My Music Guilty Pleasures: #1

Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up

Yup. Trololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololo... No, really though. 

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: Overview

It's been a funny ol' journey, but I must say I've rather enjoyed it. Alas, the time has nearly come to wrap up my list of ultimate guilty pleasure tunes. In the meantime, I thought it'd be nice to present them all in the form of an actually cohesive list rather than individual blog posts.

30) The Beatles - Octopus's Garden
29) Suede - She's In Fashion
28) Talking Heads - Road To Nowhere
27) Paul McCartney - Pipes Of Peace
26) The Darkness - EVERYTHING
25) Muse - Undisclosed Desires
24) Jamiroquai - Canned Heat
23) U2 - Get On Your Boots
22) 2 Bears - Bear Hug
21) £1 Fish Man - One Pound Fish
20) Coldplay ft Rihanna - Princess Of China
19) Fatman Scoop - Be Faithful
18) Take That - Kidz
17) Depeche Mode - Just Can't Get Enough
16) Will Smith - Gettin' Jiggy Wit It
15) Michael & Janet Jackson - Scream
14) Tony Christie - Only Ones Who Know
13) A Static Lullaby - Toxic
12) Erasure - A Little Respect
11) David Essex - Hold Me Close
10) Moloko - Pure Pleasure Seeker
9) Ladyhawke - Black, White & Blue
8) Toto - Africa
7) Michael Bublé - Hollywood
6) Lady Gaga - You & I
5) Can Bonomo - Love Me Back
4) Baccara - Yes Sir, I Can Boogie
3) Will Ferrell (as Jackie Moon) - Love Me Sexy
2) Hanson - Give A Little
1) ????????????????????????????????????????????????

You're going to love number one. I can just feel it.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #2

We've already reached the penultimate guilty pleasure! How very (sort of) exciting. Are you ready? This one's positively riddled with vileness.

Hanson - Give A Little

Urgh. This is truly the most embarrassing one of the 30-strong bunch. Perhaps even more so than #1...perhaps... Everyone knows this group for one song and one song only - even if they don't quite realise it. Mmmbop. I'll say no more. Remember when these guys looked like pre-pubescent girls? Me too, and the transformation in time still perplexes me. Ageing is one thing, but naturally switching gender is a far more terrifying phenomenon. I only came to know this song through the recommendation of a Harry Potter and musical-loving (so yes, she adores A Very Potter Musical.) friend from college, to which I reluctantly accepted and listened. It's not even as though I like this song very much at all, because I don't, but the unfortunate reality is that I do like to at least some degree, so it has to go up for consideration on this list. It's personally one of my most irritating ear-worms, but credit where credit's due, holy shit is this track catchy... Bastards.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #3

Will Ferrell (as Jackie Moon) - Love Me Sexy

Without a hint of sarcasm, in its own unique way, this is one of my favourite songs ever - let alone just a guilty pleasure. Keeping up the funky trend from #4, this song is just...well, truth be told it's very Will Ferrell. The lyrics are crass (and mostly funny) as hell, but most importantly the music's actually pretty good to boot. You wouldn't hear Bob Dylan throwing around lyrics such as "let's fill the bathtub with sweat", "baby we're naked and we're humpin' sexy" and the infamous "take off your shoes and suck me sexy". The music industry has always been severely lacking in this department... tut tut tut. Go do yourselves a favour and watch Semi Pro - a very underrated sports comedy movie. Not convinced? André (3000) Benjamin stars in it. There we go, I knew you'd come around.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #4

Baccara - Yes Sir, I Can Boogie

Disco-uld be the best/worst dancefloor classic of all time. Hmmm...yeah, that pun just about works. Shoot me. Nobody would want murder on the dancefloor... Sophie Ellis-Bextor is absent from this list though, I'm afraid to say. Nevertheless, this song should definitely satisfy your desire to boogie like Marc Bolan in his prime. This really is about as '70s as it gets, and I'm ashamed to be unashamed to admit that I bloody love it. I dare you to listen to it the whole way through without being at least a little bit happy. It's a near perfect (guilty) pick-up. You were caught stealing stationery from work? Baccara. There's no biscuits left in the house? Baccara. Your beloved Fido's finally being put down? Baccara. Your spouse, thankfully unscathed, wrote off the family car? Baccara. You've just witnessed your entire close family slowly burnt to a crisp in a freak chip-pan fire accident, their desperate screaming clearly audible until the last signs of life are frazzled? Baccara. Tough break, dude.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #5

