My Top 10 Albums Of 2011

2011's been a pretty great year for music, it has to be said. Yes, of course I'm ignoring the singles chart. That waterhole was poisoned long ago. I'm tired and I'm feeling slightly more despondent than usual, so here's your obligatory Top 10 albums of the year. Please note, these aren't necessarily the best in my eyes, but are my favourites; the ones I've had the most enjoyment out of. In reverse order...

10. DRC Music - Kinshasa One Two
9. Elbow - Build A Rocket Boys!
8. Gorillaz - The Fall
7. Chickenfoot - III
6. Foo Fighters - Wasting Light
5. Kasabian - Velociraptor!
4. RHCP - I'm With You
3. White Lies - Ritual
2. Radiohead - The King Of Limbs
1. Arctic Monkeys - Suck It And See

There's a reasonable amount of variety on show with these albums, and for me, each and every one of them offered a lot to be enjoyed. The critics may not have taken to them particularly well, especially in the case of White Lies, but fuck the critics...this is my Top 10. I hope you all have a rather spiffing new year, and that 2012 brings a fuckton of persistent happiness. It won't, because we're living in reality; but hey, here's to hoping? It's time for me to run along and be all miserable, so if you don't mind... Ciao.

Merry Christmas (Skyrim-style)

Well, would you look at that! No seriously. Look at it. LOOK, BITCH. It's Christmas Eve (again) and (nearly) everyone's getting excited (again) for Santa Claus to (not) come to their houses and (not) give them some (occasionally) amazing gifts. Thrilling stuff. At this time of year I feel I must do some form of obligatory post or video, for purposes of your seasonal pain entertainment.

"Mr Jenkins - putting the Ben into Ebenezer since 1994"

To be fair, I'm not that much of a Scrooge. I guess I just struggle to get into the festive mood as easily as most people seem to be able to. I do enjoy the occasional Christmas-themed film (especially Elf and The Muppet Christmas Carol), I do enjoy the masses upon masses of delicious food, I do enjoy receiving presents for people, and I do very much enjoy giving gifts to people, believe it or not. The source of my wretched grumblings must originate from my hatred of the extensively stretched build-up to Christmas; starting approximately 2 entire fucking months before the day itself. Bah. But anyway, on with the show and whatnot. 

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim was released earlier this year, to overwhelming praise from fans and critics alike. It's been in contention for pretty much every 'Game Of The Year 2011' contest running, and deservedly so. I myself have not yet purchased the game, but I plan to soon. I plan to do so on the exact same day that I wave goodbye to my A-levels, my hopes of university application, and my future. The likelihood is that come tomorrow morning, afternoon, or evening (whenever the hell it is that you people open your presents), many more people will be wasting their lives away in the blissful world of Skyrim, shouting "fus ro dah" to their hearts' content. What more fitting way to celebrate Christmas then, than to improve one of the planet's most popular festive tunes by use of popular video-game quotage? Okay, okay...so this is a dreadful idea. But please, make my day; make my year...

"All I want for Christmas is FUS RO DAH!!!"

Merry Christmas, all. Make sure you have a bloody good one!
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My Music Moments #1; Rage Against The Machine – Know Your Enemy (ending)

I love music to bits. I like to think my taste is at least reasonably diverse, and there’s several bands of varying (sub)genres that I follow religiously. Naturally, there’s plenty of albums I cherish. What comes with this is individual songs I adore, as you’d expect. These songs will likely contain specific components such as a vocal hook in the chorus or a guitar solo that I become infatuated with too. Sometimes it’s even more specific than that though. Some songs contain tiny moments that ‘get’ to me in some way, for whatever reason. I thought it might be quite cool to maybe just write off-the-cuff blog posts about bits of the music that are close to my heart. Sometimes I just don’t want to talk about a new release… So here’s me attempting to kick-start a new feature as such, under a boring title that’s not quite as boring as it should be because it alliterates. Yeah, bitch. Sometimes I’ll write about an album, sometimes a song…but today it’s a specific moment.

I don’t want to have to narrow this song down to one segment, because I really do think the whole thing is brilliant. Other than the ending…(I just don’t like being pummelled by “ALL OF WHICH ARE AMERICAN DREAMS!!!” repeatedly. Each to their own.) It’s one of my favourite RATM songs all the same, though. Dat bass. Dat riff. Dem rapped vocals. Dat solo. And crucially, in less succinct terms, ‘dat bit towards the end of the song where it sounds like it is ending but then it comes back in like a motherfucking freight train’. Yeah, that bit. To be honest, the entirety of Rage Against The Machine’s eponymous album is fantastic. I’d have no hesitation in placing it in my top 10 albums of all time. I feel more inclined to archive one specific moment from the record though, for whatever reason. But, I don’t know…something about that moment gets me fired up. The riff is plain dirty, and the guitar wails like a alarm siren as if you actually needed to be warned that what you’re listening to is starting to kick even more arse, no matter how brief it is.

“Fight the war, fuck the norm.”

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Writer’s Block

It is rather fitting that I seem to have unwillingly chosen National Novel Writing Month to be the time-frame for my dry spell in terms of blogging. I have ideas…I have the desire…but when it comes to trying to mock up a couple of paragraphs of text, I just can’t do it. I can’t write for shit at the moment. Come to think of it, would I ever write for shit? I’ve no intention of gaining any shit, nor would I say yes if somehow inexplicably a shit asked me to write something for it. ‘Toffee’ would have made more sense in terms of what I can’t write for right now, and to be honest, I’m not exactly desperate for toffee at the moment (IT HAMMERS MY TOOFSES), so the impact of saying that I couldn’t write for toffee right now is greatly diminished. Y’see, this is my problem! What the hell have I been writing for the past few lines? Smile sweetly, nod slowly, humour the Welsh nutcase, and wait for a proper blog post to be written. That’s assuming you’re deluded enough to be vaguely interested in what I might have to say next. People confuse me sometimes. The message I’m trying to convey is that I can’t see myself touching this blog for a fair while, because I find myself totally out of the mindset for it. Of course, if Sod’s law has its way, I’ll be writing up a new proper post as you read this very sentence…

Turrah.

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Ryvita…the back-story

Whole-grain? NO. Rock’N’Roll-grain.

In the beginning, God created heaven and earth. And the earth had no form. It was empty, covered with darkness and water. Then the spirit of God hovered over the water, and God said “Let there be light!”, and there was light. God saw that the light was good. Let us skip the next few days…for the bit that your Bibles probably missed out was the glorious creation of Ryvita. On the 7th day, upon waking up prematurely from what can only be described as a rest of holy proportions, God saw that the world was missing something. There was a distinct lack of healthy wholegrain crisp-breads on the market… And so God declared “Let there be Ryvita!” (the brand name of course loosely deriving from the superlative ‘riveting’), and there was Ryvita. Yet it was not good; it was bad. For in the world already existed cardboard, so Ryvita had no purpose… For years the earth was shrouded in a cloud of misery. The mystery surrounding Ryvita’s existence dumbfounded all but the tiniest of creatures, and even they had a hunch that something was amiss. After witnessing his creation fail, God had found himself in a world of pain. He battled with wave after wave of chronic depression, and removed the powers of creation from his very bosom. The world would never be the same, and boy, did the world know it… That was until some absolute genius decided to place a small slither of cheese with a thin layer of butter on top of the dry Ryvita base! The result was simply divine. The earth and its inhabitants now had a purpose – something to live for. God recovered, thankfully never having to resort to electro-convulsive therapy, and was immensely proud of the perfection that surrounded all that lived. Ryvita was the saviour…and God saw that it was good.

