Red Hot Chili Peppers – “I’m With You” Review

As a massive Red Hot Chili Peppers fan, I cannot guarantee that this LP will be reviewed in a totally impartial way. This doesn’t mean that my judgement of it will be biased per sé. Well, it does, but bias is inevitable and unavoidable. What I mean to say is that I shall come to my conclusions in a fair and valid way – it’s just that my opinions on various songs, be it on “I’m With You” or other songs from the Chilis’ back catalogue may be referred to in a less formal manner. I think I know what I’m trying to say here, so just pretend that you do too and everything will be fine.

By the way, is this a good time boys, or has their fortune faded?

So here we are. This has been 5 and a half years in the making now, which makes it all the more surprising that the hype and speculation surrounding the release of this album has been lukewarm at best for the Californian punk-funk rockers. Perhaps there’s an undercurrent of apprehension present, due to band members’ rapidly increasing ages. Bar one member, that is. And perhaps it is he who bears most of the reason for the lacking public anticipation. More accurately, it is he whose shoes he is filling in the band who could be the cause for mild concern over this latest RHCP album rather than the other members’ quickly advancing years. 2 years ago, in 2009, guitarist John Frusciante left the band for the second time. Over the years he’s arguably been the band’s most integral influence – in song-writing and performing. Frusciante’s replacement comes in the form of Josh Klinghoffer; a man whose playing style may be different and whose relative youth may seem worrying. However, he’s a very familiar figure with the Chilis, having teamed up with them for the Stadium Arcadium Tour, and he’s more experienced than many may have thought; his projects ranging from working with PJ Harvey to Beck, to Gnarls Barkley and even his predecessor John Frusciante’s prolific solo career.Up until now the Red Hot Chili Peppers have stood the test of time very well indeed. Their debut came way back in 1984, but now, 27 years forward in 2011, do they still have what it takes to stay sounding fresh and musically relevant, or should the funky monks retire and head back to the monastery for comfort and shelter?

The album opens in fine spirits with the upbeat, grooving, marching, Monarchy Of Roses. It begins with a watery-distorted vocal verse, which is almost Warped-esque; and you’d expect it to go pretty heavy from here on in. Does that happen? Nope. Bam, in comes the swirling disco funk. Just when you’ve got into the groove, out it goes and back in comes the stompy, distorted verse. You know what’s about to come next. Bam, in comes the swirling disco funk for round two. The guitar work towards the end of the track is pretty encouraging, when you re-realise that Frusciante is absent. In fact, here it sounds almost Dave Navarro/One Hot Minute-esque. The backing vocals are ever so average though, and so the longing for Frusciante’s return nearly creeps upon us within the first 5 minutes of this record. Luckily though, it likely won’t, ‘cause Monarchy Of Roses is excellent. It’s one of the best songs on the album, and a perfect way to set the ball rolling. The Red Hot Chili Peppers are back. 8/10

Do you find yourself wondering how good the bass is on I’m With You? Do you? Your answer is found in Factory Of Faith, so go go go, listen to it! NOW! Come back to this point of the review when you’re done. You don’t need to, by the way. This track opens with a cheeky little jumpy-bass riff, and it never looks back. The drum beat is simple as hell, but it allows the bass to come to the forefront, with Anthony Kiedis singing and rapping along to make this little ditty Typhoid-level infectious. To close the song is a neat little mechanical guitar solo, which is perhaps some of the most subtly effective guitar playing on the album. Thankfully it (the song itself) doesn’t overstay its welcome, therefore ensuring that you’ll come back to this track several more times for another fix. 7/10

Quality-wise, I’m With You doesn’t hold back at all with its opening few tracks. Brendan’s Death Song received much coverage prior to the album’s release, without the general public being able to even listen to the song. Q Magazine, in an preview of I’m With You, described it as the best new song from the Chili Peppers. I can see why. It’s an ode to Brendan Mullen, the founder of a small punk-rock club in the ‘80s – who later died in 2009 after suffering a stroke. It seems that when Anthony Kiedis can find something of emotional importance to attach to one of his songs, he becomes a totally different lyricist. By this I mean he becomes a half-decent lyricist at the very least. After the funkiness of the two tracks prior to Brendan’s Death Song, it’s actually quite refreshing to have a song that toys with themes of life and death; and this refreshment is only heightened by the fact that this song is probably the best to be found on the whole of I’m With You. Kiedis sings it with feeling, without going overboard, Chad Smith’s drumming is measured to begin with, before becoming more active after the halfway mark. Klinghoffer plays his part fine as well… I love the way the song in essence never changes too much – the build-up is exceptional, hitting a frantic peak and then softly floating back down to Earth. “Like I said, you know I’m almost dead, you know I’m almost gone” are the repeatedly chanted words from Kiedis. Brendan’s Death Song is an out of body experience for the Chili Peppers. A beautiful one, at that. 9/10