Can Bonomo - Love Me Back

Trust me on this one - I'm psychic. Are you thinking "What the fuck?" or words to similar effect? I knew it, and I don't blame you. Put your hands up if you love Eurovision! C'mon, let me see 'em! Anybody...? Y'see, the Eurovision Song Contest is one of the worst televised events of the year. The music is consistently crud, 'cept for a couple of notable rarities (HARD. ROCK. HALLELUJAH!!!), the territorial voting system is a complete sham, and crucially, it goes on for-fucking-ever. I'm a die hard viewer though. I mock the singers, overdub their vocals, scrape the barrel to find a favourite, bet on a winner, and tweet like the angriest little runt online. It's all good fun. Back to Can Bonomo though...no, I don't know either... Don't worry, I know this song is utter pap. But I like it a lot! It's worryingly catchy, and the slap bass is simply delicious in the guiltiest of guilty ways. Even if you hate the song (which you really should, for humanity's sake) there's entertainment value to be had, thanks to the overall ludicrousness of the official video. Asinine.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #6

Lady Gaga - You & I

You may have heard of this lady before. She's sort of famous in some places. Boy oh boy oh boy, does Lady Gaga divide opinion. I'm tempted to say she's a 'Marmite' artist, but my own opinion of her spoils the analogy. It does seem that most people either love her or hate her, but me personally? I don't mind her. I think she's decent but that'll do. The eccentric image is what puts many people off, although the sleazy pop potentially doesn't help either. The way I see it, there's no denying that she's got some damn good and damn catchy hits to her name, even if they may not be technically complex or entirely original. I can definitely see why Madonna's a little pissed off...but I don't care, because I hate Madonna. I fear that I may have strayed off topic a little...but hopefully my diversion has been  enough to not upset any 'Little Monsters'. That's 'fans', to you and I...see what I did there? Yeah, you did. You & I is the only Gaga song I would say that I really do genuinely like, but I really do genuinely like it. It's a far more rock oriented sounding tune, and it's all the better for it. Furthermore it features the one and only Brian May of Queen fame on guitar. I firmly believe this to be a truly underrated American rock anthem/ballad, despite the fact that obviously it's still achieved a hefty degree of fame (see what I did there? Okay, I'll shut up...) in its short time on Earth.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #7

Michael Bublé - Hollywood

Who doesn't love a bit of Mickey Bubbles? No...? I do, and I'm not afraid to admit it. My confession does nothing to prevent it from going down as a pretty big guilty pleasure though. He's the proud owner of one of the finest voices of this generation; so crisp, clean and controlled - both on the record and live. It'd take a mug to disagree. I'd say his voice is also rather inoffensive, although I do know people who simply cannot get along with it. That's fine - hell, I'm a Muse fan... Which brings me neatly onto the fact that this song really doesn't suit me. It's jazzy, upbeat and optimistic - all things that I am evidently not. This is why most of the more lively and cheerful songs that I listen to could be considered guilty pleasures. This one, though, is probably top of the list. There are no happy songs that I enjoy more. Cheers, Bubs. This doesn't mean there aren't any more happy songs altogether to be found on this top 30 though...oh no no...just you wait... Huh? What's that? Shhhhhhhh, I'm whispering...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #8

Toto - Africa

Time to thank Scrubs again. More specifically, I should be thanking Zach Braff's JD for singing this song in the bath in the seventh episode of the fifth series. Man, this song has such a big chorus to sweep the listener off their feet and take them across a transcontinental journey, finding themselves in real life Africa. Something like that anyway. Everyone knows why this song is embarrassing and a guilty pleasure; it just IS. In all honesty, nothing sums it up better than JD's tub-time rendition. So go get some mango body butter, run yourself a nice warm bath and just indulge...you tit.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #9

It took a lot of will-power to resist the temptation of naming The Beatles' Revolution 9 as my 9th highest ranked guilty pleasure. Not just because of the obvious 9 in the song title, but because of the infamously repeated "number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9". But then it struck me; I loathe it. It's one of the most ludicrously bad patchworks of music (if you can actually class it as such) that I've ever had the misfortune of coming across. It's certainly not what you'd expect from the song-writing behemoth that is John Lennon. I guess we all have our bad days. On with the show...