Since then, we’ve never looked back. Ryvita has become a worldwide phenomenon; adored by the masses. Here are some facts that you DEFINITELY already know about Ryvita, but may like to have refreshed in your mind regardless:

1. Ryvita is the only word in the universe, spanning all lexica, that can take the form of a noun, verb, adjective and adverb simultaneously.
2. Julius Caesar’s favourite meal consisted of roast peacock, grapes and Ryvita.
3. Crushing a Ryvita is an offence punishable by death in over 20 of the world’s countries.
4. The Millennium Falcon was powered by a powerful concoction of char-grilled Ryvita and Wookie hair.
5. All of The Beatles’ songs were written by Lord Ryvita, a mythical being to represent the Ryvita population. All but ‘Yellow Submarine’, that is. His omnipotence would never lend his name to such an irritating song.
6. Ryvita killed the dinosaurs. Allergic reactions can be a royal bugger…
7. Ryvita is better than sliced bread.
8. ‘Ryvita’ is believed to be ancient Japanese slang for ‘All bow down to our master’.
9. Successfully eating Ryvita with chopsticks immediately grants a person with 1,000 life points.
10. Facebook was invented by Lord Ryvita after he found himself bored of laughing at and admiring his own life stories.
11. Freddie Mercury’s middle name was ‘Ryvita’.
12. Lord Ryvita only drinks Jack Daniels, nothing more. Through a curly straw.
13. The act of sex is seen as a way of paying tribute to Ryvita in most Eastern cultures.
14. Dipped in a mug of hot chocolate, it is said that Ryvita will grow arms and legs.

The legend is plain and clear to see. Never has a single foodstuff been cooler. Not even Jay-Z’s coxal bone is as hip as this. I suggest you go do the right thing and buy yourself some Ryvita now…

Thank you.

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Career Prospects

Looming ahead of me is the daunting figure of university application. This just all seems too soon. I’ve only (inadequately) completed one of two years of college and I don’t really have a very good grasp of what I want to be doing in the future; not what course I want to be applying for at uni, and certainly not where I want to be taking it. There’s really not much time left for me at all to decide. So what do I do? I ask around, in search of advice. There’s a lot of help out there. If there’s one thing that’s absolutely clear, it’s that I should make sure to do something I enjoy and am interested in in the future. If there’s one thing that’s even more absolutely and painfully clear, it’s that anything I could consider myself having an interest in or a genuine desire to take up in the future, is (un)comfortably out of my reach due to lacking qualifications thanks to errors in my A-Level choices. Bit of a bugger, really. Then again, the careers I’d love to see myself in, several years down the line, are rather optimistic to say the least. They’re pipe dreams – and I’m not saying that I want to become a plumber. Har-de-fucking-har. I’m pretty pathetic to be honest. I’ve currently set myself up for a career in psychology in some way. This is fine; in fact it’s more than fine, but it’s not perfect. I do quite like psychology and I do find it interesting and engaging to at least some degree. And that’s exactly the point - ‘to at least some degree’. All I know I’m doing right now is misguidedly aiming my bow and arrow of career choice towards the general direction of psychology and hoping that I hit a random course at a random university in a random location in the country. It’s hardly going to be a bull’s-eye. At this rate it literally will just be ‘some degree’. Are my other options at all feasible though? Well to put it bluntly, no… It’s a bloody mixed bag though. Let’s take a look at what my silly little mind is thinking then, listed in order of feasibility:

1. Sports/entertainment journalist. This one’s the one that bugs me like a…bug. Bugs don’t particularly bug me though – in fact I actually quite like bugs… Fuck you, Ben. Anyway. This option seemed kind of obvious to me for a while, because I seem to get a lot of enjoyment from writing; hence this very (shitty) blog. I opted against taking either one of the English subjects at AS and A2 level though, so I wouldn’t have any ground to stand on if I ever wanted to change my mind and just go for it. Perhaps things like sport and entertainment, and even writing are best kept as hobbies for me anyway.
2. Comedy writer/actor. This one sounds silly, and it most likely is, but one of if not the biggest passion in my life right now is comedy. I fucking love comedy. I’ve got ongoing ideas for a sketch show in the pipeline, which is a joke but at the same time…I really would love to do it. It’d be incredibly speculative to even bother attempting going down this route, but I guess it’s nice to have the scripts and sketch ideas there as a bit of fun. People always used to think I should go down the route of comedy in some way, shape or form (most people suggested stand-up, but there’s no way you’ll ever catch me doing that. I’d cack myself silly) but to be honest, it’s not a realistic option. The fact that 'I have this down as my second most feasible potential path says just about everything you need to know about how limited my true options are.
3. Lawyer. Thinking about this bores me. What a snoozefest…the money is of course a massive incentive, but after learning about law for over a year now, I can’t say I’m particularly enthused. It costs a fucking bomb, too.
4. Band member. And so the absolute non-credible careers come into play. I’ve always wanted to be in a band, but I don’t play a musical instrument… My twattish perfectionist self has always given up before I’ve even had a chance to learn a single note when learning to play an instrument. Apparently I can sing, though this is entirely questionable. My voice has changed a little since doing The Magic Flute when I was 10… I do have a light plan in place with a few mates to set up a band as a mere hobby – though there is one problem. The drummer would be a drummer, the guitarist would be a guitarist, and the bassist would be a bassist…if I were to be the vocalist…well, I’m not a fucking vocalist. The only thing I can offer (in the same way that a small untrained puppy offers plentiful and well-spread shit and piss to everywhere other than where they should be making a mess) is my appalling song-writing skills. I’m best left listening to music; not making it.
5. Inventor. I always loved the idea of inventing crazy things when I was younger. So what do I have to my name so far? Shit all. My desire has recently been fuelled by an interesting idea I recently came up with in cahoots with a friend…what would that be? That would be telling, that’s what it’d be.
6. Footballer. I like football and stuff. Blah. Can I kick it? No, funnily enough, I can’t.

So yeah, Ben Jenkins is going down the road of psychology. “Fascinating stuff, isn’t it?” he said deeply sarcastically, with the expression of a dull-faced boulder. Ideally, I’d like to become a professional procrastinator, but I think I’d leave it too late… Mindfuck. The thing is though, I don’t find myself caring about what I do in the future – I’m pretty much forcing myself to write this blog post in the vain hope that I undergo some form of mental transformation. I guess the only thing that worries me is that after bearing such high expectations from my parents for my entire life, I can’t hide from the fact that now it’s getting into the real world, I’m going to be a disappointment. Cheery times, chow for now!

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Music Mash-ups

Years ago, when I was a younger and slightly more enthusiastic version of myself, I used to love trying to overlap 2 different songs to make one super duper mega uber-amazing song. To do this, I would need two devices to play music so that they could be heard at the same time, and that’s all. Of course, it never ever worked. The outcome was a pile of dogwank each and every time we (me and whoever the hell I forced to do this with me at the given time) tried it. Pretty disappointing. I still haven’t got a bloody clue as to how to do this myself if I ever did want to (which I still do), but luckily, several people through the wonder of teh internets clearly know their stuff. ‘Mash-ups’, as they are now commonly referred to, rather than ‘playing two songs at the same time and seeing what happens’ (the name I hurriedly christened the activity as), are all over the internet. Most of them are tripe, but there’s a fair few that work brilliantly; sometimes for comedic effect, and sometimes just…musically it all pieces together rather sweetly. There’s not much I can really say about each song that you wouldn’t otherwise gather from listening to the bloody things, so I’m not going to say anything about them at all. All I will say is that with me being a SLIGHT (to be fair, it is less of an obsession than it has once been) Muse fan, the range of songs on offer may be weighted towards one band/artist in particular. No prizes for guessing who that may be. Anyhoo, without further ado…BRING ON THE MASH-UPS!!!