Ethiopa’s up next, a track clearly influenced by the band’s trip out to Africa – funded by none other than Damon Albarn of Blur and Gorillaz fame. “We’re rolling everybody. It starts with bass” points out Flea, to kick the track off. Mmm, we love a bit of the bass. It’s said to be Chad Smith’s favourite song from the album, due to its unrivalled ability to make him smile. Smiling is a good thing by the way, and Ethiopa certainly does have the ability to raise a hearty smile on the face of the listener. It’s a great little feel-good track for both the listener and the members of the band themselves – despite being “lost in Ethiopia”, Kiedis and co are clearly having a good time. Unfortunately, this song is one of a few where the guitar parts are utterly unremarkable. It isn’t bad on the whole, but yet another low-skill solo feels cheap and makes me want to wail like a small child who’s desperate to have his own way. ‘His own way’, is the return of John Frusciante. Nevertheless, yet again this is some great music. 7/10 

Some may mistakenly feel as though they’re listening to something from the By The Way sessions with this next song. Unfortunately, it’s more akin to a B-side from their hit 2001 album than anything else. I’m With You seems to seriously lack a big-hitter; a song that jumps out and sticks in the memory in the same way as Can’t Stop, for example. Annie Wants A Baby doesn’t change that. As perfectly pleasant and musically sound as this song is, it doesn’t really do anything. I like it, sure, but that’s not really the point. Yet again the lyrics are absolute tripe too. As for the guitar solo, if you dare class it as one? Klinghoffer lacks the passion, skill and enthusiasm of Frusciante. Snoozefest. 5/10

The volume, the pace and the bass picks up again with Look Around. It’s quite reminiscent of Californication’s Purple Stain and Stadium Arcadium’s 21st Century. Sound good to you? Be careful. The familiarity of this song may be its downfall. Again, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with this track, but I can’t help but feel as though I’d be more impressed had I not been feeling any shades of déjà vu. I guess I just expect better from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. At times, especially towards the end, it begins to feel like self-parody. For a band that’s never taken themselves too seriously, this isn’t such a bad thing – but it’s a bad thing nonetheless. For all its energy, Look Around is actually quite dull. Another song that sounds more like a B-side; this time probably from Stadium Arcadium. 5/10

Ah yes, the lead single; The Adventures Of Raindance Maggie. Chances are you’ve heard this song several times by now. Given shed-loads of radio airplay despite barely even scratching the surface of the charts worldwide, its sales performance has been hugely disappointing. This may be down to the fact that it leaked several days early, or simply due to a lack of promotion and advertising. Who knows? I’ll be one of the first people to admit that this song isn’t exactly what the fans were hoping for in a comeback single from one of the biggest bands in the world, but I don’t want to criticise it. I can’t criticise it, you see. Why’s that? I guess I just really like the song… No, it’s not just that I like the song a lot; I genuinely do believe it’s a great song, and to be honest I am surprised that it didn’t do as well as expected. It’s one of the catchiest tunes the Chilis have ever produced, right the way through from the solid bass to the boppity beat, to the motherfucking cowbell. Lyrically it’s par for the course really - “Tugboat Sheila is into memorabilia” pretty much tells you all you need to know about not just Raindance Maggie, but the entirety of the album. There's a mini guitar solo too, but in essence it adds nothing to the song - if anything it takes away, drenching the song in noise. As far as rock music goes, this is about as tame as they come, but anybody hoping for anything particularly heavy or X-rated was clearly looking at the wrong end of the band’s career. “Cock-blocking isn’t allowed” is as rude as it gets, my dear. Great, immediate, solid single. The official video for the song is pretty cool too. 8/10

Tasked with firmly getting I’m With You back on track is Did I Let You Know (This I Know). Me being the massive pedant I am, it strikes me that a little question mark would have done a hell of a lot of good for the song title, but I shall move on. The feel-good atmosphere flows all the way back, in a similar way in which Ethiopia does a few tracks earlier. It seems that the African vibe suits the new look Red Hot Chili Peppers more so than attempting to hark back to their style of old. Flea brings out his trumpet for a brief but brilliant solo, and the tribal percussion used throughout the song really is rather fantastic. There’s one thing I’m curious about on this song, and that’s the backing vocals during the chorus. I can’t for the life of me figure out who it is singing it…I’ve assumed it’s Klinghoffer, but it sounds more like there may be a hidden female member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers somewhere. Part of me is very tempted to give this track top marks for rhyming ‘cheeky’ with ‘Mozambiquey’ but I’ll try to stay at least moderately sensible for the remainder of this review. 8/10

Oh dear. Just when we thought I’m With You was back on track, and slotting into a nice little groove, the pace, volume and bass picks up one more time to do its very best to flood the album with predictable mediocrity. In truth, Goodbye Hooray’s chorus is just plain bad. In partnership with Look Around, there’s a decent slice of self-parody to be found on the record. I’m hoping it was deliberate, but we all know it’s not. Again, you’d be well inclined to expect this song to have been a B-side, but it’s somehow crept its way onto the final cut. There’s really not very much to say about this track. Its one redeeming moment is found in a quick breakdown, which is tranquil and chilled-out enough to just about give me the required strength to tolerate one final run-through of the chorus. Blergh. 5/10

