a diverse range of international music being the dish of the day. I've always found more household names (that more directly appeal to my tastes) to cling onto over the years though, such as Muse, Gorillaz, Franz Ferdinand and, well...The Enemy. I openly admit that I like The Enemy, despite their obnoxiousness and relative shitness. Ladyhawke, however, is not a name I would have expected to pique such interest from me. I dare say that this track is my favourite out of all listed on the FIFA 13 soundtrack...even above Kasabian's Club Foot. Apparently this song can also be found in Forza Horizon and Sleeping Dogs, which is rather nifty. Reminds me, I still need to play both... There's a real tinge of Abba to the chorus, which is very often a good thing for a by the numbers pop hit, even if it may ride slightly too close to the awkward red-taped line of plagiarism. Regardless, this song's black, white and bloody brilliant. Urgh, me neither...me neither...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #10

Into the top 10, we charge! I've been simultaneously both dreading and gleefully anticipating this home straight. Without further ado, let's break into the final third.

Moloko - Pure Pleasure Seeker

Ah yes, this one's a bloody corker. Something about that looped brass riff gets me in the best possible way. Unfortunately, I don't think many people are aware of this song and so haven't been gotten in that same way. Worse than that, most people are completely unaware of Moloko these days after their split in 2006. Look up 'Sing It Back' and 'The Time Is Now' on YouTube; you'll know at least one of 'em for sure. No, I will not link them to you, you lazy bastard. With any luck we'll see a Moloko revival at some point in the near future, as their disbandment has been quoted as being only tentative and potentially temporary. Fingers crossed. I suppose the main reason this track has reached such an impressive peak point on this list is more to do with just how much I like it, rather than how much of a guilty pleasure it is. Yeah, it's another one of those songs. Seriously though, I like this way more than I should. I defy you to disagree; which you probably will because music's entirely subjective. Guess I'm just a pure guilty pleasure seeker...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #11

I'm finding that the further down the perilous line of music guilty pleasures I go, the more difficult it is to say much about them. It's very likely because by now the choices are so obviously guilty (though the pleasure may not be so obvious), that everything's just an obvious reason. Alas, that won't stop me at number 11. When we've reached number 1, you'll know...because the post will be titled with '#1'.

David Essex - Hold Me Close

I blame Roys for this one. I suppose what with the internet not being a Norfolk-only invention (Pah, to be honest we barely experience its perks over here anyway.) I'll have to divulge. Roys is a Norfolk based chain of department stores, and it's my current employer. Poor fools. Thank you, Ed Roy and co. But I digress... The playlist on the radio at work is a tad on the lean side, and so I'll often find myself becoming overly familiar with songs that I otherwise wouldn't have. Quite often, this is an unpleasant experience - yet with this David Essex classic, I don't seem to have built up and level of hatred. Quite the opposite. It may very well even be my most hummed-along-to song during my spell at Roys. Hopefully they'll hold me close and not let me go for a while longer too, because right now I'm in need of the moolah.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #12

Erasure - A Little Respect

I'd always assumed this song went by the title of 'Refrain', but apparently not. Whatever it's called, it's pretty damn infectious. If you don't believe me, check out Series 1 Episode 3 of Scrubs. In fact, even if you do believe me, check it out anyway. Turk (undeniably one of the coolest characters in anything ever) states that he hates this song. So there you go...it's a guilty pleasure. To be fair, it didn't need Donald Faison's condemnation to categorise it as a guilty pleasure. It's cheesy '80s synth pop, so fundamentally it's going to be fighting an uphill struggle by its mere genre. Is this the last of the '80s synth pop on this list? Well, would you like me to say 'yes' or tell you the truth?

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #13

Another cover version. I suppose you could say that this brings new meaning to 'from cover to cover'...

A Static Lullaby - Toxic

I know nothing about this band other than this song, which is a level of knowledge I'm perfectly content to sit tightly on. It pains me to admit that I never actually disliked the crack whore's (Britney Spears, of course) original. I wouldn't go as far as saying I liked it per se, but it's a catchy and dirty pop tune that gathered much attention. Haven't you always wanted to hear a slightly (much) heavier version of it though? No...? Liar. That's pretty much what this is, and it's fucking ace. Oooh, I swore! Edgy. It's a bit punky, a bit screamo, a bit stupid, a bit shit, a bit awesome, and a bit more indulgent. It is Toxic. This is a classic guilty pleasure, and I love it. Even if I don't feel like listening to this song, I won't skip it because I know that there's a pretty strong likelihood of it making me laugh. A laugh a day keeps the doctor away, as they say...with 'they' being a non-existent race of people who frequently mistake laughter for tree-grown fruit.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #14

"IS THIS THE WAY TO AMARILLO? EVERY NIGHT I'VE BEEN HUGGING MY PILLOW. DREAMING DREAMS OF AMARILLO. AND SWEET MARIE WHO WAITS FOR ME." 

Naaah, it's not that one...