Ladyhawke - Black, White & Blue

Big thanks to EA Sports for introducing me to this song. Soundtracks from the annually iterated FIFA video game franchise are traditionally excellent, with a diverse range of international music being the dish of the day. I've always found more household names (that more directly appeal to my tastes) to cling onto over the years though, such as Muse, Gorillaz, Franz Ferdinand and, well...The Enemy. I openly admit that I like The Enemy, despite their obnoxiousness and relative shitness. Ladyhawke, however, is not a name I would have expected to pique such interest from me. I dare say that this track is my favourite out of all listed on the FIFA 13 soundtrack...even above Kasabian's Club Foot. Apparently this song can also be found in Forza Horizon and Sleeping Dogs, which is rather nifty. Reminds me, I still need to play both... There's a real tinge of Abba to the chorus, which is very often a good thing for a by the numbers pop hit, even if it may ride slightly too close to the awkward red-taped line of plagiarism. Regardless, this song's black, white and bloody brilliant. Urgh, me neither...me neither...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #10

Into the top 10, we charge! I've been simultaneously both dreading and gleefully anticipating this home straight. Without further ado, let's break into the final third.

Moloko - Pure Pleasure Seeker

Ah yes, this one's a bloody corker. Something about that looped brass riff gets me in the best possible way. Unfortunately, I don't think many people are aware of this song and so haven't been gotten in that same way. Worse than that, most people are completely unaware of Moloko these days after their split in 2006. Look up 'Sing It Back' and 'The Time Is Now' on YouTube; you'll know at least one of 'em for sure. No, I will not link them to you, you lazy bastard. With any luck we'll see a Moloko revival at some point in the near future, as their disbandment has been quoted as being only tentative and potentially temporary. Fingers crossed. I suppose the main reason this track has reached such an impressive peak point on this list is more to do with just how much I like it, rather than how much of a guilty pleasure it is. Yeah, it's another one of those songs. Seriously though, I like this way more than I should. I defy you to disagree; which you probably will because music's entirely subjective. Guess I'm just a pure guilty pleasure seeker...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #11

I'm finding that the further down the perilous line of music guilty pleasures I go, the more difficult it is to say much about them. It's very likely because by now the choices are so obviously guilty (though the pleasure may not be so obvious), that everything's just an obvious reason. Alas, that won't stop me at number 11. When we've reached number 1, you'll know...because the post will be titled with '#1'.

David Essex - Hold Me Close

I blame Roys for this one. I suppose what with the internet not being a Norfolk-only invention (Pah, to be honest we barely experience its perks over here anyway.) I'll have to divulge. Roys is a Norfolk based chain of department stores, and it's my current employer. Poor fools. Thank you, Ed Roy and co. But I digress... The playlist on the radio at work is a tad on the lean side, and so I'll often find myself becoming overly familiar with songs that I otherwise wouldn't have. Quite often, this is an unpleasant experience - yet with this David Essex classic, I don't seem to have built up and level of hatred. Quite the opposite. It may very well even be my most hummed-along-to song during my spell at Roys. Hopefully they'll hold me close and not let me go for a while longer too, because right now I'm in need of the moolah.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #12

Erasure - A Little Respect

I'd always assumed this song went by the title of 'Refrain', but apparently not. Whatever it's called, it's pretty damn infectious. If you don't believe me, check out Series 1 Episode 3 of Scrubs. In fact, even if you do believe me, check it out anyway. Turk (undeniably one of the coolest characters in anything ever) states that he hates this song. So there you go...it's a guilty pleasure. To be fair, it didn't need Donald Faison's condemnation to categorise it as a guilty pleasure. It's cheesy '80s synth pop, so fundamentally it's going to be fighting an uphill struggle by its mere genre. Is this the last of the '80s synth pop on this list? Well, would you like me to say 'yes' or tell you the truth?

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #13

Another cover version. I suppose you could say that this brings new meaning to 'from cover to cover'...

A Static Lullaby - Toxic

I know nothing about this band other than this song, which is a level of knowledge I'm perfectly content to sit tightly on. It pains me to admit that I never actually disliked the crack whore's (Britney Spears, of course) original. I wouldn't go as far as saying I liked it per se, but it's a catchy and dirty pop tune that gathered much attention. Haven't you always wanted to hear a slightly (much) heavier version of it though? No...? Liar. That's pretty much what this is, and it's fucking ace. Oooh, I swore! Edgy. It's a bit punky, a bit screamo, a bit stupid, a bit shit, a bit awesome, and a bit more indulgent. It is Toxic. This is a classic guilty pleasure, and I love it. Even if I don't feel like listening to this song, I won't skip it because I know that there's a pretty strong likelihood of it making me laugh. A laugh a day keeps the doctor away, as they say...with 'they' being a non-existent race of people who frequently mistake laughter for tree-grown fruit.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #14

"IS THIS THE WAY TO AMARILLO? EVERY NIGHT I'VE BEEN HUGGING MY PILLOW. DREAMING DREAMS OF AMARILLO. AND SWEET MARIE WHO WAITS FOR ME." 

Naaah, it's not that one...