Time for a frolic. Happiness Loves Company is probably the brightest, happiest song I’ve ever heard the Red Hot Chili Peppers dare to record. It bounces along with primary colour promise. This is all well and good the first couple of times you hear it, but I challenge you to listen to it more than 5 times and not find yourself either cringing or simply reaching for the skip button. The story’s getting a little bit samey now, because no, this song isn’t bad. It’s all musically good, but it’s absolutely 100% nothing special. I honestly thought Happiness Loves Company was going to go a little bit ragtime on my arse, but (probably) thankfully it doesn’t. 6/10

Softly enters Police Station, the second of I’m With You’s two tracks that actually make the slightest bit of sense. This is a piano ballad; and before you yawn, let me tell you that this is one of the best songs on the album. In fact, this and Brendan’s Death Song, the only songs with stories to tell, are easily distinguishable as the greatest moments on I’m With You. The verses are ever so laid back, with Klinghoffer’s backing vocals both soothing and haunting at the same time. The chorus then erupts in grandiose fashion, and it makes one wonder why the band never attempted the piano ballad until this late stage in their career. Kiedis’s vocal delivery is heartfelt and sweet when it needs to be, but then suitably powerful the next. He’s sounding bloody excellent on this record. According to him, Police Station is about the history of the LA police department since the turn of the century, including their abuse of power and their views on hip-hop culture. Hearing that man speak even the slightest shred of sense is arguably more like music to my ears than any of what can be found on I’m With You. Please note that this is not a dig at the album, but instead a comment on how consistently ridiculously poor RHCP’s lyrics have been since they formed. However, it's also apparently about the fading of a Hollywood star. Maybe it's down to us to decide? Maybe Kiedis doesn't actually know what he's talking (singing) about... Anyway, this song is fantastic. 9/10

The piano stays onstage for Even You Brutus?, a jangling, bouncing, rocking song that oozes pure theatre. Quite fitting then, that it’s onstage where the piano stays, along with the band members themselves. Admittedly, my choice of words there was pure luck and not through deliberate choice. It opens with the now pretty tired formula of rapped nonsense (much like the ending of Stadium Arcadium’s Death of a Martian), but when he sings, you know that Kiedis still has the right to keep going with what he does best if there were ever any doubts raised as to whether he was past his sell by date. Here he roars/screams/wails/yelps/shrieks like a cat, which as stupid as it sounds, actually works really well indeed. The chorus is pompous, catchy, and more grandiose than anything you’ll find on I’m With You. Of all the tracks on the album, Even You Brutus is the one which is most desperately calling for a wicked guitar solo. It never comes though, and the song ends rather abruptly. A sing-a-long classic. 8/10

Meet Me At The Corner is a little bit of a low-laying number, and it’s a little bit lovely too. It’s likely to drift by without you even realising, so it’s definitely deserving of multiple listens. Klinghoffer’s backing vocals return here, and once again his style is going to take some getting used to. I should probably add that his main part early on in the song sounds eerily like MGMT. Just warning you. While on the subject of Klinghoffer, he plays a neat little guitar outro which literally stops the very moment it gets going. It’s actually a little bit frustrating, because I was really hoping he could give himself a chance to shine. Musically basic, but atmospherically thick, Meet Me At The Corner has a small role to play late on in the album, and it makes sure that diversity is maintained on the album without the overall cohesion ever being questioned. Some may class it as filler, but it’s too pleasant to be a waste of space. This song is like glue; glue that tastes pretty nice too. 7/10

And so here we are; the final track. Are we in for an emotional closer, à la Venice Queen? Simply put, no, absolutely not. I’m still not really sure what to make of Dance, Dance, Dance. It sounds like a nice way to close the enjoyable party that I’m With You has been, with the African vibe returning once again, but for me there’s one flaw… Unfortunately, this flaw is in the track’s title itself, when being sung. It’s slightly out of Kiedis’s comfortable reach, thus making it awkward and uncomfortable for the listener. I know I’m not the only one who believes this to be true. Ultimately, Dance, Dance, Dance is a tad forgettable. 6/10

The track-by-track section of the review was supposed to be quick and to the point…whoops. Let's see how concise the conclusion is, eh?

Artwork courtesy of Damien Hirst. Nice.

