Formspring

What a peculiar little website Formspring is. Firstly, I'm going to go ahead and just chuck out there the fact that I have literally no idea why the site is called 'Formspring'. I don't see any forms around, and I certainly don't see any springs. Baffling stuff. Call it what you like, it's still a pretty good (I use the word 'good' very loosely here) site.The basic premise of Formspring, wait no, the only premise of Formspring is that you can ask various contacts (be it your friends or your enemies) questions (be it openly or behind the convenient black screen of anonymity). It creates some pretty interesting results, let me put it that way. The idea of simply asking someone you know a basic question, such as "What's your favourite car?" goes out of the window once you realise that there's a hell of a lot more fun (and twatishness to be had). Some is good. Most is bad. It's probably a 10-90 split. I consider myself of a Formspring veteran now, and after browsing the site various times, it occurred to me that you can divide the types of questions up into 3 main categories. This is how it is:

1. Compliments and nice friendly questions. 
To be honest, these are pretty boring to read on someone else's profile, but it's always nice to be sent a question/statement that actually contains some form of good intention. It's ever so slightly depressing to see 'your so pretty' on some year 11 girl's formspring, but hey, grammar aside, at least they tried? (RHYMING WIN) This is the best side of Formspring that you'll be able to see. It's pleasant, it's light hearted, and unfortunately it's littered with the half-arsed compliments of illiterate bastards. Alas, it's not really all that interesting. Not bad.

2. Abuse/aggression/hate
I've got to be a bit careful with what I say here. I'd like to think that my fundamental morals for surviving the wonderfully crafted bitch of a game that we like to call 'life' are still intact. But, I can't help but feel as though some of the most entertaining reading to be found on Formspring is through abuse. I never send out abusive comments, and I don't condone doing so, and I'm perfectly aware of the fact that it's mean to find fun from other people's hurtful comments (and the subsequent responses) but honestly, some cases just have to be seen to be believed. 99% of the abuse received on Formspring, as far as I can tell, is directed at females of the age bracket '12-16' who are generally considered to be popular and/or attractive. It's basically just a combination of jealousy, boredom and aggression coming together to form some kind of eloquently written point, such as 'u r such slag'. That's a quote, boys and girls. Take note now - if you don't want to be judged by me and various other people, please at least listen a little tiny bit in English lessons. Yes, I know it's not fun, but for God's sake you're English and not some scrawny little invalid troll. Thank you.  But anyway, Formspring hate is hilarious. It's never well articulated enough to actually be hurtful, so it just ends up being a drawn out, pathetic little argument that makes bystanders like me laugh, and shits on the Queen's English.

3. Spam
Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam. Spam. I can't stand it. Otherwise known as 'mass-messages',  spam on Formspring comes in the form of generic, poorly written questions that are almost completely devoid of purpose and are completely devoid of any wit, that are sent to every contact on said spammer's 'following' list. What a royal pain in my arse they are. What the fucking hell is the point in sending everyone 'I love you', when it's plain and clear to see that through your whorish, frenzied compliments, you're actually proving that you've either: A) Got a massive problem with your life and you're a bit of a prick, or B) Your heart has an unmitigated, unrivalled capacity to truly love everyone that you know, with genuine feeling. It's 'A', surprisingly. Their are so many examples of spam/mass messages that I've experienced, that I wish I could show you them all. Instead, I'll point you politely in the direction of my Formspring profile, and welcome you to ask ANY questions you like. Compliments? Abuse? Spam? Incomprehensible gobbledigook? Yes please, why the hell not. Anything to have an excuse to write a bit more, in my usual raging way. And because I'm so kind (why are you shaking your head...?!), I'll show you a delightful taster of my most recent bit of spam. Let's just say that I was in a bit of a bad mood...

Question
who would be the one who is to fat? who would be the one who is to skinny? who is the one who pisses every one off? whos the one who gets off every weekend? any you know what might fir to any of these?


Answer
Righty ho 'wanker', which is what I'm calling you from now on for reasons of poor first impression. I'd like to think that you'd be the one who's fat. I've never seen you, and I don't even know whether you're a boy or a girl (nor do I care), so I can't even begin to know details of your body weight. However, because I find you, 'wanker', incredibly irritating (perhaps this is a trait you've possessed since birth) I would like to assign as many negative traits to you as possible. With 'fat' being a derogatory term, and you actually giving me the opportunity to lightly insult you through asking me, I'll go ahead and say that you'd be fat. Next up. Pisses everyone off? Step right up 'wanker', it wouldn't surprise me if you pissed everyone off, because you've sure as hell done a damn decent job pissing little old me off already - a solid performance. All I need to do is use common sense to extrapolate this results of annoyance, and hey presto, you DEFINITELY have the potential to piss everyone off. That'll be you again then. Who 'gets off' every weekend? Well, this is rather ambiguous, as you could easily be referring to somebody getting off a method of public transport, ie a train or a bus. I'm giving you examples of public transport under the assumption that you really are as fucking brain-dead as you've initially come across to me. Whoops, I'm just being deliberately pedantic and a bit of a prick - maybe we'd get on well then...? No, no we wouldn't. If you think we may get on well, please start reading this again and pay particular attention to the tone in which I am addressing you, twat. Did that help? Good. Anyhow, back to the question. To be honest I think that you'd get off with someone every weekend too. Oh, but before you think I'm praising you, 'wanker', this is under the proviso that the action involves some form of animal (preferably ill and/or decrepit) or a member of your family (preferably dead). Thanks for your well thought out questions. Because I'm such a jolly kind fellow, I'll give you some tips for the future, so you can spam to your heart's content like the retarded little shit-pile of a person you are:

1. Clean up your overall grammar
2. Somehow, as soon as possible, become interesting to at least the tiniest of degrees
3. Fuck off

I hope to speak to you soon, 'wanker' <<<(lie)

Thanks for reading this ridiculously long post. I felt as though I owed you a long, painful experience, after my recent lack of activity.

As I promised: http://www.formspring.me/Benjo6