Tony Christie - Only Ones Who Know

Much to my (relative) dismay, this song cannot be found anywhere on YouTube. I knew I'd step foot in the copyright mire at some point along the way on this guilty journey of guilty pleasures. Didn't expect it to happen with Tony Christie, though... I suppose what I'll have to do is whack the Arctic Monkeys' original version onto the end of this post. It's one of my all-time favourite Arctic Monkeys songs; a seriously beautiful songwriting gem from Alex Turner, and though I certainly don't prefer this cover version, it's a pretty darn decent stab. It retains some of the feeling of the first cut, whilst giving it a slightly more vintage feel. However, it's also Tony Christie...Tony...fucking...Christie...sha la la la la la la la...sha la la la la la la la...sha la la la la la la la... Yeah, you get the idea with that. Woah woah woah, any genuine link between AM's Hellcat Spangled Shalalala, or just a pure coincidence...? Mind not quite blown, but certainly provoked.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #15

Michael Jackson ft. Janet Jackson - Scream

Suspicions, mystery and controversy aside, Michael Jackson is what I'd refer to as a 'God Tier' artist; he's one of a select few untouchables. You wouldn't want to touch this track though, let alone listen to it... 'Scream' is certainly a fitting title. Okay, okaaay - I'm being overly harsh. In comparison with any one of his multitude of classics though, this song's a right stinker. I...ummm..I really like it though... I can't really say much more than that to be honest, and that's precisely why it's earned its place on my list. It's a straight up song that I get far more enjoyment out of than it's worth. Embarrassing, really. Oh, and it features the sound of breaking glass. One of those songs. Unnecessary. How God damn crazy is it that we're not all that far off the 4th anniversary of his death, by the way? Very God damn crazy. RIP MJ.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #16

Will Smith - Gettin' Jiggy Wit It

Scientology aside, it's hard not to love Will Smith. As far as modern(ish) actors go, it'd be tricky to disagree with granting him legendary status. But what about his rapping career...? We've ALL heard the theme tune to The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (in fact it was my ringtone for a long period of time a few years ago), but what of his other material? By critics and musical snobs it's a much maligned affair, and with a debut album called Big Willie Style, you can perhaps understand why. It's dated as hell too - stuck in that brightly coloured '90s void. None of this bothers me though. I find his hits such as Gettin' Jiggy Wit It (and the honourable mentions of Summertime, Miami, Wild Wild West, Men In Black, Nod Ya Head and Girls Ain't Nothin' But Trouble) to be too infectious to ignore...despite my obvious whiteness...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #17

For a second I had a major blonde moment there. I thought that what with this being the 17th placed guilty pleasure, on the 17th day of the month, I must have finally caught up on my slack posting of late. Then I quickly realised that naturally I'm doing this in numerically descending order... Whoops.

Depeche Mode - Just Can't Get Enough

This song bears both fresh reasons for me liking it, and fresh reasons for it being considered a guilty pleasure. On a fundamental level, I of course do like this song - otherwise it wouldn't be here on this list at all; not even at the bottom end (ooh err), let alone middling. Any football fans in the house? Any Liverpool FC fans in the house? Any Luis Suarez fans in the house? Yes, yes and yes again, if the house we're talking about is mine. Just Can't Get Enough is the controversial and talismanic Uruguayan's goalscoring celebration music, with modified lyrics. Therefore I associate this track with some form of elation. Fortunately, I don't seem to associate with the sheer disappointment that tends to be felt at the final whistle. Why's it a guilty pleasure then? I'll knock the two factors out as quickly as I can. Firstly, go watch the video above if you haven't already. Secondly, remember a certain girl group doing a cover version for Comic Relief? No? You'd best watch the video below then. Emphasis on the watching, rather than the listening...no particular reason why...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #18

I really struggled with this one, because I told myself I wasn't allowed to have any artists make multiple appearances on this list. Not only this, but I'm not even allowed to have a band and a member of that band's solo work both featured. Don't ask me why, but that's just the way I feel most comfortable doing this. That basically means that you can pick any one of the following 4, based on your own personal preference... If I had to choose one though, I'd probably go with the first - merely on the basis that I like it the most. I know that some people are disgusted by this opinion, but I firmly believe it to be a truly underrated song despite its chart success. Here we go then...