I’m With You is a progression in sound for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Many elements of their past remain, but the influence of pop and piano are more prominent than ever. Quality-wise what’s on offer is relatively inconsistent, but stylistically it all holds together very well for a cohesive listening experience. Dealing with a change of line-up is never easy for any band, but thankfully, this is no train-wreck of an album; not at all. That said, it’d be ignorant to claim that John Frusciante’s absence isn’t noticeable. In stepped Klinghoffer to say “I’m With You”, but ironically, it couldn’t be further from the truth. Josh’s guitar work is bland. This is perhaps more down to the iffy mixing rather than his technical playing, I’m not sure. He’s competent when called upon, but (a) he’s not exactly called upon to do much anyway, and (b) he often sounds distant and drowned out by 3 more experienced, proficient musicians. You want solos? Think again. You want riffs? Think again. Seriously. In actuality, Josh Klinghoffer remains the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ backup guitarist – because Frusciante’s true replacement is just Flea. Having learned music theory and the piano, there’s more plink-plonking (particularly in the album’s second half) and prominent bass playing (particularly in the album’s first half) on I’m With You than there is much in the way of conventional guitar strumming. It’s a huge shame and it’s a downer that really does threaten to bring the album down a notch. One of the fans’ fears prior to the release of this massively anticipated record has indeed become a reality. Frusciante is clearly dearly missed. This unfortunate truth doesn’t ruin the experience though. Large steps have been made towards finding a style that suits the Chili Peppers right now, and I have my utmost faith and confidence in that fact that come the next album (whenever that may be), the Red Hots will be in fine form, as comfortable as ever and crucially able to deliver the killer track or two that I’m With You hasn’t been able to. There’s a lot of fun to be had on I’m With You, and so recommending it is easy. Its imperfections are confidently outbalanced by moments of brilliance. You know what to do now – buy it.

7/10
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Facebook Commenting

Say what you like about Facebook, it's pretty damn brilliant. It's done a hell of a lot to change the way society thinks and works, and this influence will only strengthen as the user-base grows. I could write about what makes Facebook such a great service, but I honestly have no desire whatsoever to do so - this is only enhanced by the fact that I focus on Facebook's flaws far more often than its plus points anyway. But this isn't about any of the ups or the downs of Facebook; this is about a certain (and rather frequent) happening that makes me cringe so God damn hard I feel as though my face may give in and become permanently corrugated. I've pretty much only ever seen this happen with the older users of Facebook - perhaps those that don't quite understand the concept, or haven't fully grasped the purpose of many of its features. I've seen it happen so many times before, and each and every time it makes me chuckle and groan at the very same time. Here's what happens. Somebody posts a status, the content of which could be anything. Say, for example, John Smith posts a status about the day's footballing action:

"Mr Wenger has totally lost the plot! Changes are needed."

A couple of people 'like' the status, and that's perfectly fine. In fact, it probably makes John feel more satisfied in life. The very first comment though, instead of referring to and responding to the point initially made in the status, actually then goes in a completely different direction. Why? God knows.

"Hey john hant seen you or you mum in aages! Shud catch up soon. Hope u ok x x x "

...says Mary, the Aunt that lives on the other side of the country. I've seen this kind of exchange happen so many times I actually have lost count. Does Mary not fully understand the appropriate use of Facebook's various features? Is she trying to embarrass John? Does she want to look out of touch? And why is she so literally challenged? Would it really have taken much longer to write "Hey John, I haven't seen you or your mum in ages! We should catch up soon. I hope you're okay xxx". None of those words are even close to approaching a 4 out of 10 on the spelling difficulty scale, if such a scale were to exist.  It's clear that the message she's putting across would be far more suited to being a chat message, wall post, or mail. What Mary's done in choosing a comment as her preferred method, however, is interrupt a public statement with something totally irrelevant. It's plain awkward. She needn't even use Facebook to say what she wanted to say. They're family for fuck's sake, nobody's going to mind if she rings up to speak to her relatives across the UK - she wants to catch up soon, after all!

What she probably doesn't realise she's doing is that she's essentially changing the subject, without poor John's consent. Anybody who would have commented on the status with anything actually related to THE FUCKING FOOTBALL probably won't now, because 'that weird woman' has hijacked the status for herself, turning it into a brief, pleasant, public conversation which stops after a mere couple of comments back and forth, therefore deeming the status defunct. Dead. Kaput. Down and out. Out of action. What you're doing, Mary, is invading John's social life - an area of his life you've never been part of for more than a couple of visits per year. He probably only accepted you as a friend on Facebook out of politeness anyway. Wise up, Mary. I'm sorry, this grinds my gears a bit - as you can probably tell. The example I gave was completely fictional by the way, in case you couldn't tell; but it was based on several comments I've seen before, right down to the detail of spelling mistakes and typos. Chow for now!

Irrelevant comments are welcomed on this post, for the ironic humour it entails.

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Sexy Shades Showcase

This'll be my lot for today, video wise. Over the coming weeks you'll likely see each pair of these sunglasses for a lot more time. Lucky you, lucky me.

Arsenal v Liverpool - Rambling

My new webcam hasn't exactly turned out to be quite what I was hoping for, but for now at least, it'll have to do. Right now I'm certainly only just beginning to get to grips with this, so I can assure you that improvements will be made - perhaps even in the form of me not bothering to do any more videos. Opening with wet hair was a joke, by the way.