I apologise for the length of the post, which is nearly solely due to the rather unappealing straight list of YouTube videos. For some reason Windows Live Writer was giving me a massive amount of grief when attempting to line ‘em up in rows. So yeah, I gave up. Sorry. I implore you to listen to/watch them all though! I’ve saved the best ‘til last…

Kasabian - ‘Velociraptor!’ Review

Is this a roaring success or more like a…(brace yourself)…velociCRAPtor than anything else?

There’s no doubt that after 2009’s immensely successful mouthful of an album ‘West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum’, Kasabian find themselves sitting comfortably in the top drawer of modern British rock music. On fire, if you will. Over 1 million copies sold worldwide tells the story. No Oasis comparison can take that away from them. Admittedly, there’s not too much in the way of competition for this particular perch, but nonetheless they’ve made the big time; in my opinion sitting next to Muse and Arctic Monkeys as the best/biggest 3 bands our little island has to offer the world. Not too shabby, eh? With ‘Velociraptor!’ (yes, they have indeed punctuated the album title with an exclamation mark – it really is that exciting), Sergio Pizzorno claims to have written rock music’s first true classic record in 16 or so years. An outrageous claim it certainly is; one that you’d be more inclined to think had come from the gob of a Gallagher. Musically though, they’re a continuation of the lad rock style. Kasabian are more adventurous and eclectic and tone down the downsides of Oasis. Tom Meighan, the lead singer, for example, is only a bit of a twat, whereas both of the Gallagher brothers are massive twats. Pizzorno also proudly boasted the Leicester based band’s 4th effort to be a ‘jukebox’ album; one where every song is a true hit. He famously reported that the songwriting process for ‘Velociraptor!’ was quicker than that of any they’ve experienced before, and he put this mostly down to some form of divine/spiritual intervention. Fair play… Kasabian have a lot to live up to, yet also a lot of room to grow into. This prehistoric beast can roar the roar, but can ‘Velociraptor!’ walk the walk?
 
After the opening track, I still don’t have enough evidence as to whether or not their walking skills are up to scratch, but one thing’s for sure, Kasabian can swagger. Can they Swagger Jagger though? I hope not. Let’s Roll Just Like We Used To kicks the album off with a gong (something which is sorely underused in music in general right now), and flows with a flamenco feel. There’s a tinge of The Last Shadow Puppets to this one. It’s a pretty neat song, and while it’s nothing like the in-your-face Club Foot or the punchy Underdog or even the stompy Empire, for that matter, it’s a fine way to begin the trip. MORE GONGS, PLEASE. 7/10


Second on the tracklist is the lead single, Days Are Forgotten. The riff is dirty, the beat is flirty, and the vocals are…running out of words to rhyme, it seems. Nah, the vocals are mostly pretty good on this song, but like the rest the album, it can sound a bit droning and one-dimensional at times. Every component of this song comes together to form a good, solid single, but in truth it’s just not anywhere near as memorable as Fire was from the previous record. It seems that every human on the Earth liked that song, and with good reason. There’s a fair chance that this single will soon be forgotten along with days mentioned in the song’s almost powerful chorus (in terms of sustained chart impact), though it would be a harsh outcome. The best thing about this song, and indeed the album on the whole is the production work from Dan the Automator. He makes this song badass, to put it bluntly, and it’s got an atmosphere to it that I find exceedingly difficult to describe. It’s oddly moreish once you begin to notice the subtleties to the mixing, especially the steadily but dramatically stepping up background pitch in the build-up to the chorus. It’s a really effective tool and it means that as a listener, you know exactly when the chorus is coming in, and crucially; when you can sing along again. Great, but not as good as what we’ve come to expect from Kasabian. 8/10


What have we here? It’s Goodbye Kiss, and it’s a bit of a ballad; perhaps even the first proper ballad we’ve heard from the band. A traditional sounding tune, that’s not quite perfectly suited to Tom Meighan’s brash, wavering voice. It’s actually really pleasant though, and Sergio Pizzorno’s backing vocals continue to compliment the vocals at the forefront. It’s a mature ballad from a band clearly trying to ease themselves away from the lads’ rock label that they’d stuck to themselves earlier in their career. I might have to question the placement of this track, as it may have benefited from closing the album in 11th position, but in the slot it’s been allotted it enables ‘Velociraptor!’ to smoothly impress. A real grower, and perhaps an early standout. Always a fan of the strings, too. Nostalgic. 8/10


Remember a band called The Beatles? Do you? No? Oh, never mind. La Feé Verte starts with a chilling, eerie breeze, before plodding in and making no effort to hide its influences by referencing Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds within its first few seconds of lyrics. The subject matter is bizarre throughout, but the song itself is unfortunately rather pedestrian. Serge decides to take the lead on this song, vocally, and I’d probably agree with the fact that it suits his frail voice better than it does Meighan’s, whose voice you can also hear during this fourth track at select moments. When I first heard this track, it was actually one of my favourites from the album but this opinion didn’t last for very long. The more you listen to this song, the more unremarkable it gets, and the more tempted you are to oblige with Pizzorno’s pleas and send him ‘down the river’. It’s a bit of a shame really, because the instrumental intro and outro are both tantalisingly dark, yet it never fully translates into the main song. 6/10


Velociraptor!, the title track is up next, and it doesn’t let up. It’s silly; very silly, satisfyingly so - with some more absurd vocals and the introduction of grimier guitars to boot. This is the most Kasabian-esque Kasabian have sounded so far on the album, and it’s a super-fun little song while it lasts. The tinny drum fills are a little bit cheap, but on the other hand, they lend themselves to the hectic style of the song perfectly. They actually sound quite crisp and clean. One thing’s for sure, plenty of people will be singing and punching along to this song when it’s performed live at next year’s festivals and on tour. It’s a relief to be reassured that Kasabian haven’t lost all of their loutish appeal, and so it’s good news to find this out relatively early on in the album. 8/10


Clang. It’s Acid Turkish Bath (Shelter From The Storm), a song that’s got to be right up there with the very worst titles of all time. What the hell were they thinking? After only a small amount of aforementioned ‘clang’ we are greeted with some epic strings, and a just as epic drum beat. Barely 30 seconds in, this sounds very promising indeed. It doesn’t quite go the way you expect it to, swinging in with continental flair and Sergio Pizzorno back on lead vocals again. A little bit like Take Aim from West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum, without the awesomely bombastic chorus. It continues the trend of being a little bit psychedelic, and it incorporates a tiny bit of everything; electronic buzz, dramatic middle-Eastern strings, clapping, plentiful percussion and some more of that flamenco flavouring we tasted in Let’s Roll Just Like We Used To. It’s a tad disjointed when it comes to the awkwardly weak handclapping coda in which they unconvincingly tell us they’ve “got to break down the walls”, but the brief yet brilliant instrumental sections where the Lawrence of Arabia strings combine with the thumping beat ensure that the song doesn’t slip into mediocrity. 7/10


I really, really like this song’s scampering, electronica base. I don’t mean bass as in bass guitar, I mean base as in the base of a cake – the foundation of the song. Mmm, cake. I Hear Voices isn’t anything special, but it’s a bit of a surprise hit. By this I don’t mean that it’s unsuspectingly suitable to be a radio single, no no, but it’s perhaps the least talked about track from the album from the research I’ve gathered from the interwebs. I’m really glad that Kasabian haven’t left their electronic roots behind, because it adds an invaluable extra layer to their sound that many bands simply don’t have. I feel as though it needs to be said again though, because I Hear Voices just doesn’t do much at all for me, and I think I know why. Tom Meighan just doesn’t fit totally the bill, and nearly ruins a potentially better song. He’s not versatile enough to give the song the swerving ‘80s groove that it so clearly requires. It finishes rather swiftly too, and I dare say I’d be calling it obvious filler had there not been such a cool, retro sounding element present. I’m a bit of a sucker for small things like that really… *insert penis joke here* As it stands though, I do enjoy this song a lot. 7/10