Take That - Kidz

Also-rans

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #19

Fatman Scoop - Be Faithful

I absolutely loved this song when it first came out, and I'd struggle to tell you why. It was probably just the novelty of shouting "all the chicken-heads, be quiet" that did it. Confused by the strikethrough? Turns out the single was initially released in 1999, with a re-release 4 years later in 2003. It's a pretty damn popular track, this one;  more so than the song it (heavily) samples from - which is Faith Evans' Love Like This, in case you were wondering. I was, which is why I Googled that shizz. I also absolutely loved the video when it first came out. I must have been a particularly easily amused 8 year old, eh? I remember going bowling for somebody's birthday party and being worryingly excited by the prospect of paying 50p to get this song played on the jukebox and screens. When it finally happened, time stood still. Our necks craned upwards. Our feet began to tap. We mimed along, doing the best (though incidentally it was probably the worst) impression of a generic black rapper that we possibly could. Good times. What an extraordinary anecdote... Definitely one for the grandchildren. Interested to know what Fatman Scoop's been up to recently by the way? Take a gander...

BEWARE

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #20

Coldplay ft. Rihanna - Princess Of China

Believe it or not, I can actually remember a time when Coldplay were both popular and well respected in general by the crowds of musicheads. A common occurrence took place, however. It seems that quite often when a band (or indeed other things in life) breaches a certain unspecified level of popularity, a segment of the plaudits break away and start to breed negativity. This, for Coldplay, came in conjunction with a reasonable amount of (I hate having to say this, because it sounds like I'm saying it's a problem and it just isn't...ish) going more 'mainstream'. In a day and age where most chart music is diabolically shite, I suppose it's fair to say that making something more chart-friendly is likely to be a bad thing. I wouldn't begrudge Chris Martin for making this decision though. Besides, Coldplay have always had commercial success - both with their singles and albums. By far the most accessible and controversial portion of 2011's Mylo Xyloto is a peculiar collaboration with Rihanna. It irritates me that I like this song, because I strongly despise Rihanna's own music. To be honest, I don't even like her part in this track - but what I must say is that surprisingly it works. It's a pretty unorthodox duet, which has come with a lot of haters (both from the Coldplay haters, the Rihanna haters, and the haters of existence), but much to my own surprise, I can't agree with them. It's catchy and there's something about the synths that I find appealing. I'm not even trying to make a solid case for myself here, because I'm not even 100% sure why I like it...perhaps not even 50% sure... Alas, what I do know is that I do unfortunately quite like it, so it's got to have itself a place on my list somewhere. The awful video also helps its position.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #21

£1 Fish Man - One Pound Fish

"Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies! One pound fish!

Have a have a look - one pound fish!

Have a have a look - one pound fish!

Very very good - one pound fish!

Very very cheap - one pound fish!

6 for 5 pound, one pound each!

6 for 5 pound, one pound each!

Very very good and very very cheap!

One pound, one pound...

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies! One pound fish!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies! One pound fish!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies!

 Have a have a look - one pound fish!

Have a have a look - one pound fish!

Very very good - one pound fish!

Very very cheap - one pound fish!

6 for 5 pound, one pound each!

6 for 5 pound, one pound each!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies! One pound fish!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies! One pound fish!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies!

One pound fish!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies! To the fish, one pound each!
One pound each, one pound each!

Very good and very cheap, very good and very cheap! One pound fish! One pound fish!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies! One pound fish!

Come on, ladies! Come on, ladies! One pound fish!

One pound fish... One pound fish... "

Need I give any further explanation?

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #22

The 2 Bears - Bear Hug

Into some quite disturbing territory now. I haven't got much to say about this song that isn't made outrageously obvious once it has been listened to. In fact, I'm feeling that it might be time for some good old fashioned bullet points. So, what specifically do I actually like about this monstrosity? I promise that this isn't just because I'm lazy...that's only partly the logic behind it...

• The video is utterly hilarious. Not once have I watched it without at least raising a hefty smirk.
• The lyrics (if you can call them that) are gobsmackingly bad but in the most brilliant way.
• The act comprises Hot Chip's Joe Goddard and...some other chap.
• IT'S FUN. What with me being a grumpy git at the best of times, the fact that I can enjoy something like this is a breath of fresh air. Or indeed a breath of fresh bear...but that wouldn't make any sense.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #23