Jamie Matthews - “I Came” Review

Quite a quiet release, this one. The basic concept for this album was created after Mr Matthews was told by a so called ‘friend’ that songs, and therefore albums, take a hell of a long time to write and record. Jamie disagreed. Challenge accepted. He’s had no musical education, other than the diabolical lessons in the school years up until year 9 in which you learn nothing but how to shake maracas and turn on a keyboard. Probably. Recorded and produced using Apple’s GarageBand software, “I Came” is a budget debut from Jamie Matthews – being released and put up for download for not a penny. Yup, it’s 100% free. Thanks, Jamie. Fundamentally, I’m going to have to review this album from a slightly different standpoint than normal. This isn’t about the musical content – always encouraging for MUSIC. I’ll of course take its vocal, instrumental and song-writing values into consideration when it comes to rating the album overall; but I won’t give it too much focus, if only to avoid upsetting the artist. Just kidding. Mostly. To give you a rough idea of what we’re dealing with here, take a look at the tracklisting:

1. Raep Raep Raep
2. The Bullying Song
3. Yarmouth
4. Meaning of Life
5. Animal Uprising
6. Social Networking
7. Poppadom Song
8. Instrumental Interlude
9. Happiness and Such
10. No Homo
11. Love Above the Waist
12. Intro Music (For a Kid’s Show)
13. Poignant Poem
14. Birdsong (Bex’s Song)

A range of themes, both light and dark, are covered in “I Came”. It’s this topical diversity that makes the record on the whole that little bit more appealing than it perhaps should be. One minute you’re being swamped by heavy-hitters such as the intelligently contemplative “Meaning of Life” and the next minute you’re stuck in the middle of the a full-scale riot of all God’s creatures, in “Animal Uprising” – broadcast to the listener by Jamie Burgundy, which is sure to raise a chuckle from the “Anchorman” fans among you – such a myself. Yes, I chuckled. This album really does stretch from one end of the spectrum to the other in its variety though; when it’s dark it’s dark, and when it’s light it is certainly light. “Poignant Poem” and “Love Above the Waits” are almost chilling in their hollow vocal delivery, whereas “Raep Raep Raep” is…plain distasteful. Unless of course you advocate the non-consented sex of 7 year old children – which you shouldn’t. Matthews doesn’t either, it’s just part of his wicked sense of humour. Please try not to be offended. It’s clear then, that Jamie was never looking to make a particularly cohesive album. In terms of instrumentation and song structures, the tracks all piece together rather well; as you’d expect from only one piece of software being used. Yet the album itself has no overarching theme, no point, no purpose, no intention, no desire, no message.

Onto the album’s musical credentials, which I earlier said I’d skim over quickly, but it can’t be avoided. Vocally, this is far from perfect. A couple of choruses may have you wondering whether they should be sung in totally different keys. The rest of the choruses are merely partially out of tune. What’s either distortion or the common garden auto-tune is very prominent indeed, whenever there’s vocals to be listened to or even winced at. Admittedly, that was overly harsh. You could argue that this is part of the album’s charm – after all, Jamie knows he’s not a singer. You could also argue that it means it’s shit. Take your pick. Spoken parts, however, are generally great. In fact, they more than make up for the majority of the singing being not up to scratch. Jamie’s speaking voice is crisp, clear and coherent. He’s evidently a well-spoken and well-mannered chap who knows how to articulate his points precisely and wittily – to music.

So how about the backing music? For a man (supposedly) completely lacking in musical know-how, some of it really isn’t all that bad. No, it’s better than that – plenty of it is good. As you’d expect, it’s still a mixed bag though. I’m still undecided as to whether “Raep Raep Raep” is supposed to sound so jagged, but because of the menacing and deeply inappropriate theme, I’ll give Jamie the benefit of the doubt. Sick bastard. The overly-pleasant “Happiness and Such” and “The Bullying Song” are genuinely catchy as tunes, which is nice because most of the album consists of short songs and skits that focus more on telling a little story of some kind, rather than ingraining themselves in your head. I don’t mean this as a bad thing, no no; on the contrary – it’s just surprising to find yourself humming and whistling some of the songs several hours after you last heard them. On the subject of “The Bullying Song”, it’s one a few songs that actually made me laugh. Others include the ridiculously racist “Poppadom Song” (which references and questions the British population’s inherent racism, as opposed to displaying Jamie’s racist views. He’s not racist at all, would you believe), “Yarmouth” (a wonderfully accurate insight into ‘Great’ Yarmouth, condensed into just over a minute and a half), “Social Networking” (a silly song about internet activity and how it can quickly become daily monotony) and “No Homo” (an audio sketch, if you will, about how sexual activity is not gay unless your balls are touching. Yummy). The main gripe I have with the musical instrumentation is the lack of depth on offer. Layers are thin, and there’s never very many of them; hence very nearly plunging the entire album into the depths of easy-listening music.