Re-wired is cool. It’s damn cool. Really damn cool. If I were in the business of making predictions, which I’m not by the way, I’d say that this is the most likely contender to be the second single from ‘Velociraptor!’. Like the title track, it sounds like classic Kasabian and knowing that, it’s just as bold and brash as you’d expect it to be. It’s a tiny bit ‘70s disco, with the swirling synths and the funky bass – it just oozes confidence and control, because it’s an assured delivery of a concept that could have been well overdone. I also swear that you can actually hear the guitar coughing a couple of times during this track, but maybe I’m wrong. This is certainly one of the highlights of the album. 8/10


Man Of Simple Pleasures. Oasis. Yawn. 5/10


Next up is the first song the world was able to listen to from ‘Velociraptor!’. It wasn’t a single, but was offered as a free download to anybody who pre-ordered the album from Kasabian’s official website. Thanks, guys. For me, Switchblade Smiles is grossly ambiguous. It’s a patchwork, a mishmash, a mixing pot, a pile, a heap, a randomly assembled congregation of ideas and noises that can be taken one of two ways. I’m still not so sure as to how I should interpret it. The introduction is wobbly, but once it finds its feet it’s got a real ace up its sleeve. The grumbling, moaning electronic meat of the song is paired up with some surreal animal-instinct wailing, and then whammy, off we go, the drums kick in. This drum beat is fucking sick, there’s no two ways about it. You can forget about structure though, because Switchblade ‘Scaffolding’ this is not. It’s Switchblade Smiles, and it’s all about having a hell of a lot of fun with a rough around the edges experimental romp. My dilemma of interpretation comes in the form of this: is it an ear-raping mess that a group of musically questionable teenagers could have written, entered into a talent contest, failed to win with, but would have been misguidedly immensely proud of? Or is it in fact an abstract work of genius, stripping away the complexities of music and focusing on what makes Kasabian’s target audience tick? I just don’t know… 7/10


Here we are. The end. Neon Noon will drag you through space by the neck of an acoustic guitar. Yet again Serge sings lead, and yet again it’s probably a good decision. Neither Serge nor Tom are great vocalists by any stretch of the imagination, but for Kasabian in truth it’s all about the styles and the tone of voice they come out with, rather than their melodic proficiency. As it so happens, this one’s very good on a melodic level though. What initially comes across as nifty but nothing more becomes a relaxing ride, reflecting on the eclectic and at times mental journey you’ve found yourself being dragged on. I really can’t get enough of this song. This is electro-pop-rock at its finest, and it does a fantastic job of closing the record. This is probably the first time Kasabian have ‘done’ loveliness, and it works wonders. The parping synths are brilliantly effective. They saved the best ‘til last, the cheeky buggers. 9/10

Serge looking cool. Tom looking...like Tom.

Is this Kasabian’s best record to date? Probably not, no. It lacks a big, hard hitting tune or two for the radio and commercial world to remember, but to counter this it seems to be a little more consistent than their previous efforts. Stylistically it’s not so different from West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum. Then again, it also bears similarities to Empire and their eponymous debut album. Fundamentally though, this is a step forward, away from what the public may have expected from the Leicester lot. By no means is this radical, though. The sounds that play with your ears are by and large very familiar, but they’re often just used in new, different ways in conjunction with brand new styles. It’s a varied collection of songs, and this will hopefully keep it fresh and listenable for a good long while. The third album was frequently thought of as an old-school movie soundtrack of sorts. This fourth album is is more like a drug-infused tour of the globe.  It’s soft, it’s hard, it’s light, it’s dark – it’s ‘Velociraptor'!’, and though it’s far from the stone cold classic that Sergio Pizzorno foolishly indicated it would be, it’s an enjoyable album from start to finish that’s worthy of your time and money.

7/10

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Welsh Mining Tragedy

What happened at the Gleision Colliery in the south of Wales is a stark reminder of how horribly unpredictable the world can be. A large death toll isn’t necessary to shock the nation; one fatality is always too many. It certainly isn’t necessary to shock and distress the families of those lost beyond belief. What they’re going through must be utterly unbearable, and my thoughts and prayers are with them. I feel almost guilty for commenting on this and seemingly ignoring so many incidents that have occurred all around the world since I started writing this blog, but the truth is that I don’t particularly want to find myself writing about such depressing stories; be it close to home or thousands of miles away. It just so happens though that this time, it’s very close to an old home of mine – with my father himself being from the Swansea area of Wales, near where this tragic incident took place. I’ve only lived in Wales for a couple of years of my life after being born there, but since then I’ve travelled down on numerous (countless) occasions over the years with my parents and my older brother to visit friends and family. What I’m trying to say is that when an event of this nature happens in or around a place you’re familiar with, you can’t help but think about it for longer and harder than you may have done otherwise. It nearly literally hits home. So please, don’t give me a good telling off for isolating one tragedy among many to care about, because that’s not really the case. Mining is of course deep rooted in the history of the nation and it goes without saying that this kind of accident just shouldn’t be happening. I won’t explain any details of exactly what happened in South Wales to lead to the loss of 4 healthy lives, because there’s nothing I can say that respectable news publications and corporations haven’t already said. If you’re interested, check out the article link at the end of this post. At the Ospreys and Llanelli Scarlets rugby matches this afternoon, respects will be paid in the form of armbands, and a minute’s silence will be held at the Liberty Stadium for Swansea City’s game against West Brom in the Premier League. Tributes in memory of the 4 miners who so tragically lost their lives can surely be found scattered all around Wales and the rest of the United Kingdom. I’m aware of the fact that I’ve described this as tragic so many times, but…that’s exactly what it is. Rest assured, these men won’t be forgotten, and we won’t let it happen again.

Charles Breslin, David Powell, Garry Jenkins and Phillip Hill

RIP

BBC News Article

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Coldplay - ‘Paradise’ Review

Coldplay are undoubtedly a massive band. Success has travelled with them throughout their entire career, with the release of every album and single. They could probably already whack out a pretty solid greatest hits CD, but thankfully they’re still going strong. In recent years, the hate for Coldplay has grown and grown – with haters calling them overly commercial, samey, boring, pretentious, tame and many other things of a slightly ruder nature. Sure, I can understand the points to an extent, but I can’t find myself agreeing.

The first single (Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall) from their upcoming album, titled Mylo Xyloto (don’t worry, you’re allowed to be perplexed by this), was released back in June of this year, along with a couple of B-sides. I personally didn’t get along with the song at all. It was too upbeat, leant too heavily towards the mainstream, and felt a little forced coming from Chris Martin and co. The B-sides were pretty nice though. Admittedly, it would have been perfectly fine coming from another artist. In this opinion though, I must be a very lonely soul; the song charted in the UK at a very respectable number 6. What’s that? “How did it perform in South Korea?”, you ask? Number 1, my friend. Fair enough.


This next single, Paradise, is Mylo Xyloto’s true lead single; arriving approximately a month before the full record touches down. It debuted on BBC Radio 1 this morning, and is now up for download. The main question being asked by Coldplay fans is whether it will continue the trend set by Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall. In essence, it does. The overall feel is brighter than anything Coldplay have released from their previous albums, and as iffy as I am with this shift in direction, it is a good thing. Adapting and experimenting with styles and sounds is absolutely essential if a band is ever going to be thrust up into the upper echelons of music history – an area that, given time, Coldplay could possibly conceivably reach. What’s good about Paradise is that it doesn’t feel awkward. It’s clear that the band is trying to modernise, and in that respect this single has certainly succeeded where Every Teardrop failed. It manages to incorporate elements of Coldplay’s classic sound, whilst also pushing forth a much more colourful overall feel thanks to the use of light, fuzzy synths and a rather jolly chorus. This song is in no way special, I must say now – but there’s a lot to like about it. There’s a chilled-out vibe to it, with a fairly gorgeous little instrumental introduction. The verses are really nice too, if you can get past the clichéd lyrics that most people have come to expect from Chris Martin. Thankfully, his vocal performance is stellar here. Conversely, it all comes across tasting a little bit cheesy and come the end of the song, you may already be slightly sick of the chorus. The repeated “para-para-paradise” is all well and good, but the chanting that may now have been copyrighted by Coldplay that follows is unwelcome in my eyes. Not to worry, I can live with that; I’m quite partial to a slice of cheese now and then. I don’t like to say it, especially about a band that I personally favour, but it’s delving into the dangerous territory of accidental self-parody. The same can be said about the bland guitar playing towards the end of the song and the twee piano outro.