U2 - Get On Your Boots

Frustratingly for a band that I very much love to hate, I actually like quite a lot of U2 songs. That said, I won't hesitate to say that they're one of the most overrated bands of all time; nor would hesitate to add that Bono (real name: Dick Head) is one of my least favourite music personalities of all time. Everything about him makes my skin crawl...which is impressive really...I mean, have you ever seen skin crawl? I certainly haven't. Perhaps I'm just misunderstanding the expression though... Anyhoo, back to the bona/Bono-fide bastard. I'm not sure if there's anything more asinine than his insistence on wearing shades constantly. No doubt I'll soon find out that he accessorises this way to help ease the effects of a rare retina condition, but honestly, I just don't care. Okay, maybe I would...I'm not that mean - I just want to at least look stubborn. Credit where credit's due though, his image is worryingly iconic. I see this as a good thing - highlighting himself as a complete wanker, almost like separating the wheat from the chaff, if you will. I reckon that ALL complete wankers should be made to wear Bono style shades, just so that the public knows. Yes, I'll be getting my pair now... BACK TO THE MUSIC. U2 don't have as much widely ranging credibility and respect within the music world as they used to - which is partly down to Bono's evident bellendish (totally a word) nature, but also the band's pretty sudden late career dip. Get On Your Boots was the lead single from their most recent studio album, No Line On The Horizon. It wasn't terribly good. It was (a bit) terrible. It's just not cool to like U2, but...begrudgingly I must admit defeat in that I do like this song...even in spite of its piss poor lyrics.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #24

Jamiroquai - Canned Heat

It was between this and a couple of other Jamiroquai tunes, but in the end I just had to plump for Canned Heat. Such an infectiously groovy disco-pop track. Personally I think it's a shame that the band (though let's be honest here, it's ALL about Jay Kay) has faded into insignificance in recent years, as I can assure you that if you were to stick on 2011's Rock Dust Light Star, you'd find some damn good tunes. That album's as solid as they come. It's rather odd to think that Canned Heat is roughly 14 years old now... Yes, it hails from the late '90s - which is a fair weight of the reason why it's such a guilty pleasure. Many would perceive it to still feel like a song from the nineties. Not that it would be a problem musically as such, no no, but it must be noted that said era in particular does lend itself rather well to slightly corny music. I don't dance and I likely never will, but this song would be the most likely out of any to get me moving. Perhaps I'll do it when there's nothing left for me to do...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #25

Muse - Undisclosed Desires

I love Muse. It's no secret. Whether you think they're brilliantly bombastic or just pretentious wank, I love them. In recent years Matt Bellamy and his band have made a small reputation for themselves of trying to mix things up a bit by incorporating new genres, styles and sounds into their style. Admittedly, that's a slightly vague and perhaps partially rose-tinted way of looking at it. Many Muse songs sound very 'Musey' - Survival and United States Of Eurasia being prime examples. Mind you, this new 'Musiness' doesn't necessarily reflect their earlier music. Within this 'Musey' space of sound comes the experimentation. Songs such as Supermassive Black Hole and Panic Station offer wildly different noises, whilst still managing to sound altogether 'Musey'. I'm bored of trying to explain it now. Basically, their overall style of music has become a bit of a patchwork... Messy and convoluted in the eyes of many, I love it. Overblown and dumb in the eyes of others, I still love it. 

Undisclosed Desires just so happens to be one of a couple of segments of the patchwork that in my opinion effectively fails to feel 'Musey' at all. It also just so happens to be a bit shit. Having seen them perform live twice (Wembley Stadium and Reading Festival 2011), I can also vouch for the fact that it's a pretty shitty live spectacle too. I have reason to believe it was the first Muse track to feature neither guitar nor piano, but don't quote me on that. Why would you anyway? NME ('No More Editing'...honestly, have you read their website recently?) described it as 'like something Timbaland might find down the back of his mixing desk" and it's hard to disagree. The attempted leap forwards just isn't right, and ends up being a substantial lurch in the opposite direction. Not that I even care, for I enjoy this song all the same. Silly shades? Check. Keytar? Check. Hideously syrupy lyrics? Check. Do I like it? Check. Yes. It's too darn catchy for my liking, despite all the overwhelming lameness. Y'know what, maybe I'd just lap up any old tripe that the Devon trio might release. In fact, I do recall once saying that I'd probably purchase the next Muse album on the day of release even if was just a several hour-long recording of Chris Wolstenhome and Dom Howard taking a communal dump. Lovely. 

In all seriousness, these guys should just stick to what they know best: over the top space-age orchestral stadium stupidity. Or, alternatively, in the words of Matt Bellamy: "Christian gangsta rap jazz odyssey, some ambient rebellious dubstep and face melting metal flamenco cowboy psychedelia." Yeah, that. I suppose duffers such as Undisclosed Desires are inevitable, but I really don't mind...to the extent that I've now disclosed my desire to have Undisclosed Desires at #25 of my guilty pleasures list. Chortle.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #26

I think it's about time I saw sense and tweaked the system a touch. This latest late post has made me realise that it'd be considerably easier for me to just be less strict on myself, and simply follow a rough guideline of a song per day as closely as possible. Whatever happens, the list will be completed by the end of the month. I promise...

The Darkness - ALL OF IT!!!