Lyrically, it’s a pretty hearty thumbs-up to Mr Matthews. Sombre tones are as equally well-achieved as more upbeat and chirpy numbers, thanks in some part to some consistently decent lyrics. Brilliance is just on the horizon too, with snippets such as ‘relationSHIT’ and ‘I turn my sad frown upside down’. It’s worth noting by the way, that this album is in no way suitable for the kiddies. Expletives can be found in a couple of the songs, thus the album sleeve being garnered with a Parental Advisory logo. Something tells me that you already knew this album wasn’t one for the young ones though, after merely taking a passing glance at the aforementioned eye and album-opening “Raep Raep Raep”.

It’s difficult to come to a solid conclusion on “I Came”. It’s a wildly varied, smile-inducing and thought-provoking record, that relies on its uniquely charming design to hold its own. In truth, the quality is all over the place; especially when it comes to the vocal delivery. It’s Jamie’s surprising song-writing prowess that enables me to give “I Came” a moderately credible review at the least. There’s so much room for improvement, sure, but that can only make me more excited for the follow up that’s in the works - “I Saw”. Y’see, you’ve got to remember that this is a debut effort from a bored 17 year old boy, who’s simply proving a point to a friend in the best way possible. This is a patchwork of music that you’re bound to have an opinion on. He came, and hopefully he won’t be leaving any time soon.

6/10

Oh, and did I mention that it’s FUCKING FREE?! FREE OF CHARGE! GET IT NOW!

Jamie’s Website: http://jmmusic.tk/

Download link: I Came

Google Accounts

Earlier today I spent the best part of a couple of hours trying to figure out how I could make myself a new YouTube account with a decent username, ready for when I order my new webcam. Initially I simply wanted to change my existing account's password, but apparently that's impossible. My aim was to keep my existing 'jenkinsmckenzie' account running (because it's got a fair few videos on it) and create a brand spanking new account alongside it. Sound fair? Well... It turns out you're not allowed two YouTube accounts on the same e-mail address. This is seemingly only a slight inconvenience, sure; but because of this limitation, you can't connect two separate YouTube accounts to your Google account. Currently I have a Google account that covers this very blog, and the 'jenkinsmckenzie' YouTube profile. At this stage I'd then worked out in my mind that the best thing to do would be to disconnect my YouTube account from my Google account, and hope that my new YouTube account can then be synchronized with my existing Google account, even though they're running off different e-mail addresses. I never found out whether this would be possible (likely not), because you can't disconnect a YouTube account from a Google account unless you actually delete the YouTube account completely. This I am not prepared to do. I thought about deleting my Google account and creating a new one OR deleting it, creating a new one on my alternate e-mail address, creating a new YouTube account on the same hotmail, and migrating my Blogger account to that email address. Turns out that neither of those are possible, because deleting a Google account automatically initiates the deletion of any account that branches off it. Bugger. So, why can't I just create a new YouTube account, and not connect it to a Google account at all? Don't ask me, but I can't. Google states that YouTube accounts must be connected to a Google account. That basically means that I'll have to create a second Google account just for YouTube. This sounds all well and good, but I'd have to switch Google accounts when moving from YouTube to Blogger every single time. This would drive me nuts. What I'm having to do then, is keep my existing YouTube account - the name of which I hate (it was created by my older brother several years ago), and post my new videos on there instead. Brilliant. Google, sort this shit out. Wouldn't it be simpler to let me change my username? I think so. Needless to say I'm pretty hacked off with this whole debacle.

Please do feel free to share any similar problems you've experienced with Google's incredibly awkward account system, as a comment or even via any of the below methods.

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Top 20 Favourite Bands

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. I like my music, and I’ve always enjoyed ranking, rating, and comparing things from a very young age. I’ve often half-arsedly attempted to draw up a list of my favourite bands and artists, in order of how much I like them, but to no avail. For whatever reason, I find it very difficult to distinguish whether I like one thing that I like more than I like another thing that I like. Yes, I deliberately worded that badly. I put it like that because obviously I can compare something I like with something I dislike with my eyes shut. Anyhoo, here goes nothing.

1. Muse
2. Red Hot Chili Peppers
3. Arctic Monkeys
4. Foo Fighters
5. Coldplay
6. Radiohead
7. Blur
8. Rage Against The Machine
9. Gorillaz
10. Queen
11. Madness
12. Kasabian
13. White Lies
14. Elbow
15. Pendulum
16. Them Crooked Vultures
17. Led Zeppelin
18. Queens Of The Stone Age
19. Franz Ferdinand
20. Keane 

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Things I've Thunk: Inc. Wales and Cher Lloyd - Swagger Jagger