Tony Christie - Only Ones Who Know

Much to my (relative) dismay, this song cannot be found anywhere on YouTube. I knew I'd step foot in the copyright mire at some point along the way on this guilty journey of guilty pleasures. Didn't expect it to happen with Tony Christie, though... I suppose what I'll have to do is whack the Arctic Monkeys' original version onto the end of this post. It's one of my all-time favourite Arctic Monkeys songs; a seriously beautiful songwriting gem from Alex Turner, and though I certainly don't prefer this cover version, it's a pretty darn decent stab. It retains some of the feeling of the first cut, whilst giving it a slightly more vintage feel. However, it's also Tony Christie...Tony...fucking...Christie...sha la la la la la la la...sha la la la la la la la...sha la la la la la la la... Yeah, you get the idea with that. Woah woah woah, any genuine link between AM's Hellcat Spangled Shalalala, or just a pure coincidence...? Mind not quite blown, but certainly provoked.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #15

Michael Jackson ft. Janet Jackson - Scream

Suspicions, mystery and controversy aside, Michael Jackson is what I'd refer to as a 'God Tier' artist; he's one of a select few untouchables. You wouldn't want to touch this track though, let alone listen to it... 'Scream' is certainly a fitting title. Okay, okaaay - I'm being overly harsh. In comparison with any one of his multitude of classics though, this song's a right stinker. I...ummm..I really like it though... I can't really say much more than that to be honest, and that's precisely why it's earned its place on my list. It's a straight up song that I get far more enjoyment out of than it's worth. Embarrassing, really. Oh, and it features the sound of breaking glass. One of those songs. Unnecessary. How God damn crazy is it that we're not all that far off the 4th anniversary of his death, by the way? Very God damn crazy. RIP MJ.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #16

Will Smith - Gettin' Jiggy Wit It

Scientology aside, it's hard not to love Will Smith. As far as modern(ish) actors go, it'd be tricky to disagree with granting him legendary status. But what about his rapping career...? We've ALL heard the theme tune to The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (in fact it was my ringtone for a long period of time a few years ago), but what of his other material? By critics and musical snobs it's a much maligned affair, and with a debut album called Big Willie Style, you can perhaps understand why. It's dated as hell too - stuck in that brightly coloured '90s void. None of this bothers me though. I find his hits such as Gettin' Jiggy Wit It (and the honourable mentions of Summertime, Miami, Wild Wild West, Men In Black, Nod Ya Head and Girls Ain't Nothin' But Trouble) to be too infectious to ignore...despite my obvious whiteness...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #17

For a second I had a major blonde moment there. I thought that what with this being the 17th placed guilty pleasure, on the 17th day of the month, I must have finally caught up on my slack posting of late. Then I quickly realised that naturally I'm doing this in numerically descending order... Whoops.

Depeche Mode - Just Can't Get Enough

This song bears both fresh reasons for me liking it, and fresh reasons for it being considered a guilty pleasure. On a fundamental level, I of course do like this song - otherwise it wouldn't be here on this list at all; not even at the bottom end (ooh err), let alone middling. Any football fans in the house? Any Liverpool FC fans in the house? Any Luis Suarez fans in the house? Yes, yes and yes again, if the house we're talking about is mine. Just Can't Get Enough is the controversial and talismanic Uruguayan's goalscoring celebration music, with modified lyrics. Therefore I associate this track with some form of elation. Fortunately, I don't seem to associate with the sheer disappointment that tends to be felt at the final whistle. Why's it a guilty pleasure then? I'll knock the two factors out as quickly as I can. Firstly, go watch the video above if you haven't already. Secondly, remember a certain girl group doing a cover version for Comic Relief? No? You'd best watch the video below then. Emphasis on the watching, rather than the listening...no particular reason why...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #18

I really struggled with this one, because I told myself I wasn't allowed to have any artists make multiple appearances on this list. Not only this, but I'm not even allowed to have a band and a member of that band's solo work both featured. Don't ask me why, but that's just the way I feel most comfortable doing this. That basically means that you can pick any one of the following 4, based on your own personal preference... If I had to choose one though, I'd probably go with the first - merely on the basis that I like it the most. I know that some people are disgusted by this opinion, but I firmly believe it to be a truly underrated song despite its chart success. Here we go then...

Take That - Kidz

Also-rans

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #19

Fatman Scoop - Be Faithful

I absolutely loved this song when it first came out, and I'd struggle to tell you why. It was probably just the novelty of shouting "all the chicken-heads, be quiet" that did it. Confused by the strikethrough? Turns out the single was initially released in 1999, with a re-release 4 years later in 2003. It's a pretty damn popular track, this one;  more so than the song it (heavily) samples from - which is Faith Evans' Love Like This, in case you were wondering. I was, which is why I Googled that shizz. I also absolutely loved the video when it first came out. I must have been a particularly easily amused 8 year old, eh? I remember going bowling for somebody's birthday party and being worryingly excited by the prospect of paying 50p to get this song played on the jukebox and screens. When it finally happened, time stood still. Our necks craned upwards. Our feet began to tap. We mimed along, doing the best (though incidentally it was probably the worst) impression of a generic black rapper that we possibly could. Good times. What an extraordinary anecdote... Definitely one for the grandchildren. Interested to know what Fatman Scoop's been up to recently by the way? Take a gander...

BEWARE

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