What better way to open than with a bold and sweeping statement? In my opinion, The Darkness are truly one of the most underrated bands of all time. They deserve far more attention than their career has drawn. Perhaps at least they could have had their attention better levelled out, rather than having such a massively bright peak followed by such a swift descent into the relatively unknown... You may not know it and you may not care, but The Darkness deserve better than that. Very solid musicality all round, combined with bizarre but brilliant falsetto vocals, puerile humour, homages to some of the greatest rock acts of all time, and some surprisingly decent song-writing - with tongue firmly in cheek all the way. It's all rather reminiscent of a real-life Spinal Tap. THAT is The Darkness; not just some generic and irrelevant rock 'n' roll band fronted by that English dude with the dodgy hair, questionable sexuality and silly voice. Well, that too... Other than the 'generic and irrelevant' bit. Arguably. I absolutely adore this band, seriously. I have no shame in this fact, and I can't stress enough just how important it is for you to at least give just the one of their 3 albums a full play-through. Knowing of I Believe In A Thing Called Love and Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End) just isn't enough. It's not fair to only ever hear their music at cheesy discos and suchlike. Honestly, it gets so much better than that. They're actually comfortably two of my least favourite songs of theirs anyway...which reminds me, I should probably add the latter to my aforementioned (#27) 2-strong list of Christmas songs I like. There we go, now 3's a crowd.  The fact that Justin Hawkins and company hail from local Lowestoft only sweetens the deal. For me, anyway - not for the poor members themselves! I mean, have you ever been to Lowestoft?

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #27

On time once again, by just a few measly minutes... Incredible stuff.

Paul McCartney - Pipes Of Peace

Feeling festive? I certainly hope you are! No? Okay, fair play; neither am I. And that's the crux of the problem. Paul McCartney's Pipes Of Peace is one of only two Christmas songs that I will quite happily listen to all year round. This just shouldn't be allowed. For me this fact is rather surprising, especially considering how much I hate Christmas music in general. Bah humbug. (Putting the 'Ben' into 'Ebenezer'... I will NEVER stop making that joke.) No matter what Christmas song it is, for this sheer fact alone it must find itself somewhere on this list. Well, other than the aforementioned second Christmas song I'll freely listen to no matter what the time of year may be...which is Coldplay's Christmas Lights, in case you were interested. I kind of figured that if you'd taken the time to actually read this far, you would. Apologies if my assumption was misguided. I really do like this song a lot though, and I feel as though it's quite under-appreciated by the masses. By that I don't mean grams of kilograms...because that wouldn't be funny. I just love the music box style opening and closing bars. There's something rather warm about them. Something warm to slowly thaw my heart of ice...

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #28

Back in sync, bitches. Actually, I never was in sync in the first place... Whatever. It's a good feeling to be posting on the correct day.

Talking Heads - Road To Nowhere

Slightly less obvious one, this. I'm led to believe that Road To Nowhere was a pretty big hit in its day, and I think I can understand why. Any song that manages to make singing about the lack of direction and meaning to our lives sound catchy and upbeat must be decent to some degree. The sole trouble though, is not that the song hasn't aged well...it's more that it's a bit lame now. Why? Because it's from the '80s, pretty much... I'm only slightly joking. I personally don't think it's lame, because obviously I like this song (quite a lot actually); but there's little denying that there's definitely more than a hint of general uncoolness. But what is 'cool'...? And therefore what is 'uncool'? I DON'T KNOW AND DON'T CARE. I'd never be able to rationalise all my choices on this list if I tried, and I suppose in reality I don't even need to. It's my list and I'll do as I damn well please. It's safe to say that so far I'm struggling with justifications. Maybe it's the acapella intro that does it. It seems to me that acapella can only be either brilliant or utterly turd, but nothing in between. To be honest it just looks like I'm clutching at straws to back up my decisions, doesn't it? I reckon I'll have to settle on the main reason being the cheesy video.

Hold on a second...need to collect my thoughts...halt this train-wreck...hmmm...

Yup, I've figured this one out. Talking Heads scrape their way onto my guilty pleasures list more for how much I enjoy the song, rather than the extent to which it is an all-round guilty pleasure. The fact that I treat it as a guilty pleasure to any degree at all qualifies it for selection, but as the level of liking increases, the guiltypleasureness (check your dictionary) is exacerbated. By my reckoning, that grants Road To Nowhere with a low placing in my top 30. Yeah, that'll do. An honourable mention should probably go to Brian May's Driven By You by the way, because it came a very close second for this particular spot. For whatever reason I wanted an '80s gem at #28.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #29

Would you believe it? Another late post! I'll catch up soon enough, I'm sure... If 'sure' were to mean 'not at all convinced', that is. Number 29 is another track from a band that I absolutely love, but it has its reasons for being a guilty pleasure. It's one of those ones that I don't particularly view as a guilty pleasure - if at all - but would certainly be considered by many others to be one. See what I meant by defining a 'guilty pleasure' as being difficult? We haven't even scraped the surface of criteria... Everything's just too bloody subjective. This is why you should just nod and agree with everything I say.