Paradise is a solid song, and I’m sure will get its fair share of radio airplay. The accessible hook that it carries essentially means it’s perfect single material. Far from perfect, but good all the same. I just can’t help but feel as though in trying to brighten themselves up and apply some heat to the current UK music scene, they’ll overdo it, melt, descend into mediocrity and become Lukewarmplay. I stand by my view that Coldplay are best used in situations where your mood’s a bit low.

6.5/10

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Dirty Dog Viral Video...

It's incredible how one video can blow up in popularity within a matter of moments. Sometimes it's through pure good humour, and other times it's through controversy. Most of the time, you'll find a video being passed around like a hot potato due to a certain Ray William Johnson though - probably the most influential YouTuber there is. The original video which I have slightly edited was indeed featured on his '=3' show. I hope you enjoy this more than the cat does...

Not once has the 'WTF cat' failed to make me laugh. As for why the dog is raping the poor kitty? I...just... I don't know. Chow for now!

Red Hot Chili Peppers - 'This Is The Place' / 'Annie Wants A Baby' Comparison

Howdy. The point I make in this video is divulged upon so thinly it was barely worth me saying it in the first place. I do feel that the comparison had to be made in some way or another though, so hey, I may as well get some use out of my webcam that's only marginally less shite than the crappy built in one. Bah. I'm also very conscious of the fact that I say 'anyway' several times, and thus it shall be something I attempt to cut down on in the future. Bands that are particularly good at recycling their material and ensuring they don't do much to move their overall sound forward in my eyes, by the way, are Kaiser Chiefs, Scouting For Girls, and The Feeling... That's just the tip of the iceberg really. Anyhoo, chow for now peeps.

Things I’ve Thunk: Inc. Red Hot Chili Peppers

• My face bloody canes right now. Some spots, some acne. Actually…what is the difference? Who knows? Plenty of people, most likely.
• I must have played through I’m With You, the new Red Hot Chili Peppers record well over 20 times now. As good as it is (I gave it a 7 out of 10 in my review earlier in the week, back in August) I am getting increasingly sick of each and every song on the album.
• Muse really were absolutely incredible at Reading festival – watching the highlights has made me once again re-realise this, as if I’d actually forgotten in the first place. I hadn’t, by the way.
• Shaun Wright-Phillips is apparently most desirable in the eyes of mega rich owners. Signed by Chelsea, Manchester City, and Queens Park Rangers… Peculiar really, ‘cause without his pace (which with age is now dwindling) I reckon he’d be quite shite. Hehe, that rhymes.

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Red Hot Chili Peppers – “I’m With You” Review

As a massive Red Hot Chili Peppers fan, I cannot guarantee that this LP will be reviewed in a totally impartial way. This doesn’t mean that my judgement of it will be biased per sé. Well, it does, but bias is inevitable and unavoidable. What I mean to say is that I shall come to my conclusions in a fair and valid way – it’s just that my opinions on various songs, be it on “I’m With You” or other songs from the Chilis’ back catalogue may be referred to in a less formal manner. I think I know what I’m trying to say here, so just pretend that you do too and everything will be fine.

By the way, is this a good time boys, or has their fortune faded?

So here we are. This has been 5 and a half years in the making now, which makes it all the more surprising that the hype and speculation surrounding the release of this album has been lukewarm at best for the Californian punk-funk rockers. Perhaps there’s an undercurrent of apprehension present, due to band members’ rapidly increasing ages. Bar one member, that is. And perhaps it is he who bears most of the reason for the lacking public anticipation. More accurately, it is he whose shoes he is filling in the band who could be the cause for mild concern over this latest RHCP album rather than the other members’ quickly advancing years. 2 years ago, in 2009, guitarist John Frusciante left the band for the second time. Over the years he’s arguably been the band’s most integral influence – in song-writing and performing. Frusciante’s replacement comes in the form of Josh Klinghoffer; a man whose playing style may be different and whose relative youth may seem worrying. However, he’s a very familiar figure with the Chilis, having teamed up with them for the Stadium Arcadium Tour, and he’s more experienced than many may have thought; his projects ranging from working with PJ Harvey to Beck, to Gnarls Barkley and even his predecessor John Frusciante’s prolific solo career.Up until now the Red Hot Chili Peppers have stood the test of time very well indeed. Their debut came way back in 1984, but now, 27 years forward in 2011, do they still have what it takes to stay sounding fresh and musically relevant, or should the funky monks retire and head back to the monastery for comfort and shelter?

The album opens in fine spirits with the upbeat, grooving, marching, Monarchy Of Roses. It begins with a watery-distorted vocal verse, which is almost Warped-esque; and you’d expect it to go pretty heavy from here on in. Does that happen? Nope. Bam, in comes the swirling disco funk. Just when you’ve got into the groove, out it goes and back in comes the stompy, distorted verse. You know what’s about to come next. Bam, in comes the swirling disco funk for round two. The guitar work towards the end of the track is pretty encouraging, when you re-realise that Frusciante is absent. In fact, here it sounds almost Dave Navarro/One Hot Minute-esque. The backing vocals are ever so average though, and so the longing for Frusciante’s return nearly creeps upon us within the first 5 minutes of this record. Luckily though, it likely won’t, ‘cause Monarchy Of Roses is excellent. It’s one of the best songs on the album, and a perfect way to set the ball rolling. The Red Hot Chili Peppers are back. 8/10

Do you find yourself wondering how good the bass is on I’m With You? Do you? Your answer is found in Factory Of Faith, so go go go, listen to it! NOW! Come back to this point of the review when you’re done. You don’t need to, by the way. This track opens with a cheeky little jumpy-bass riff, and it never looks back. The drum beat is simple as hell, but it allows the bass to come to the forefront, with Anthony Kiedis singing and rapping along to make this little ditty Typhoid-level infectious. To close the song is a neat little mechanical guitar solo, which is perhaps some of the most subtly effective guitar playing on the album. Thankfully it (the song itself) doesn’t overstay its welcome, therefore ensuring that you’ll come back to this track several more times for another fix. 7/10

Quality-wise, I’m With You doesn’t hold back at all with its opening few tracks. Brendan’s Death Song received much coverage prior to the album’s release, without the general public being able to even listen to the song. Q Magazine, in an preview of I’m With You, described it as the best new song from the Chili Peppers. I can see why. It’s an ode to Brendan Mullen, the founder of a small punk-rock club in the ‘80s – who later died in 2009 after suffering a stroke. It seems that when Anthony Kiedis can find something of emotional importance to attach to one of his songs, he becomes a totally different lyricist. By this I mean he becomes a half-decent lyricist at the very least. After the funkiness of the two tracks prior to Brendan’s Death Song, it’s actually quite refreshing to have a song that toys with themes of life and death; and this refreshment is only heightened by the fact that this song is probably the best to be found on the whole of I’m With You. Kiedis sings it with feeling, without going overboard, Chad Smith’s drumming is measured to begin with, before becoming more active after the halfway mark. Klinghoffer plays his part fine as well… I love the way the song in essence never changes too much – the build-up is exceptional, hitting a frantic peak and then softly floating back down to Earth. “Like I said, you know I’m almost dead, you know I’m almost gone” are the repeatedly chanted words from Kiedis. Brendan’s Death Song is an out of body experience for the Chili Peppers. A beautiful one, at that. 9/10