• Wales' wildly inconsistent patterns of weather are deeply unsettling. "Excellent, it's bright and sunny out; fancy a walk?" "Yeah sure, that's a great idea. Let's go." "Actually, no, fuck that shit. It's raining cunting cats and dogs now. Bugger that." This conversation never actually happened, but it's a pretty darn realistic example of the kind of dialogue you'd hear if you were eavesdropping on a conversation I was participating in. This is for two simple reasons. A) The weather's atrociously indecisive in terms of what it wants to be doing. B) I'm a bit of a swearoholic, for which I'm sorry. God damn I love authenticity.
• For a long time now I've despaired at the atrocity that is the UK top 40. Rock music rarely succeeds, with auto-tuned, uninspired tripe tending to prevail. This is exactly why Cher Lloyd has shot straight to number one with her debut single; 'cause believe me, it's tripe alright. Swagger Jagger does so much wrong, it's actually quite difficult to write about the extent of its, well, shitness. In fact, I don't want to describe this song in much detail at all. Y'see, I'm not actually much of a fan of vomiting myself into a state of soggy paralysis. I honestly think this song gives Rebecca Black's Friday a run for its money - a statement that says everything you need to know about the overall quality of Cher Lloyd's Swagger Jagger. Unless there's been a massive spike in the demand for torture music, I can't for the life of me understand why people would actually pay to listen to this dump in download form (or a single CD, if you're the kind of person that prefers to listen to and get hands on with physical faeces). Enough is enough.
• Saving money is a piece of piss. Went to a car boot sale in Swansea earlier in the week, and bought myself Season 8 of Family Guy for a quid. Later in the day I was browsing in HMV, and found Season 8 of Family Guy for £30. Fuck yes. That is all.
• I'm obsessed with pocket watches. Why, you ask? Because I'm delusionally posh in the worst way. I'm not posh, but I am. See what I mean? No? Me neither. I ordered a cheap-o one for a fiver from some lovely chaps in Hong Kong, and I've been in love ever since - not with the one I actually purchased, that is. I'm dying for a proper little pocket watch. The main stumbling block is the issue of cash. Browsing through the UK's number one pocket watch retailer's website taught me that a CHEAP pocket watch will set me back around 50 squids. That's a lot of seafood. On the one hand that makes me realise how much of a good deal my steam-punk style Hong Kong born brandless model was, but at the same time, it further made me realise how much I'd love to own a swish beast of high class and value; 'cause I'm a prick like that.

Rhyming Oxymoron Alliteration

Recently I’ve become obsessed with the idea of finding two words put together, that rhyme, alliterate and form an oxymoron. Why? I just don’t know. My curiosity with the English language has its moments where it flares up and I can’t control it – such as now, where I won’t stop until I find something that fits the bill. Brainstorming (yeah, go on, flame me for being such an un-politically correct bastard) has proven problematic so far, as I have no idea about what way to set about creating a piece of rhyming oxymoron alliteration. An oxymoron that merely alliterates on its own is hard enough, so I fear that the rhyming element is asking a little too much of my small Welsh mind. Perhaps I’ll stumble across one in the future; who knows? And if you’ve stumbled across this page, and happen to have some suggestions to satisfy my unexplainably insatiable desire to find an oxymoron that both rhymes and alliterates, please don’t hesitate to comment on this post or indeed get in touch through any other method. Facebook, YouTube, Twitter and Formspring links can be found below.
Ciao for now!

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Barclays Premier League Prediction 2011/2012

1. Manchester City
   
2. Chelsea
   
3. Manchester United
   
4. Liverpool
   
5. Arsenal
   
6. Tottenham
   
7. Aston Villa
   
8. Everton
   
9. Sunderland
   
10. Fulham
    
11. West Brom
    
12. Stoke
    
13. Bolton
    
14. Newcastle
    
15. Wolves
    
16. Swansea
    
17. Norwich
    
18. Blackburn
    
19. QPR
    
20. Wigan

In truth, I found this very difficult indeed to construct. Throughout the whole of the table there’s massive uncertainties – obviously that’s the nature of a prediction of this ilk, but more so than ever I believe. If you’ve got an opinion, you have no excuse to show it and share it! Please feel free to comment with what you personally think.

Whatever Happened To Super Monkey Ball?

 

Super Monkey Ball 1 and 2 on the Nintendo Gamecube hold a very special place in my heart. The single-player mode’s always decent, sure (not to mention fiendishly difficult!) but for me it’s the multi-player modes that I’ll remember especially fondly. Be it just me and my brother, or more likely me, my brother and my cousin, or me and one or more school friends, we’d have an absolute whale of a time with simian-rolling mayhem on those tiny little discs for ol’ Ninty’s unsuccessful purple (and later various other colours, of course) box of a console, with a handle. The only console ever to have a handle, by the way. Now I’m not being completely stupid here and asking where the Super Monkey Ball series has gone, as though it’s been discontinued; because I know it’s still going. What has stopped though, and is now long since dead, is the spark. We spent hours of our time mucking about, getting too competitive and simply laughing our arses off with the 2 Monkey Ball games. I’ve given the more recent entrants to Sega’s series a chance, and I can’t say I’ve ever been more than slightly impressed. The usual feeling is of disappointment – that the game I’m playing just isn’t like the ones I loved. I initially thought I’d grown out of it, which would make sense, but I came back to Super Monkey Ball 1 and 2 and found that even on my own I’d have a great time.