Suede - She's In Fashion

Right then. First thing's first: I love Suede. I firmly believe that Brett Anderson is a criminally underrated songwriter and stylised vocalist, and can only hope that his stock rises in years to come. As of now he's still very much a cult hero. She's In Fashion comes from the back end (oooooh, naughty...) of Suede's career, in which a preference for pop sensibility was definitely present. For me it's one of many songs that I find very difficult indeed to resist singing along to (you could even call it a SINGle, but that would be shit), but...well...what exactly makes it a guilty pleasure to me? (SPOILER: I don't really know.) In truth, this one's rather tricky to approach, because I genuinely don't feel as though it's a guilty pleasure when I listen to it. Not much, anyway. Is it because the song hasn't aged terribly well? Not at all - if anything I think it's aged very well. Granted, it's only been 13 years since its release but you'd be shocked when you realise just how many tracks from that sort of time-frame are starting to sound incredibly dated through having stagnated. Yes, that rhyme was awkward. There's a tinge of the 'Bowie effect' (not a real notion - I just coined it) to it, in the way that despite all the changes that our culture has been through over the years, an aura of distinctly effortless coolness remains. To a lesser extent, of course, this song captures that vibe. I'm starting to wonder if maybe the simple case is that this song is just too damn fashionable for me, and so therefore the relationship between me and it just doesn't work... Perhaps I am what makes it a guilty pleasure. Sorry, Suede - I'm ruining your image. Had it been written about me for whatever reason, we'd see a slightly different and altogether more boring title of 'He's Not In Fashion'. Woo.

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My Music Guilty Pleasures: #30

A quick skimming over of the format of this forthcoming list is necessary. Initially I was going to have it split it into three separate lists of 10, though now I'm going to do each track individually - the intention being to post them in March daily. One problem...it's now just about March 2nd. Whoopsie. Shoot me. Alas, on with the (embarrassing) show we go. To ease myself in, here's something from the band I'm probably the least embarrassed to like (LOVE) out of all the bands I listen to regularly and enjoy...

The Beatles - Octopus's Garden

Okay, here's the deal. I love this song, and I love the album from which it is taken - the infamous Abbey Road, of course. Not only this, but I think it's reasonably safe to say that it IS a good song from a very, very, very good album. One of my all time favourites, no doubt. Not sounding like much of a guilty pleasure so far, is it? Well, we are only talking about number 30 on the list here...but it definitely has enough reason to be on the list. There's just something about Ringo, isn't there? Bless him, he's not a bad drummer as such, but there's no denying that he was always the least talented of the fab four. This probably says more about the incredible talent of his bandmates, rather than a stark lack of ability on his part. That said, John Lennon (with tongue firmly in cheek) did famously say that poor old Richard Starkey wasn't even "the best drummer in The Beatles", let alone the best in the world. Still, he could keep a beat. About as no-frills a sticksman as you'll find. Though of course, if I were to involve stickswomen, Meg White would surely be deserving of an honourable mention... But back to The Beatles. Their one song that I absolutely cannot stand may come as little surprise, what with it being largely unpopular amongst the band's enormous fanbase. It's Yellow Submarine, and I feel this is what has created such a horribly negative vibe surrounding Ringo's vocals in my head. Everything I hear with him on the mic, whether I like or not, will eternally be associated with that bloody man who bloody sailed to sea, who told us about his bloody life in the land of bloody subma-bloody-rines. I rather wish he hadn't taken the opportunity to divulge upon this particular tale. I don't know if this is a shared opinion, but it means that I simply cannot escape from a deep feeling of cringiness whenever I listen to Octopus's Garden - a not too dissimilar track anyway. To top it all off, it's too damn happy. When it comes to music, I don't really 'do' happy. This is probably the most overtly cheerful song that I can claim to enjoy...probably...I'd watch this space though... Oh, and he's always been the least cool Beatle in general, Thomas The Tank Engine aside. Apologies, Ringo fans. It's not that I don't love him, but...I just happen to love him the least. He somehow manages to be less cool than the gut-wrenchingly over-the-hill Paul McCartney (c'mon, the Olympic performance had us all wincing) and so for these reasons it just about creeps into my top 30. Buckle up, chaps; this really is just the beginning.

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