Ethiopa’s up next, a track clearly influenced by the band’s trip out to Africa – funded by none other than Damon Albarn of Blur and Gorillaz fame. “We’re rolling everybody. It starts with bass” points out Flea, to kick the track off. Mmm, we love a bit of the bass. It’s said to be Chad Smith’s favourite song from the album, due to its unrivalled ability to make him smile. Smiling is a good thing by the way, and Ethiopa certainly does have the ability to raise a hearty smile on the face of the listener. It’s a great little feel-good track for both the listener and the members of the band themselves – despite being “lost in Ethiopia”, Kiedis and co are clearly having a good time. Unfortunately, this song is one of a few where the guitar parts are utterly unremarkable. It isn’t bad on the whole, but yet another low-skill solo feels cheap and makes me want to wail like a small child who’s desperate to have his own way. ‘His own way’, is the return of John Frusciante. Nevertheless, yet again this is some great music. 7/10 

Some may mistakenly feel as though they’re listening to something from the By The Way sessions with this next song. Unfortunately, it’s more akin to a B-side from their hit 2001 album than anything else. I’m With You seems to seriously lack a big-hitter; a song that jumps out and sticks in the memory in the same way as Can’t Stop, for example. Annie Wants A Baby doesn’t change that. As perfectly pleasant and musically sound as this song is, it doesn’t really do anything. I like it, sure, but that’s not really the point. Yet again the lyrics are absolute tripe too. As for the guitar solo, if you dare class it as one? Klinghoffer lacks the passion, skill and enthusiasm of Frusciante. Snoozefest. 5/10

The volume, the pace and the bass picks up again with Look Around. It’s quite reminiscent of Californication’s Purple Stain and Stadium Arcadium’s 21st Century. Sound good to you? Be careful. The familiarity of this song may be its downfall. Again, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with this track, but I can’t help but feel as though I’d be more impressed had I not been feeling any shades of déjà vu. I guess I just expect better from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. At times, especially towards the end, it begins to feel like self-parody. For a band that’s never taken themselves too seriously, this isn’t such a bad thing – but it’s a bad thing nonetheless. For all its energy, Look Around is actually quite dull. Another song that sounds more like a B-side; this time probably from Stadium Arcadium. 5/10

Ah yes, the lead single; The Adventures Of Raindance Maggie. Chances are you’ve heard this song several times by now. Given shed-loads of radio airplay despite barely even scratching the surface of the charts worldwide, its sales performance has been hugely disappointing. This may be down to the fact that it leaked several days early, or simply due to a lack of promotion and advertising. Who knows? I’ll be one of the first people to admit that this song isn’t exactly what the fans were hoping for in a comeback single from one of the biggest bands in the world, but I don’t want to criticise it. I can’t criticise it, you see. Why’s that? I guess I just really like the song… No, it’s not just that I like the song a lot; I genuinely do believe it’s a great song, and to be honest I am surprised that it didn’t do as well as expected. It’s one of the catchiest tunes the Chilis have ever produced, right the way through from the solid bass to the boppity beat, to the motherfucking cowbell. Lyrically it’s par for the course really - “Tugboat Sheila is into memorabilia” pretty much tells you all you need to know about not just Raindance Maggie, but the entirety of the album. There's a mini guitar solo too, but in essence it adds nothing to the song - if anything it takes away, drenching the song in noise. As far as rock music goes, this is about as tame as they come, but anybody hoping for anything particularly heavy or X-rated was clearly looking at the wrong end of the band’s career. “Cock-blocking isn’t allowed” is as rude as it gets, my dear. Great, immediate, solid single. The official video for the song is pretty cool too. 8/10

Tasked with firmly getting I’m With You back on track is Did I Let You Know (This I Know). Me being the massive pedant I am, it strikes me that a little question mark would have done a hell of a lot of good for the song title, but I shall move on. The feel-good atmosphere flows all the way back, in a similar way in which Ethiopia does a few tracks earlier. It seems that the African vibe suits the new look Red Hot Chili Peppers more so than attempting to hark back to their style of old. Flea brings out his trumpet for a brief but brilliant solo, and the tribal percussion used throughout the song really is rather fantastic. There’s one thing I’m curious about on this song, and that’s the backing vocals during the chorus. I can’t for the life of me figure out who it is singing it…I’ve assumed it’s Klinghoffer, but it sounds more like there may be a hidden female member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers somewhere. Part of me is very tempted to give this track top marks for rhyming ‘cheeky’ with ‘Mozambiquey’ but I’ll try to stay at least moderately sensible for the remainder of this review. 8/10

Oh dear. Just when we thought I’m With You was back on track, and slotting into a nice little groove, the pace, volume and bass picks up one more time to do its very best to flood the album with predictable mediocrity. In truth, Goodbye Hooray’s chorus is just plain bad. In partnership with Look Around, there’s a decent slice of self-parody to be found on the record. I’m hoping it was deliberate, but we all know it’s not. Again, you’d be well inclined to expect this song to have been a B-side, but it’s somehow crept its way onto the final cut. There’s really not very much to say about this track. Its one redeeming moment is found in a quick breakdown, which is tranquil and chilled-out enough to just about give me the required strength to tolerate one final run-through of the chorus. Blergh. 5/10

Time for a frolic. Happiness Loves Company is probably the brightest, happiest song I’ve ever heard the Red Hot Chili Peppers dare to record. It bounces along with primary colour promise. This is all well and good the first couple of times you hear it, but I challenge you to listen to it more than 5 times and not find yourself either cringing or simply reaching for the skip button. The story’s getting a little bit samey now, because no, this song isn’t bad. It’s all musically good, but it’s absolutely 100% nothing special. I honestly thought Happiness Loves Company was going to go a little bit ragtime on my arse, but (probably) thankfully it doesn’t. 6/10

Softly enters Police Station, the second of I’m With You’s two tracks that actually make the slightest bit of sense. This is a piano ballad; and before you yawn, let me tell you that this is one of the best songs on the album. In fact, this and Brendan’s Death Song, the only songs with stories to tell, are easily distinguishable as the greatest moments on I’m With You. The verses are ever so laid back, with Klinghoffer’s backing vocals both soothing and haunting at the same time. The chorus then erupts in grandiose fashion, and it makes one wonder why the band never attempted the piano ballad until this late stage in their career. Kiedis’s vocal delivery is heartfelt and sweet when it needs to be, but then suitably powerful the next. He’s sounding bloody excellent on this record. According to him, Police Station is about the history of the LA police department since the turn of the century, including their abuse of power and their views on hip-hop culture. Hearing that man speak even the slightest shred of sense is arguably more like music to my ears than any of what can be found on I’m With You. Please note that this is not a dig at the album, but instead a comment on how consistently ridiculously poor RHCP’s lyrics have been since they formed. However, it's also apparently about the fading of a Hollywood star. Maybe it's down to us to decide? Maybe Kiedis doesn't actually know what he's talking (singing) about... Anyway, this song is fantastic. 9/10

The piano stays onstage for Even You Brutus?, a jangling, bouncing, rocking song that oozes pure theatre. Quite fitting then, that it’s onstage where the piano stays, along with the band members themselves. Admittedly, my choice of words there was pure luck and not through deliberate choice. It opens with the now pretty tired formula of rapped nonsense (much like the ending of Stadium Arcadium’s Death of a Martian), but when he sings, you know that Kiedis still has the right to keep going with what he does best if there were ever any doubts raised as to whether he was past his sell by date. Here he roars/screams/wails/yelps/shrieks like a cat, which as stupid as it sounds, actually works really well indeed. The chorus is pompous, catchy, and more grandiose than anything you’ll find on I’m With You. Of all the tracks on the album, Even You Brutus is the one which is most desperately calling for a wicked guitar solo. It never comes though, and the song ends rather abruptly. A sing-a-long classic. 8/10

