Robot Wars

Roboteers, stand by.

3...2...1...ACTIVATE!

Robot Wars was brilliant, wasn't it? I used to love it, and to this day I still do. It must have been roughly 10 years ago that I started watching it, and boy was I a fan. I had the 'funfax', the annual, the fact book, the toys, the board game, and a hell of a lot of episodes recorded onto VHS tapes (remember them?!). BBC2, on Tuesdays (I think) at around the same time as The Weakest Link and The Simpsons. Those really were the days. As far as television series go, Robot Wars is certainly up there. It's the perfect male programme. Scrap metal? Check. Axes? Check. Flames? Check. Pneumatic flippers? Check. Buzz saws? Check. Flywheels? Check. Pit of doom? Check. Flying sparks? Check. Loud noises? Check. PURE CARNAGE?! Oh, check. The entertainment that could be had from watching Robot Wars never ceased to amaze the 6-10 year old me. Granted, it's not for everyone - but it was definitely for me. Thanks to opinions, there's no programme strictly for everybody, but let's not go into philosophical mode. Today is the day for nostalgia mode. I'll always have fond memories of Robot Wars, because there were so many excellent moments (and thankfully because when I was younger I seemed to have a knack for remembering slightly obscure pieces of information). Polka dot fur clad Diotor being set on fire every single fight, Razer taking down the 'immortal' Sir Killalot (and also Matilda), Chaos 2's domination (followed by Tornado), RefBot getting flipped, Hypnodisc meeting Pussycat (with devastating results), the lightweight special match in which a robot was literally flattened, the 'ant-bot' fight with the miniature scaled down replicas, the first and only time I saw the robot that was designed to be a gran in a wheelchair, the cluster bot genius of Gemini...I'll cherish all these moments, for as long as I can. Judging by the fact that I'm rather old man like as it is, that may not be very long at all. The demise of Robot Wars was came way too early. The concept had a lot of legs left - it only needed a bit of freshening up. And that's exactly what happened. The Beeb introduced two new house robots, to join the rotating cast of Sir Killalot, Sergeant Bash, Dead Metal, Matilda, and Shunt. They were called Mr Psycho and Growler. Unfortunately, to put it bluntly they sucked. And blunt they were. One was essentially Sir Killalot 2 with totally inefficient weaponry, while the other was a fast dog thing. Seriously. Luckily, to outweigh the disappointing nature of the new house robot recruits, a totally new feature was implemented into the war zone. Alongside the flipper, the pit, the angle grinders, the flame jets, and the steam jets, a new environmental hazard was added. They called it the drop zone, and boy was it good. Wildly inconsistent, but good. Want to see a washing machine dropped on a robot? Sure thing. 20 bowling balls? Okey dokey. It was a case of overkill though, as 'The Disc of Doom' was brought into play as yet another arena hazard. The less said the better - it was bollocks.  And it's here that my best memories of Robot Wars ends. For reasons that I'm unaware of, BBC sold the rights of the show to (gulp) Channel 5, and in all honesty they made it a bit shit. It was a bit limp, and commercial breaks never help (nor does the fact that NOBODY FUCKING WATCHES CHANNEL FIVE), so the show was shortly scrapped. It can't have been scrapped due to a lack of interest though. No no, I know plenty of people who would love for the show to return to our screens - me included! Thankfully, the robots themselves were not scrapped. Though I'm unaware of the details, apparently the robots and their drivers that we grew to know and love are still duking it out regularly as part of 'The Fighting Robot Association'. Their battles are not to be televised. Boo hiss. I would love for Robot Wars to make a grand return as much as I love Anchorman - and bloody hell do I love Anchorman! Please, somebody make it happen.

CEASE!