 

Super Monkey Ball was original as hell when first released, and critics and the gaming public took to it rather well. It was charmingly colourful, had inventive level design and crucially was easy to get into but notoriously hard to get out of. It’s one of those games that can be defined as 'pick up and play’ but yet it’s so God damn hard to drop - a surprise hit in the Gamecube launch line up. The main game saw the player navigating one of four both charmingly loveable but intensely irritating monkeys in plastic balls (so many questions, I know) through levels and mazes of ever-increasing difficulty. I’m still unsure as to whether AiAi, MeeMee, GonGon and Baby handled at all differently from each other, but it doesn’t matter. The package was well rounded off with 6 mini-games – 3 ready to play from the get-go, and 3 further games unlockable after acquiring enough points. Funnily enough, arguably the mini-games where the most fun to be had lay were the 3 available to the player upon playing the game for the first time. These were Monkey Race, Monkey Target and Monkey Fight. Bloody hell they were good. The other 3, Monkey Billiards, Monkey Golf and Monkey Bowling weren’t quite as good – but they were all of a sufficient quality to be deemed deserving of a place in the sequel. They all do pretty much exactly what they say on the tin – so yes, Monkey Billiards is painstakingly dull at the best of times. A really great game overall though, if a little bare-bones and rough around the edges. But most of my childhood enjoyment was to be found in its successor…

 

The sequel then built on the roster of mini-games by doubling the tally to a tidy 12. On top of the original six you could find Monkey Boat Race, Monkey Dogfight, Monkey Baseball, Monkey Tennis, Monkey Soccer and Monkey Shot. The quality of these games varied wildly. Monkey Tennis, and Soccer were excellent, Dogfight was good, Baseball was decent, Shot was dull, and Boat Race was abysmal. For the sake of relative brevity, I won’t bother explaining the ridiculous inside jokes that came from some of these mini-games – besides, after being explained to you, I’m sure I’d soon realise that what was once funny to a child is now ever so slightly VERY NOT FUNNY to a 17 year old chap. What I can tell you though is that the two funniest moments I can remember from the game stem from the comically bad voice-acting announcer. For example, he was consistently very American in his accent until you get someone caught out in Monkey Baseball. ‘OOOT’ sharply exclaims the announcer, like the heartiest Scottish nationalist in the whole of Scotland. Good times, I promise. It’s not only the multi-player aspect of the game that was the recipient of improvements upon its predecessor though. The single-player mode was cleaned up. “How so?”, you ask. Well…they only went and gave it a motherfucking storyline (oooooh, spellchecker accepts ‘motherfucking’!) as part of the single player mode line-up. The cut-scenes were admittedly quite pretty, but the plot itself was utterly dreadful; cringe worthy, deranged and a little bit scary. Seriously. It all starts off in rather predictable fashion, with the game’s villain Dr Bad-Boon using a giant vacuum to suck up and steal all of the bananas from the poor monkeys’ island. This of course enrages AiAi, MeeMee, Gongon and Baby, who then set out to gain their prized yellow possessions back before Dr Bad-Boon can get up to more evil antics. Before they set off, the 4 monkeys take part in a tribal song and dance that can only have been brought on through their drug-induced stupor. “Magical spell is Ei-Ei-Poo!”.  So far so Sega. What I can’t get my head around is the physics of these balls they’re inside. While playing the game, they’re weighty, difficult to control, and are very much limited in what they can do. Yet in the cutscenes, they can fly off into the air, swim, and hover inside the spheres – demonstrating that they can in fact move on several planes. I of course shouldn’t be ripping into this game for being flawed, because let’s face it; you know that a game about cartoon monkeys with magical powers inside plastic balls, flying, swimming and rolling their way through various obstacles to reclaim their horde of bananas from an evil baboon scientist is going to be ever so slightly unrealistic. What is already some pretty messed up shit only gets worse from here on in though. Dr Bad-Boon offers a compromise – MeeMee’s hand in marriage, for the return of the banana stash. We quickly learn that this villain is quite messed up in the head. He obsessively craves her love and attention, to no avail. Poor guy animal.

 

As a Gamecube exclusive, Super Monkey Ball felt like a first party Nintendo game. When the exclusivity was abandoned, the charm, the critical reception, the fun seemed to ooze out of the series with each and every passing instalment. A couple of changes in visual style, in my opinion, really didn’t work for the series. Sure, the following instalments weren’t bad per sé, but they also weren’t exactly good. The way I see it, Super Monkey Ball 1 and 2 hold the true identity of the series, whereas the rest cloud it. Anyway, instead of writing about the games I didn’t like (Adventure, Banana Blitz, Touch And Roll… etc) I’d rather boot up the ol’ ‘Cube and play some classics! Chow for now!