Meet Me At The Corner is a little bit of a low-laying number, and it’s a little bit lovely too. It’s likely to drift by without you even realising, so it’s definitely deserving of multiple listens. Klinghoffer’s backing vocals return here, and once again his style is going to take some getting used to. I should probably add that his main part early on in the song sounds eerily like MGMT. Just warning you. While on the subject of Klinghoffer, he plays a neat little guitar outro which literally stops the very moment it gets going. It’s actually a little bit frustrating, because I was really hoping he could give himself a chance to shine. Musically basic, but atmospherically thick, Meet Me At The Corner has a small role to play late on in the album, and it makes sure that diversity is maintained on the album without the overall cohesion ever being questioned. Some may class it as filler, but it’s too pleasant to be a waste of space. This song is like glue; glue that tastes pretty nice too. 7/10

And so here we are; the final track. Are we in for an emotional closer, à la Venice Queen? Simply put, no, absolutely not. I’m still not really sure what to make of Dance, Dance, Dance. It sounds like a nice way to close the enjoyable party that I’m With You has been, with the African vibe returning once again, but for me there’s one flaw… Unfortunately, this flaw is in the track’s title itself, when being sung. It’s slightly out of Kiedis’s comfortable reach, thus making it awkward and uncomfortable for the listener. I know I’m not the only one who believes this to be true. Ultimately, Dance, Dance, Dance is a tad forgettable. 6/10

The track-by-track section of the review was supposed to be quick and to the point…whoops. Let's see how concise the conclusion is, eh?

Artwork courtesy of Damien Hirst. Nice.

I’m With You is a progression in sound for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Many elements of their past remain, but the influence of pop and piano are more prominent than ever. Quality-wise what’s on offer is relatively inconsistent, but stylistically it all holds together very well for a cohesive listening experience. Dealing with a change of line-up is never easy for any band, but thankfully, this is no train-wreck of an album; not at all. That said, it’d be ignorant to claim that John Frusciante’s absence isn’t noticeable. In stepped Klinghoffer to say “I’m With You”, but ironically, it couldn’t be further from the truth. Josh’s guitar work is bland. This is perhaps more down to the iffy mixing rather than his technical playing, I’m not sure. He’s competent when called upon, but (a) he’s not exactly called upon to do much anyway, and (b) he often sounds distant and drowned out by 3 more experienced, proficient musicians. You want solos? Think again. You want riffs? Think again. Seriously. In actuality, Josh Klinghoffer remains the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ backup guitarist – because Frusciante’s true replacement is just Flea. Having learned music theory and the piano, there’s more plink-plonking (particularly in the album’s second half) and prominent bass playing (particularly in the album’s first half) on I’m With You than there is much in the way of conventional guitar strumming. It’s a huge shame and it’s a downer that really does threaten to bring the album down a notch. One of the fans’ fears prior to the release of this massively anticipated record has indeed become a reality. Frusciante is clearly dearly missed. This unfortunate truth doesn’t ruin the experience though. Large steps have been made towards finding a style that suits the Chili Peppers right now, and I have my utmost faith and confidence in that fact that come the next album (whenever that may be), the Red Hots will be in fine form, as comfortable as ever and crucially able to deliver the killer track or two that I’m With You hasn’t been able to. There’s a lot of fun to be had on I’m With You, and so recommending it is easy. Its imperfections are confidently outbalanced by moments of brilliance. You know what to do now – buy it.

7/10
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Facebook Commenting

Say what you like about Facebook, it's pretty damn brilliant. It's done a hell of a lot to change the way society thinks and works, and this influence will only strengthen as the user-base grows. I could write about what makes Facebook such a great service, but I honestly have no desire whatsoever to do so - this is only enhanced by the fact that I focus on Facebook's flaws far more often than its plus points anyway. But this isn't about any of the ups or the downs of Facebook; this is about a certain (and rather frequent) happening that makes me cringe so God damn hard I feel as though my face may give in and become permanently corrugated. I've pretty much only ever seen this happen with the older users of Facebook - perhaps those that don't quite understand the concept, or haven't fully grasped the purpose of many of its features. I've seen it happen so many times before, and each and every time it makes me chuckle and groan at the very same time. Here's what happens. Somebody posts a status, the content of which could be anything. Say, for example, John Smith posts a status about the day's footballing action:

"Mr Wenger has totally lost the plot! Changes are needed."

A couple of people 'like' the status, and that's perfectly fine. In fact, it probably makes John feel more satisfied in life. The very first comment though, instead of referring to and responding to the point initially made in the status, actually then goes in a completely different direction. Why? God knows.

"Hey john hant seen you or you mum in aages! Shud catch up soon. Hope u ok x x x "

...says Mary, the Aunt that lives on the other side of the country. I've seen this kind of exchange happen so many times I actually have lost count. Does Mary not fully understand the appropriate use of Facebook's various features? Is she trying to embarrass John? Does she want to look out of touch? And why is she so literally challenged? Would it really have taken much longer to write "Hey John, I haven't seen you or your mum in ages! We should catch up soon. I hope you're okay xxx". None of those words are even close to approaching a 4 out of 10 on the spelling difficulty scale, if such a scale were to exist.  It's clear that the message she's putting across would be far more suited to being a chat message, wall post, or mail. What Mary's done in choosing a comment as her preferred method, however, is interrupt a public statement with something totally irrelevant. It's plain awkward. She needn't even use Facebook to say what she wanted to say. They're family for fuck's sake, nobody's going to mind if she rings up to speak to her relatives across the UK - she wants to catch up soon, after all!

What she probably doesn't realise she's doing is that she's essentially changing the subject, without poor John's consent. Anybody who would have commented on the status with anything actually related to THE FUCKING FOOTBALL probably won't now, because 'that weird woman' has hijacked the status for herself, turning it into a brief, pleasant, public conversation which stops after a mere couple of comments back and forth, therefore deeming the status defunct. Dead. Kaput. Down and out. Out of action. What you're doing, Mary, is invading John's social life - an area of his life you've never been part of for more than a couple of visits per year. He probably only accepted you as a friend on Facebook out of politeness anyway. Wise up, Mary. I'm sorry, this grinds my gears a bit - as you can probably tell. The example I gave was completely fictional by the way, in case you couldn't tell; but it was based on several comments I've seen before, right down to the detail of spelling mistakes and typos. Chow for now!

Irrelevant comments are welcomed on this post, for the ironic humour it entails.

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Sexy Shades Showcase

This'll be my lot for today, video wise. Over the coming weeks you'll likely see each pair of these sunglasses for a lot more time. Lucky you, lucky me.

Arsenal v Liverpool - Rambling

My new webcam hasn't exactly turned out to be quite what I was hoping for, but for now at least, it'll have to do. Right now I'm certainly only just beginning to get to grips with this, so I can assure you that improvements will be made - perhaps even in the form of me not bothering to do any more videos. Opening with wet hair was a joke, by the way.

Jamie Matthews - “I Came” Review

Quite a quiet release, this one. The basic concept for this album was created after Mr Matthews was told by a so called ‘friend’ that songs, and therefore albums, take a hell of a long time to write and record. Jamie disagreed. Challenge accepted. He’s had no musical education, other than the diabolical lessons in the school years up until year 9 in which you learn nothing but how to shake maracas and turn on a keyboard. Probably. Recorded and produced using Apple’s GarageBand software, “I Came” is a budget debut from Jamie Matthews – being released and put up for download for not a penny. Yup, it’s 100% free. Thanks, Jamie. Fundamentally, I’m going to have to review this album from a slightly different standpoint than normal. This isn’t about the musical content – always encouraging for MUSIC. I’ll of course take its vocal, instrumental and song-writing values into consideration when it comes to rating the album overall; but I won’t give it too much focus, if only to avoid upsetting the artist. Just kidding. Mostly. To give you a rough idea of what we’re dealing with here, take a look at the tracklisting:

1. Raep Raep Raep
2. The Bullying Song
3. Yarmouth
4. Meaning of Life
5. Animal Uprising
6. Social Networking
7. Poppadom Song
8. Instrumental Interlude
9. Happiness and Such
10. No Homo
11. Love Above the Waist
12. Intro Music (For a Kid’s Show)
13. Poignant Poem
14. Birdsong (Bex’s Song)

A range of themes, both light and dark, are covered in “I Came”. It’s this topical diversity that makes the record on the whole that little bit more appealing than it perhaps should be. One minute you’re being swamped by heavy-hitters such as the intelligently contemplative “Meaning of Life” and the next minute you’re stuck in the middle of the a full-scale riot of all God’s creatures, in “Animal Uprising” – broadcast to the listener by Jamie Burgundy, which is sure to raise a chuckle from the “Anchorman” fans among you – such a myself. Yes, I chuckled. This album really does stretch from one end of the spectrum to the other in its variety though; when it’s dark it’s dark, and when it’s light it is certainly light. “Poignant Poem” and “Love Above the Waits” are almost chilling in their hollow vocal delivery, whereas “Raep Raep Raep” is…plain distasteful. Unless of course you advocate the non-consented sex of 7 year old children – which you shouldn’t. Matthews doesn’t either, it’s just part of his wicked sense of humour. Please try not to be offended. It’s clear then, that Jamie was never looking to make a particularly cohesive album. In terms of instrumentation and song structures, the tracks all piece together rather well; as you’d expect from only one piece of software being used. Yet the album itself has no overarching theme, no point, no purpose, no intention, no desire, no message.

Onto the album’s musical credentials, which I earlier said I’d skim over quickly, but it can’t be avoided. Vocally, this is far from perfect. A couple of choruses may have you wondering whether they should be sung in totally different keys. The rest of the choruses are merely partially out of tune. What’s either distortion or the common garden auto-tune is very prominent indeed, whenever there’s vocals to be listened to or even winced at. Admittedly, that was overly harsh. You could argue that this is part of the album’s charm – after all, Jamie knows he’s not a singer. You could also argue that it means it’s shit. Take your pick. Spoken parts, however, are generally great. In fact, they more than make up for the majority of the singing being not up to scratch. Jamie’s speaking voice is crisp, clear and coherent. He’s evidently a well-spoken and well-mannered chap who knows how to articulate his points precisely and wittily – to music.

So how about the backing music? For a man (supposedly) completely lacking in musical know-how, some of it really isn’t all that bad. No, it’s better than that – plenty of it is good. As you’d expect, it’s still a mixed bag though. I’m still undecided as to whether “Raep Raep Raep” is supposed to sound so jagged, but because of the menacing and deeply inappropriate theme, I’ll give Jamie the benefit of the doubt. Sick bastard. The overly-pleasant “Happiness and Such” and “The Bullying Song” are genuinely catchy as tunes, which is nice because most of the album consists of short songs and skits that focus more on telling a little story of some kind, rather than ingraining themselves in your head. I don’t mean this as a bad thing, no no; on the contrary – it’s just surprising to find yourself humming and whistling some of the songs several hours after you last heard them. On the subject of “The Bullying Song”, it’s one a few songs that actually made me laugh. Others include the ridiculously racist “Poppadom Song” (which references and questions the British population’s inherent racism, as opposed to displaying Jamie’s racist views. He’s not racist at all, would you believe), “Yarmouth” (a wonderfully accurate insight into ‘Great’ Yarmouth, condensed into just over a minute and a half), “Social Networking” (a silly song about internet activity and how it can quickly become daily monotony) and “No Homo” (an audio sketch, if you will, about how sexual activity is not gay unless your balls are touching. Yummy). The main gripe I have with the musical instrumentation is the lack of depth on offer. Layers are thin, and there’s never very many of them; hence very nearly plunging the entire album into the depths of easy-listening music.

Lyrically, it’s a pretty hearty thumbs-up to Mr Matthews. Sombre tones are as equally well-achieved as more upbeat and chirpy numbers, thanks in some part to some consistently decent lyrics. Brilliance is just on the horizon too, with snippets such as ‘relationSHIT’ and ‘I turn my sad frown upside down’. It’s worth noting by the way, that this album is in no way suitable for the kiddies. Expletives can be found in a couple of the songs, thus the album sleeve being garnered with a Parental Advisory logo. Something tells me that you already knew this album wasn’t one for the young ones though, after merely taking a passing glance at the aforementioned eye and album-opening “Raep Raep Raep”.

It’s difficult to come to a solid conclusion on “I Came”. It’s a wildly varied, smile-inducing and thought-provoking record, that relies on its uniquely charming design to hold its own. In truth, the quality is all over the place; especially when it comes to the vocal delivery. It’s Jamie’s surprising song-writing prowess that enables me to give “I Came” a moderately credible review at the least. There’s so much room for improvement, sure, but that can only make me more excited for the follow up that’s in the works - “I Saw”. Y’see, you’ve got to remember that this is a debut effort from a bored 17 year old boy, who’s simply proving a point to a friend in the best way possible. This is a patchwork of music that you’re bound to have an opinion on. He came, and hopefully he won’t be leaving any time soon.

6/10

Oh, and did I mention that it’s FUCKING FREE?! FREE OF CHARGE! GET IT NOW!

Jamie’s Website: http://jmmusic.tk/

Download link: I Came

Google Accounts

Earlier today I spent the best part of a couple of hours trying to figure out how I could make myself a new YouTube account with a decent username, ready for when I order my new webcam. Initially I simply wanted to change my existing account's password, but apparently that's impossible. My aim was to keep my existing 'jenkinsmckenzie' account running (because it's got a fair few videos on it) and create a brand spanking new account alongside it. Sound fair? Well... It turns out you're not allowed two YouTube accounts on the same e-mail address. This is seemingly only a slight inconvenience, sure; but because of this limitation, you can't connect two separate YouTube accounts to your Google account. Currently I have a Google account that covers this very blog, and the 'jenkinsmckenzie' YouTube profile. At this stage I'd then worked out in my mind that the best thing to do would be to disconnect my YouTube account from my Google account, and hope that my new YouTube account can then be synchronized with my existing Google account, even though they're running off different e-mail addresses. I never found out whether this would be possible (likely not), because you can't disconnect a YouTube account from a Google account unless you actually delete the YouTube account completely. This I am not prepared to do. I thought about deleting my Google account and creating a new one OR deleting it, creating a new one on my alternate e-mail address, creating a new YouTube account on the same hotmail, and migrating my Blogger account to that email address. Turns out that neither of those are possible, because deleting a Google account automatically initiates the deletion of any account that branches off it. Bugger. So, why can't I just create a new YouTube account, and not connect it to a Google account at all? Don't ask me, but I can't. Google states that YouTube accounts must be connected to a Google account. That basically means that I'll have to create a second Google account just for YouTube. This sounds all well and good, but I'd have to switch Google accounts when moving from YouTube to Blogger every single time. This would drive me nuts. What I'm having to do then, is keep my existing YouTube account - the name of which I hate (it was created by my older brother several years ago), and post my new videos on there instead. Brilliant. Google, sort this shit out. Wouldn't it be simpler to let me change my username? I think so. Needless to say I'm pretty hacked off with this whole debacle.

Please do feel free to share any similar problems you've experienced with Google's incredibly awkward account system, as a comment or even via any of the below methods.

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